This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting children (age 6-12), including physical development, handling school & classes, emotional development, cognitive development, and games and activities.
My son is newly 6 years old, one week. He has been in Kindergarten since early August, full day. He has had no problems and great reports from his teacher until recently. The last 3 days at school he has been hitting and kicking. Monday he hit 2 girls, Tuesday it was kicking another girl and today he punched a boy. We addressed it immediately with taking away an afterschool activity ( a movie) we had planned and tv/games. Next day we took away another afterschool activity (playing with friend) and continued with no tv/games. I promised a movie in two days if he had no issues with this at school and today he came home with yet another infraction. HIs father is out of town since this is happening and I know he is missing him. His father never goes out of town. I am feeling very sad and disappointed in his behavior. I do not know how to get him to understand he is hurting other kids (this is not the first time he has been aggressive - he has been with his friends (he has no siblings) but they are all usually being rough and wrestling. He also used to bite one of his friends. He has a difficult time using words instead of actions apparantly. We have worked with him to use One word - stop, no - things like that and we are very consitent with time outs. I know his teacher is excellent and is appropriately punishing him at school. I want him to own his behavior but mostly I want him to stop hurting other kids.
Today he got some books we had ordered and I told him he would not be able to have them due to his behavior. He got very angry, cried and flailed his hands at me.
Please help in any way you can. Thank you
I think you just need to keep pushing the issue. Keep telling him it is not ok to hit, bite, punch and hurt other people. "you need to use your words when you are angry, not your fists"
I would also sit him down and talk to him , at 6 he knows between right and wrong - ask him if he's mad that daddy went on a trip? Or sad? Get him talking even if it's only to you at first.
Say that when he is mad or sad he can go to his room and be mad or sad and that it's perfectly ok to feel those emotions and express them with words. "when you feel mad walk away and go sit down, that's ok" keep on it, I'm sure his dad being out of town is upsetting him, ecspecially if this behaviour is just now happening when he's gone.
Ask him "why did you hit that boy at school?" no response comes... "where you mad?" do you see what I mean?
Just stay consistant, and when he gets upset at you and flalling around tell him "if you are angry with me that's ok, you can go sit down and be mad and we can talk when you calm down"
He will own it, and it will be controlled but when things like this surface it does take time and consistancy to get it under control. You are doing all the right things with taking away a reward and fun activity he should not be privilegded to those if he's hurting people. Hang in there.
What a typicle problem you are experiencing.
You can try a couple of my suggestions,that might just work. (no promises)
Because I beleive this is a "I miss my Daddy reaction" tell him you will phone his daddy and report his misbehaviour. If you are clever in acting you can go through a phantom telephone call in his presence.
You can also show him in writing the bad things to remind you to tell his Daddy.
but not forgetting the good things too.
Tell him that because we love you, it hurts you both when he hurts others.
Why not create a chart showing gold stars for good things, and maybe black crosses for bad things... Make rewards and penalties....Have a go mate.
Thanks UK Ray,
I really like the phrase - because we love you it hurts us when he hurts others.
Thanks for all of your suggestions. We have been hit free since this incident but it is always good to be prepared and try to avoid it in the future,
Thanks for your caring and time.
Hi, i've 6yrs old daughter likes to hit her cousin n friends for no reason or maybe I don't know what the reason . She will hit other and run. By the time you noticed that other child is crying. I explain to her that behaviour is not right and hurt other. But yet she continue to do it again if I didn't see her. She well- behave at school. So far there's no complain about her. Please help!
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