This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting children (age 6-12), including physical development, handling school & classes, emotional development, cognitive development, and games and activities.
I have a 6 yr old stepson who has been having some issues lately. He has been caught lying several times and has no problem trying to do it even when he knows we saw him do something wrong. He has also been caught three times, stealing items from teachers and students at school. We grounded him to his room after the first time and this time we have taken away all his privileges for the next three days. Our only problem with this is that he is to go to his mom's this weekend (if it happens) and we know she won't continue punishment. I'm afraid it may have to do with his lack of contact with his mother over the past few months. She recently moved and has not been able to see him during her scheduled visits. He has only seen her for a few hours a couple months ago, since Christmas. I don't know what we can do to get him to stop doing this as we can't make his mom show up for visits.
Ok, i'm going to give advice based on my own experiance as a troubled wee one. Punishiment will only work for so long, eventually he'll think it's a game, and will notice that even though its negitive attention, it's attention in itself. My suggestion would be to get him involved in something. art, sports, dancing, ect. then with those you can slowly work a good behavoir chart with him. (this is what my parents and conselors did with me and it worked). A behavior chart consists of 4 levels. it's simple, buy some colored paper and follow the rest here: level 1-pink level 2- orange level 3- yellow and level 4- green. go to microsoft excell and make a chart how ever you want. a point system is what you'll be doing on it- a 0- really bad 1- bad 2-mean could do better and a 3- means good job. make it how you want; be creative- write down the behavior problems in a colum; IE- stealing, yelling, talking back, cursing, listening, etc. and then print it out- what you'll do is have him take it with him. it's a reminder to behave. get his teachers involved. make him take his chart to school, the teachers have to fill out down the colums how his behavior was for that day, sign it at the bottom and make comments if nessecary. then you have it at home. keep it on the fridge. write a weekly goal down at the bottom too.
So in conclusion, lets say you have 8 things in the colum he needs to work on, then his goal for the day is to get at least 20 pt.s on his behavior sheet or at the most 24. make his level system for like 2 weeks long each- and have a reward at the end of each week, and a bigger reward for a completion of a level. GOAL: get to level 4, and have the behavior issues resolved. It's seems complicated- but it's really not, and i'm telling you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WORKS!
Is he in any kind of counseling for his loss? That might be a better long term solution - to help him express and deal with his pain, rather than just trying to change the behavior of lying and stealing.
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