6yrs old boy

[Jayde12]

My son is 6yrs old..the teacher said that he kissed another boy during lunch time and somebody witnessed it, so she talked to me infront Of my son as i was picking him up, teacher said to keep his space, hands, and feet to himself, i was inshocked and couldn't say anything.. As we were walking to the car, i asked my son what happened and started crying maybe because he got embarrassed. As we got home I saw his proggrres report, the comment says the same thing the teacher told me, talked to my son again when he calmed down, he said that they were playing and was an accident . I went to the office and asked for a meeting to know what exactly happened, few hrs got a fone call from the assistant principal saying that it was done purposely, my son apologized to his friend and the friend accepted the apology.  Still cant believe it i know my son more than anybody and wouldn't do such a thing like that with malliscious meaning specially to kiss a boy.. Assistant principal said regardless of what happened if it was an accident or done purposely it should not be tolerated at school and we are moving forward..All i felt was anger that a 6 yrs old boy is being pressured to act like a teenager..Kids love to play and hes always on top with his school work. More than anybody adults should be very understanding and have patience with these kids specially teachers.. Ofcourse i didnt get the meeting i wanted!! I wasn't heard properly.. I am devastated on how things were handled at this school!!! Please i need opinions regarding this issue i am stress out and have thoughta of to transferring  him to a different school.

[AnnieBrooke]

If you have other concerns about the school, just keep your eye on things and keep your options open.  But the best thing to do about this particular incident is to let it go by.  The more attention paid to it and the more of a fuss you make, the more likely your son will be picked on, but if it gets passed in the constant and busy flow of schooldays, kids will forget.  This is especially true if he gets good at something all the kids like, such as a sport or game.  

If your son is having trouble "keeping his space, hands and feet to himself," however, this might be something to work with him about, no matter how excited he gets at school.  Kids don't like to be kicked or punched or touched or to have their personal space invaded, and sometimes other kids do it inappropriately.  It bothers kids, and what bothers them is the genesis of someone picking on someone.  Should he begin getting picked on, I would ask the teacher how he is doing with his excitement level as it relates to others.  If he is reaching at people or wiggling a lot and inadvertently getting into their personal space, you should definitely talk to him (gently) about that.  A child needs to know that other people have boundaries and want to feel safe inside them, and he is old enough to learn this.

[Jayde12]

I understand that it isn't tolerable kissing at elementary school, I just didnt want him to be discouraged because he loves to go to school and get very excited. I feel like after all the incident he will be picked on. When i picked him up from school today the teacher said that they were doing spelling test and she saw my son have the spelling words written on his paper already so she didn't make him take the test. Hes gonna have to take it diffrent day.  He's very good at spelling. Its only been couple days after the incident happened. My son went to a different kindergarten school I never had problem with my son during his kindergarten. I always get positive comments about him, besides him being restless that was the only negative comment. From the beginning im wasn't feeling comfortable with this school, even before all these happened i was picking up my son and he was saying bye to his friend the parent came to my son and asking him questions about his son i didn't hear their conversation but i asked my son what the parent asked him.. He said that she asked if the teacher was making fun of her child... Thank you for your opinions, i also dont want my son to keep moving him schools.

[AnnieBrooke]

if your son's *school's* rules are like my son's *school's* rules

[AnnieBrooke]

My son's principal told me the other day that she was having to deal with the 5th graders who had figured out a spot down a hill on the play field where they couldn't be seen, and were playing kissing games.  It's against the rule at his school for kids to have (that kind of) physical contact -- possibly a rule that the school district does not have at the high school level (because by then kids are dating) but it does have it in my son's Kindergarten-5 school.  It's probably to prevent kids who don't want to be kissed from being kissed, but it might also just be to prevent the boyfriend-girlfriend thing at such a young age, or peer pressure and hurt feelings.  If your son's rules are like my son's rules, it doesn't sound like the teacher or principal mis-handled the situation.  It sounds like they handled it by the rules.  But making a huge fuss and feeling like you have to pull your son out of school would attract a lot of attention to something that otherwise will soon flow under the bridge and be forgotten.  It sounds better (for your son) that you react calmly.  

[AnnieBrooke]

I am not sure that transferring him to a different school will help the situation at all.  Assume your son kissed the other kid deliberately.  At least, it wasn't hitting the kid, it indicated that he liked the kid and did not want to harm him.  Taking him away from his friends and his stable school world because of this only punishes him.  All he needs to know at this age is that it is not appropriate to kiss other children (whether they are boys or girls) in school.  Do you think the teacher was reacting the way she did because it was a boy?  Or would he have gotten the same kind of write-up if he had kissed a girl?

My suggestion is that you sort out for yourself how you are feeling.  You are very distressed, and have transferred all of your distress and anger and upset, onto the teacher and the principal.  But why are you so distressed? Some moms would have laughed off the incident, or shrugged it off, and thanked the teacher for the message about school etiquette, and let it go.  Are you worried that this means your son is gay, and are shying away from that possibility by getting angry at the teacher?  

Your reaction, if it did nothing else, made your son feel just terrible.  But what if he did do it because he genuinely likes his friend and didn't know any better?  Making him cry and feel ashamed is not helping anything, and transferring him to a new school will cement the whole feeling of wrong-ness for him.