8 year old accused of touching another 8 year old

[worried61]

My 8 year old son has been accused of touching another boy the same age.  The parents called tonight and asked if they could come over to discuss a problem.  After asking about the problem I was led to believe they think my son touched their son inappropriatly.  How do I handle the discussion when they come over tomorrow?
I am not sure if this is true, but what do I do if it is?

[margypops]

Speak freely about it and ask your son first what happened ,before you see them get his version so you know what you are dealing with, what kind of touching was it, how in appropiate was it. Why .....was it only him or was it the two of them, then you will know what you are dealing with whatever happens some words and talking are needed for both boys. .

[worried61]

Thanks for your thoughts!
Turns out it was more of a problem than I had thought.  It involved my son asking the other boy to put his mouth on my sons private parts.  Also turns out my son told the boy his cousin did it to him.
I have spoken with my son and it took awhile before he was sure he wasn't going to be in trouble that he told me the whole story.  His cousin has done this on many occasions to my son.  I will be talking with his mother and am making an appointment right away for my son to talk with a doctor.
I never thought in my wildest dreams that something like this would happen to us.
Thanks again for caring.

[margypops]

At least you have some answers, I am wondering if these boys have seen this in a magazine or on the PC, check that out... do any family ,older ones ,have access to anything like that ,that maybe the cousin has seen and copying. A Lot of times learned behavior is involved it is good to get him to speak to someone outside the situation, you are handling it correctly Good luck

[worried61]

Thank you for your thoughts!

I have spoken with my sister and of course she took it very hard.  I guess our biggest wonder is who has done this to her son.  Her son has many problems and maybe this is the cause on some of them.  She is a single parent and has had a terrible struggle this past year.  Just when she thougt things were finally going well for her and her kids this comes up.
My doctor has given me a name of a therapist for my son and also informed me not to be surpised if other things come out in his therapy.  We are trying to keep an open conversation with my son but also not to keep bringing up the topic.  Hopefully the saying "kids are resiliant" is true.  
Thanks again for your thougts.

[margypops]

You are wecome let us know how the therapy goes I feel you are doing the right thing, yes I can imagine your sister is concerned she should check out all avenues in case thare has been abuse or he has seen some adul't stuff"

[worried61]

Hi,

Yes I will keep you informed about the therapy.  
My poor sister is very angry and in denial.  She spoke with her son and he said he knows nothing about the situation.  I don't believe him. She does.  He has ADHD and lies and steals all the time.  There are bigger issues with him than my sister wants to admitt.  He has tried to start fires in the house and writes on the walls and is in another world most of the time.  My brother let them move into his house 9 months ago and there always seems to be an issue going on.  He and his wife are at the point where they are going to have to ask my sister and her kids to move out.  I feel terrible and so does my brother...but as he said his alliance is to his wife and his family.
My sister has not spoken to me since this subject came up.  I am always wondering what is going on and am not getting answers.  I know I just need to let this go and let her do her own thing.  I have done what was needed on my end now the ball is in her court.

[margypops]

Ask your sister to go back to the childs Doctor and ask if the Meds he is on are causing this many meds do cause aggression and many other behavioral problems, check out the ADD forum here, meantime keep your son away from him.Good luck let us know how it goes they have to get some help and it could be as little as changing meds ot stopping them, It has been shown by experts that Food supplements ,with antioxidants have the same efficacy as Ritalin,,.. Vit B Complex, Vit C and also fish oil has been shown to be useful, google for more information on food supplements to help him....

[worried61]

Thank you... I will look up that info and pass it along.

[thejoyofmotherhood]

I hope that therapy is going well at this point, since it has been a while. I just wanted to let you know that somehow,  on some level, this is not a completely abnormal behavior for this age 7, 8, 10. what I mean is you might just talk to your son, tell him it's unacceptable and what to do if something like this happens again.
It doesn't (necessarily) mean that both boys are defiant, gay. Just curious.

Set the boundaries, keep your eye out, and don't worry about it too much.