Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal
8 year old boy sleeping in bed with mom
Is it okay for an 8 year old boy to still be sleeping in bed with his mom?  My boyfriend's son is still sleeping in bed with his mom.  His mom doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with it.  My boyfriends son ask him if i could sleep in bed with my son and if he and his dad could sleep in the same bed.  Is it against the law?  It almost seems like a form of abuse to me.  I bet money if it was a little girl sleeping in bed with her dad someone would call someone!  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
125 Answers
Page 7 of 7
Avatar universal
Seems this is a hot topic and everyone has an opinion. All families do things different than the rest. There is not one way that is better than the other and until you or I are in their exact situation it is easy for us to pronounce our way of how it should be done. I happen to have 4 children, ages, 8,6,4 and 3. They all have there own room, and ussually all start out in their own room. Sometimes sleep through the night. And other times I end up with 2 or 3 in my bed in the morning. And at other times a couple of them will just want to sleep with my wife and I. Instead of analyzing the situation to death, in trying to figure out what is the best thing. I let them in. I feel it would be more damaging if Daddy rejected them everytime they wanted to lay with me or my wife. One of these days our kids will not want much to do with us, so, why not cherish the time they do, and want to be comforted by us. I feel we should just be a family the way we see fit, get back to being loveing families with God as our guide.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I own a day care I have for yrs:I tried very hard to have my daughter lost 6 before her:Finally I was able to have a child even though I knew it ment me being an only parent"I have my 3 yr old little girl sleeping with me every day"how could anyone think a mom sleeping with her child is sexual maybe if you think its sexual you need to look into your thought process:I do it for piece of mind my child always stopped breathing the first 2 yrs of herlife when she sleeps beside me its like i have a built in alarm when something is wrong:She is my baby I know lots of moms that sleep with their sons and daughters not only is it not perverted or sexual its bonding which some moms dont do enough of:My daughter is 3 and has NEVER been with anyone but meand no matter how old she is if she wants to cuddle with her mommy im happy to have her the ladies are right its none of your buisness really and you needto not cause trouble:
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1883945 tn?1320786544
During the Jackson trial I would go to my 10 year old sons bedroom to watch it, I would lay on his double bed, I take tablets including some to help me sleep, I would often fall asleep and wake up in the morning with my son beside me.
I have Bi-polar and my wife called my psychiatrist to ask a couple of questions about my condition, she mentioned in passing that I had recently been sleeping in my sons bed, he said this was inappropriate behavior and that if it carried on he may need to inform social services. When I found out I was surprised and saddened at this, if he was an adolescent I could understand it, I'm still a bit shocked at how something so innocent has the potential to upset my family so seriously.
Was I really so wrong?
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I think it's ridiculous. Anyone think about how scarring it would be to wake up and feel your fathers erection on accident?  Or what happens when the child has slept with a single parent for a prolonged period & the single parent then find a partner? The first night the boyfriend or girlfriend sleeps over would obviously not go over well. The child could be left feeling confused at the fact their parent they sleep with every single night is kicking them out because of someone else. This could build resentents between the child and the new adult. Also, if you are married and bed sharing how can you & your spouse enjoy intimacy on a regular basis?  I am completely opposed to bed sharing. I do not care If it's done in other countries. If a child has a bed available to sleep in they should. Once in a while? Yes why not? But every night is ridiculous.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
you people are so stupid!! its not ok for kids to be sleeping with anyone at that age!!! your teaching kids to be co-dependent and have seperation anxiety plus most of all the kid needs to learn that he has his own space and cant be all up in everyone elses space just because he cant sleep alone!! this is a sore spot I just broke up with my boyfriend cause I had to sleep on the couch because he wants to "Baby his boys" just because theyre mom *****!! they are 8 and 10!!! give me a break!! Life friggin goes on and to keep babying them makes it worse!! It ruined our relationship. anyone who is ok with theyre live in gfriend sleeping on the couch every nite is selfish and does not deserve a relationship!!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
What makes you think a doctor is an authority on the cutoff age for a child to sleep with his mother? That's ridiculous. Why dont people start thinking for themselves and use some  logic and common sense.
I do think that some mothers let their kids sleep with them because they are not wanting intimacy with their spouse and having children in their bed puts the dampers on spouses getting "frisky"
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I am a single mom, and  sleep with my 3 year old every night, and he has absolutely no separation anxiety issues whatsoever. When it was time for him to go to play school he was one of the few kids that didn't fuss, or cry , he simply kissed, hugged me and said, bye mom and  we continued with our days. He is one of the most independent, self secure kids I know, I have been told this by many people, one being a psychologist I was visiting and had to bring him along, as I had no one to watch him that day. She could not get over how social he was and how secure he seemed to feel with life.
I notice most of the complaints of the child being too dependent etc, are from step parents.. How do you know its the co-sleeping causing the problems, and that the parent(s) 'ruined' the child that way? Perhaps this "clingy or needy": behavior is being caused by all the changes and instability of new girlfriends/boyfriends that are changing the family dynamic?  I don't know if my son is more secure because i co-sleep with him or if that is just his nature. I personally just think every kid is different and that sleeping in the same bed as them doesn't necessarily make them independent, nor dependent.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
If the eight year old kid has their own room, there is no reason for still sleeping with Mom other than that mommy is pathetic and insecure. She needs to get a boyfriend to snuggle and let the kid grow up normal.  He can't be going out for boy scouts and insist on climbing in the sleeping bag with his scout leader!
Is this a message board for confused freaks who like to sleep with their old children to commisurate and say that they're normal?
Stop talking about Europe and co-sleeping, go get yourself a pet, and stop being weirdos.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
GREAT reply. Should be helpful with our 7 year old. Thanks! Andy
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
This is a very touchy subject these days with all the child sexual abuse going on.  My husband was just accused by his now 17 year old daughter who has never lived with him of having sexual intercourse with her from age 11-13 about 5 times. This little girl slept in his bed on visitations for several years cause she was scared and he thought was the right thing to do.  

This is the problem. Now this is what she says. All because we gradually stopped visiting her because we married and she's not the top of his world anymore. What kins of world do we live in? ??
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
But! My opinion is no. Kids don't sleep bEd wih kids after a certain age. Id say very young like 6 maybe.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
My friend has been single for a very long time, his 10 year old daughter sleeps with him in his bed on his weekends. He is also an alcoholic and often does not remember what happened the night before. He has now mentioned that he is worried that his daughter might have been abused. He is a loving and attentive father and his daughter is very intelligent and affectionate with him and asks to sleep in his bed, would this be the case if he were the abuser?
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I have two kids and they both are allowed to sleep in my ROOM with my husband and I or when my husband is out of town. I made the mistake by allowing my kids to come sleep in my room if they became scared at an early age. I was lazy and didn't want to wake up to a screaming child so instead I encouraged the screaming child to walk to my room.

HOWEVER,  my son must make a comfy bed on the carpeted floor and he is only allowed in the room during storms and nights he scared, which isn't often. My daughter is allowed in the bed until she is my son's age and then she also will be told the floor is suitable. My daughter sleeps on my side of the bed and on top of the blankets. I move my children back into their room when they fall asleep. I may come off as detached but I am trying to prove a point to my kids that their own beds are more comfortable. I also want my kids to understand independence and SLEEPING ALONE IS NORMAL AND SAFE. I am affectionate with my children but at bedtime a kiss, hug and tuck them in for the night is sufficient enough. I shouldn't have to cuddle them during the night too, it's inappropriate.

If my children decide to neglect my wishes they are unable to sleep in my room when scared.  I will then sit at the end of their bed or floor and speak with them until they fall asleep. Yes it is time consuming but they are my children and I want to make them feel safe.

In many other countries it is very normal for parents to share a bed. I don't discriminate, I just really like my own space at night.

.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I've known my girl friend for a year and a half. She thinks co-sleeping is normal. We had only dated once, but kept in touch by phone and text. After a year of that we finally started dating and after a few weeks decided to date exclusively and I soon found out that she regularly has her 6 year old daughter and 12 year old son sleep in the same room with her. However, there was a bed next to Moms(my girlfriend)bed that the son would usually sleep in and the daughter in mommys bed. Eventhough in the 2 bedroom house, the son had his own room, but never slept in it. So i pretty much slept on the couch, but got tired of that REAL fast and just decided to go home for the night. Just didnt feel comfortable. Well 6 months later, Mommy got another apartment with still 2 bedrooms and now they have 2, instead of 1 bath. (another story, even with the 2 bathrooms). Mommy decided that the kids stay in their own separate beds in the other room. Since we've been dating, the kids every other week for 2 nights will spend time with their father, which has allowed intimate sleep time between my girlfriend and I possible. There have been noticeable attachment issues, some tolerable and some seeming not healthy, before and even in the new apartment, however, I was surprised at the relatively easy transition and the kids adaptability of the new sleeping arrangements allowing mommy and I to have a few nights of sleeping together. Well that was short lived, when moms oldest son at 23 moved back in to the 2 bedroom apt. Therefore, daughter had to start sleeping with mommy again in the same bed while the older son took the daughters bed and slept in the other room with the 12 year old. Well, here we go again...just when things seemed to be becoming normal. Come to find out after a few days of the older son moving back in I became aware that the 12 year old sleeps in mommys bed every night with the daughter too when I didn’t sleep there, Even though the 12 year old son has his own bed in the other room. I realized and believe that both the younger kids after moving to the new apartment were still sleeping in moms bed when I wasnt there. When she moved into the new apartment and during the apparent smooth transition, I was sleeping in moms/our room for 3-4 nights per week. Anyhow, I'm sure, when I wasnt there, they were all, mom, the 6 year old daugher and the 12 year old son were sleeping in moms bed. ( i may have repeated my self in my previous explanation)The attachment issues are obvious and it would take lots of time and I dont care to take to mention them. Some of you can imagine. Eventually, we plan to move in together and this will likely be the best answer to the problem….moving into a 3 or 4 bedroom. However, I know that there will be some transition time again and it will probably work out. I've read several of the threads on here and have noticed minimal posts on the sexual/intimate effects with the Mommy/stepdaddy vice versa situations. After several months of this stuff, Im feeling convinced that the co-sleeping arrangements affects my girl friends sex drive. It could be due to a thyroid issue, but I think this co-sleeping plays a significant factor, although some women may remain plenty horny for her/a man eventhough she co-sleeps.   I will explain.....The co-sleeping has filled an emotional issue gap for the kids and the mom as well. Mommy has primarily been single with a couple intermittent short relationships for the last several years with of course the kids since they were babys’ sleeping in the same room with her. I'm thinking that this stunts mommys sexual exploration within herself. Theres a fine line, I'm thinking, between emotional need and sexual need, especially as adults. They've gotta have some direct or indirect emotional psychological connection. Anyhow, somehow, mom becomes emotionally satisfied or "has some gap filled" with kids sleeping with her, and therefore, that otherwise part of her that would have an urge, craving, need for attachment is stunted, therefore a need for another man near her is stunted, therefore her otherwise inherant nature to fantasize about a man sexually or just being near her is stunted or limited… and therefore, doesnt want to or cant masturbate, understandably, while her kids are in bed next to her virtually every night. You get what I'm saying?? She's had to suppress these otherwise emotional needs/sexual urges and desire or simply, can live...easier, without them. She virtually never expresses a craving or sexual desire for me. Although she often tells me she loves me, kisses me, loves to cuddle with me and loves when we make love together, which is rare and only when I initiate, and I know she loves when we finally get to DO It!. However, the Nasty part and her craving, and spontaneity for it is virtually zero and she’s 38 years, very healthy, and Sexy looking. There may be some other past relationship issues shes been involved in contributing to this. But I think if she slept alone and allowed that otherwise or would be normal lonely part of her to fully desire, think about, dream about, miss, explore within herself,etc...it would allow for a more fullfilling intimacy with us. I'm not saying that she cant fantasize or desire me when her kids are in bed with her when I'm not there...however, its obvious that the co-sleeping in my opinion contributes to a considerable limiting stunted intimacy potential.  Anyone agree? I wonder sometimes if she's not attracted to me, but she says that she is and that I am the one that she wants to spend the rest of her life with, even in my present unfavorable financial position. She’s a great woman…..i just want to ravishingly F*** the heck out of each other sometimes. But too often always unspontaneous, and controlled situation.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I met my girlfriend three years ago and now I'm ready to just leave, because I haVe been sleeping alone in my own bed because of her son that's sleeps with her. He was four years old when I met my girl and now he is six years old ,well this is not good for a relatioship its *****,and he has his own room,I told her what is he going to sleep with you till he is 18
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Hi, 3 years in another bed is a long time. Too long for me. I would say that if you're not sleeping alone with your girl friend most of the time. I'd be concerned. Some women or men I guess dont know how to keep a healthy balance of attachment. If she continues to boot you out of bed to sleep with her son everynight..id get another girl friend. I'm curious. How is the sex between you and your girl? How often. Does she seem to "need" or have urgency or strong desire to be physical with you and have some sex/intmacy with you...Or is like, she can do without it? I have a theory that co-sleeping, hence fills an emotional need, consciously or subconsciously, kills or stunts or limits the urge and a natural tendency to "crave" or need emotional intimacy, to some extent small or large, with anyone else, since their somewhat "filled" with the ever presence of their child or children sleeping with them.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
im having a problem now, i live with my boyfriend and have been for 2 years his son comes to stay every other weekend and when his son come to sleep i would have to sleep in the spare room so his son could sleep in our bedroom with his dad, i didnt agree with this and thought it is wrong this is my home aswell as my partners and i shouldnt be sleeping in the spare room in my own home when his son stays! well anyway it caused a lot of tension and i got really down about this and also felt pushed out, aint it normal to sleep with your partner not your kid! i said how i felt and i didnt think it was right or fair and his son should be sleeping in the spare room in his own bed and my partner should be sleeping with me his partner, so he said okay ill start putting him to sleep in his own room so he did for a few weeks and now hes started to sleep with him in his sons room! now it just seems like everything i said didnt matter or he didnt get what i meant but its like going back to square one!! now can someone please tell me if they think i am being silly or am i right about this situation, as its getting me down and its makin me not want to be with my partner because of this!! his son is 6 now, he has his own bedroom to sleep in, and should his dad my partner be sleeping with his son in his room or with me his partner, i just think its kinda wrong!!!???
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I dont think people that dont have children have a right to post their opinion on this matter. I have an 11 year old son, and I will go to bed with him, read for awhile and fall asleep but then at some point in the night go to my own bed. I use to let him sleep in my bed but now he sleeps in his own. He is very independant. He has no problem spending the night at friends or grandmas or dads house. Just because a child has issues or problems does not mean they are from sleeping with their parents. My son has ADHD and it is not from sleeping with me. He is very respectful & compassionate. He does not act like a girl or sissy. My husband is not a cuddler or affectionate. He has two children of his own & it is very akward for them to hug. His children have many emotional problems from lack of affection. My two older daughters also slept with me when they were younger. I believe I have a close relationship with all my children & thank God everynight for my healthy children. There is no stronger bond then that of a mother & child. That is the way God intended it or he would not have us carry our children inside us for nine months or give us breast to feed our children. Which just happens to be the most important thing you could ever do for your baby. If you are a step parent with no children of your own & you see it  wrong for your spouse to cuddle their children then you are jealous he is giving them love & attention & not you. You need to stay out of the relationship between a parent & their children. Yes, in some extreme cases there is something wrong & it needs to be taken care of. In all normal cases there are those that are extreme. But the extreme cases can not set the standard for every situation. If my son was having wet dreams or masterbating then I would not be sleeping with him. I know he is getting older & I am making the transition for him to be going to bed on his own. All in good time. All those problems listed have happpened to many other children as well & a lot of them were not sleeping with their parents. Every child is different & every situation is different. Soon my son will be a mouthy teenager who seems to be from another planet that does not want to hang out with his mom. For now,  Ill take every single opportunity I can get to hold him. Once they grow up those opportunities are gone forever!!!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I dont think i can stand my bf's little 7yr old girl waking me and my bf up everynite cuz she cant sleep and needs someone to sleep with her. It is driving me crazy..but he thinks  he cant do anything about it cuz his ex (her mother) is sleeping in the same bed with her and it is causing problems at our house cuz now she is so co-dependent. I was wondering is it normal for a 7 yr old to sleep with thier parents still? He puts her to bed everynite and sneeks out but she then wakes us up every time after that and he has to go put her in bed again. This pattern needs to stop but he wont put his foot down cuz he wants to make her happy. It really feels like the child is in control not the parents in this one..but he dosnt know what to do and I am not the parent so I cant make any decisions. I really need some advice on how to make this stop..cuz it has to end this year..i do not think it is normal for an 8 yr old to still be crying and needing someone to sleep with her. There needs to be boundaries and some tough love here. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I (we) should do here. I am desperete cuz this needs to stop. If she was my kid..I would just say..this is how it is and thats it. Your staying in your bed and thats it..if u get out then you will be punished. But he is not like that...he is too soft with her and is babying her and it is making her way too dependent..but its not just him the bigger problem is her mom doing it which we have no control over..but we do have control over this situation in our house..how do I get him to see that and to take control. We need some middle ground.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
That is gross.. The reason why your bf son is sleeping with the mother is because her *** doesn't have a man!! They treat these little boys like they are their man! (not sexual of course.... i hope)
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I dont see how you deal with that! I would PUT the little boy in his own damn room myself... WTH are you doing sleeping in the guest room?? In your house? Dont let this child control where you live.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
There's nothing wrong with an 8 year old boy sleeping with mom.  It's none of your business and you should take your mind out of the gutter.  Better yet, perhaps you should devote the time into your own son instead.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Sounds like you have a grudge against your partner's ex.  What she does with her child at her home is none of your business.  She's not abusing her child.  You're not there so you don't know what's going on in her and her child's life.  Who are you to judge?  Just because she raised her child differently from you or what you consider the "norm" does not make it wrong.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Well said!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
wrong yes it is!!!!  he should be putting his kid to bed and going to sleep with u.i go thru the same thing with my girl friend and her wineing kid every weekend. i dont think its right. PARENTS NEED TO TEACH THEIR KIDS AT A YOUNG AGE TO BE INDEPENDANT!!!!!! sleeping with your kid every night isnt right. putting your kid to bed everynight is fine, but sleeping with them every night causes dependency issues!  Sleeping with your kid every night over your spouse is a little weird and really annoying!!!!!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I so agree 100%...how do I get my sister to understand that? My nephew has severe seperation  anxiety
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I think ita fine occasionally, but everyday ? Inagree that it is excessive i have a 6 yr old step daughter who had been crying everhtime we put her to bed becuz she is use to sleeping with her mom in the same bed. However my step daughter cries alllllll night long becuz of this. Me and her father let her cry it out and learn that she has to be a big girl and sleep in her own bed. For months we tried this and eventually she snalped out of it she was able to sleep alone now thanks to us.  But it is the moms fault for babying her to much , that if she is crying and throwing a tantrum something obviously aint right
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
So I started dating a guy for about a month and a half and it's going very well.  He has a 7 year old boy and they share a bed and bedroom, always have.  The mother died when the child was 4 months old so it has always been just the two of them.  

For childcare issues they moved in with Grandpa who is retired.  My BF and his son share a room and do not seem eager to have the situation change.  I mentioned this to my BF and he said "my son won't do it".  Part of me thinks, your the dad,you say what goes.  

It became apparant that this was going to be equally as hard for my BF.  This is what they have done to get by and they share comfort in their routine.  Do I want to be the one to ruin this bond?

But I think the boy should have his own room... a place to call his own....maybe he might even like it!!!  I think it might be stopping him from growing into an adult in some ways.

I also think it's important, for a couple to have their own private time....if know were else BUT the bedroom!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
My 5 year old son take the occasional shower with me. now my exwife is making comment about him showering with me, like saying that she thinks that it is borderline incest. i am not sure what she is thinking.
i personally can't find anything wrong with it. i shower naked with him when we go swimming at a public pool. and take this as a time to bond.
i think that she is so unhappy that i am enjoying the time that we spend together that she is willing to say anything out of hate
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
973741 tn?1342346373
While I don't really see anything wrong with showering with your 5 year old and can see doing it out of convenience.  But it does sound a little odd to say you do it for bonding???  Bonding in the shower seems a bit odd.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Perhaps what is most difficult is the child dealing with the separation of his parents.When the child comes to visit and is told its wrong to sleep in the same bed as his daddy, isn't that a form of seperation anxiety??

No, Tayzoe, it's a form of separation, not separation anxiety. Children are amazing beings that can adapt to almost anything. I was sleeping in my own crib at a few weeks old. I've run to my mother's room a few times after a nightmare as a child, but I can honestly say that sleeping alone made me a more independent person. Don't we eventually want our children to become independent adults? I'm not saying that we should take away hugs, candy and fatherly advice. I'm just saying that just as college students shouldn't get piggyback rides, kids that are old enough to say "No Mommy, I want to sleep with you" should sleep in their own beds. It teaches them that they can do things by themselves.

Also, when else to we sleep with another person in the same bed?...After we've had...you know. Believe it or not, the first time you lay down with someone of the opposite sex, your mind will search for something to connect this unfamiliar experience with. It'll be sitting in the back of the child's head and I'm not saying that they won't be able to do the deed when the time comes, but I think we can all agree that mental connections don't need to be made with our parents and our partner. Ask Oedipus.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Staying away from societal norms and looking at the interpersonal relationship:  Are the actions of the Mom and son consensual ?  Does the Mom's temper tantrums affect how the boy acts at school and in society ?  There may be a different consideration to be inquired once the boy reaches puberty - in your state is there an age at which Mom and son can not continually sleep together.  The video cam can be  a matter of personal privacy and the risk that the allowable intimacy she has with her son could be miscontrued so that she looses her son or acquires a "sicko" reputation.
I think the key is to have fully open and non-judgemental and non-opinionated communcation with the boy - knowing that at any time he wishes to "break" from smotherly love he is allowed and not bound to it via consequences or manipulation.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Nope, your statement and opinion is based on lack of experience as a mother and much else.  You are the mother to a one year old and STEP mom to a 6 year old.  You are simply making an assumption based on your own opinion, which in fact ,is just that, and opinion, nothing factual about what you are saying at all.  You may have a perverse mind yourself, which is why this is your view on it.  I don't know, because I don't know you.  But I can tell you that most who allow their children to co - sleep FOR THEIR OWN REASON (ever heard of dont judge a situation unless youve walked in it and know ALL the reasoning behind it) do NOT think twice about it, and do not equate it to anything sexual, never even been a thought.  I have children that are older, and that are younger, I am a single mother, and my youngest son, who is 6 sleeps in my bed.  You do what you have to bed wise, room wise, and comfort wise for children when you and they are a product of a broken home.  Its no ones business, its not your business either, not your child.  And, youve just taken and made it everyones business.  And your SO nosey and concerned about your bf's EX and what she is or isnt doing, that it sounds more like you just simply dont like her, have it out for her, or are hoping that most here would say what you wanted to hear so you could run and tell her how wrong she is, and tell your bf how wrong she is.  Some advice, quit prying.  He had a relationship BEFORE you that produced a child, he had a life before you, he loved someone else before you, and your probably having a hard time swallowing that, leave it alone, it does NOT concern you.  That is all, have a great day!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
right on!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Wow! That was a little harsh. She has every right to be involved as it comes to HER house every weekend and she has to deal with the wreckage.

Almost every point of view on this thread is that of an emotionally needy parent. As a mother of 9-year-old girl, who will sleep in her daughters queen sized bed when husband snores too loud, I find it irreconcilable to bring the child into a parents bed every night at this age.

My recently divorced neighbor sleeps with 8yo son every night. When the very sore topic comes up on occasion, she says she knows it's for HER emotional needs. But, that selfishness has driven her husband away - no intimacy in the bed room (yeah, there are other places, but not every single night for 8 years!) In the past when it came up, I remember her saying they all loved the intimacy, and he would be shaking his head.

To top it off, the child is not right. He has serious emotional issues that have been brewing for a number of years. Yeah, I'm sure some of it was from the bad marriage, but when he starts to act like the parent, and then CRIES every time he is disciplined it becomes ridiculous. She starting to treat him like a child-mate.

Oh, and I came from European parents that used to co-sleep in the old country for security reasons. Once they got to America, everyone got their own beds and my parents put a lock on their door. So enough with the fantasizing over European family beds.

Sleep with your kids when they are sick, and little now and then when they are young. But, enough is enough ladies - cut the apron strings.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
973741 tn?1342346373
While we can say what works for us, it is not really realistic to think we know what every other household should do.  I hope that those who co sleep are happy doing so and it really is not that uncommon.  I don't do it but that is because of my own sleep needs.  I have a good griend who does and she is very close with her husband and has a great marriage.  We just can't speak in absolutes about other people's lives.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
973741 tn?1342346373
It is also a situation here in which you've pulled up an old post as you must have been searching for this on the internet.  Must be of some interest to you.  To each their own on the topic and luck to all,.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I am a step-mom of a 23 year old boy/man who has a girlfriend 40 years old and her 9 year old daughter sleeps with them every night.  The mom ran off with our stepson 2 years ago while the father of this 9 year-olds died of cancer.  The little girl was moved out of her home to another state so the father could have family help him, until his death.  The 23 year old (my stepson) refuses to work and he and the 9 year old act more like sister/brother.  The little girl is starting to develop and although they do not think anything of it, I find it odd and I have a errie feeling with this sleeping arrangement.  It appears this 9 year old is very insecure, and I can certainly understand why, but I think this sleeping together is odd, where the Mom will gets up and sleep on the couch and leave the girl and my stepson together.  I requested that I do not desire this sleeping arrangement in my home and so far they are abiding by it, but they are upset with me.  Any advise?
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
973741 tn?1342346373
Boy oh boy.  That IS an odd situation.  He's an adult living with an adult.  You are kind of stuck.  I think it is a little weird too  . . .  I'm in my 40's, um, does she want a boyfriend or another kid to adopt?  But unless you think that there is abuse or neglect going on with the little girl, they get to be an odd couple. You could tell your step son that you don't think it is a great idea for him to sleep with the little girl (and it isn't)----  because it only takes one accusation to change everything.  For his own protection, he shouldn't be in bed with her.  ???  But it is hard because the mom is making the decision.  Oh boy.  good luck dear
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
It is sexual abuse. It is going to cause considerable damage to the kid. It is an invasion of his space and perverse in a way.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
My son just turned 8 and sleeps w me most of the nights. Being a working single mom, I barely have time to share moments as watch TV or read a book with my son, and once we share the same bed, we catch this time before we fall asleep.
My son is very sweet, also VERY independent for his age but he's afraid of sleeping by himself (me too) because the wood in our home makes some noisy some nights, so I don't see anything wrong in having this mutual comfort,
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
535822 tn?1443980380
It not sexual abuse ...many sleep with their children certainly in Europe they do I doubt very much all are predators or abusers .It very often stops before puberty when children want more privacy. ISo if you are comfortable with him whilst he is young I dont see any reason why not other than getting a good nights sleep as they do thrash around the bed a lot ...lol
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I am encountering a similar situation--my granddaughter(5) cannot fall asleep with out her mom or dad next to her --I had her this weekend-first time in a long time they were separated-  first night she slept with me- next night with her cousins on the floor for a sleep over- no problem- until they (mom and dad) walk in the door---the poor little girl is obsessed with this sleeping arrangement-- am I mistaken?? is this a little over the top?? this si only the tip of the iceberg for behavior problems-
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Could not have said it any better! I also cherish those moments, it seems that my son tells me more about what he's thinking & feeling & it helps me know where his head is at. I feel it  helps to keep me close w/ him.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I so agree Tayzoe!
My baby son was born then immediately my husband decided to put him in a cold crib three rooms away, this developed constant waking with sleep problems for him immediately then within my son turning one and a half years my husband left us causing even more emotional distress, now at 11 years old he sleeps by my side on occasion with our dog for comfort and security yet all my sisters judge me without experiencing divorcee themselves...
What do I do?
I know he will grow out of it, but he does sleep very deep and profound and have cured his early years of stress and teeth grinding.
A mothers nurturing love should not be condemned when they are governed by there instincts with there own siblings.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I so agree Tayzoe!
My baby son was born then immediately my husband decided to put him in a cold crib three rooms away, this developed constant waking with sleep problems for him immediately then within my son turning one and a half years my husband left us causing even more emotional distress, now at 11 years old he sleeps by my side on occasion with our dog for comfort and security yet all my sisters judge me without experiencing divorcee themselves...
What do I do?
I know he will grow out of it, but he does sleep very deep and profound and have cured his early years of stress and teeth grinding.
A mothers nurturing love should not be condemned when they are governed by there instincts with there own siblings.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
973741 tn?1342346373
In many countries, families all sleep in bed together out of practicality (lack of beds).  no one should be judged for this as parents do the best they can.  I'm sure at some point, your 11 year old son will decide he may need more space to sleep but this is harmless currently and I do believe you are nurturing him in a kind and loving way.  peace to parents who try hard to do a good job
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
If you are a pedophile I am sure it is ok. Grooming your child for sex is another term that comes to mind for the incest rial inclined. No it is not ok to sleep with you 8, year old son for a number of reasons.Co dependency, confusion over the mother son role or Oedipus complex, anxiety disorders and sexual deviant behaviors issues are also on the door step. Protecting a child from abuse and risk is paramount.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
973741 tn?1342346373
I am really not sure what you are talking about xoceandove.  Please show me where a family bed is related to pedophilia.  In truth, a family bed is very common in various parts of the world.  As a mother of an 8 year old, it is disturbing to me the posts that sexualize a parent child relationship when there is no sign of that.  Simply sleeping with one's child (again, look at the statistics of other cultures in which that is the norm for a variety of reasons including lack of beds) is not sexual.  Cuddling with one's child isn't sexual.  Providing comfort to your child is not sexual.  Very odd that some see it that way and makes me worry about something in their own past or present that was abnormal.  

Many parents cosleep.  Not a big deal.  Kids eventually do want their own space most often as they become more and more independent.  

I've never coslept with my kids but it seems like a lot of nonparents make comments that doing so is pedophilia.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal

______________________________________________________
                                  
                               ******** CLOSED DISCUSSION ********

                                        No more comments, please.
______________________________________________________
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
This discussion was closed by the MedHelp Community Moderation team. If you have any questions please contact us
A
A
Doctor Ratings & Reviews
Comprehensive info on 720K doctors.
Complete reviews, ratings & more.
Parenting Children (6-12) Community Resources
Top Parenting Answerers
13167 tn?1327197724
Blank
Austin, TX
973741 tn?1342346373
Blank