This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting children (age 6-12), including physical development, handling school & classes, emotional development, cognitive development, and games and activities.
My 8 yr old daughter has masturbated since she was about 3. It began w/ stuffed animals, which ended up all getting thrown away b/c of worry of bacteria and infection. She always does it in her bed at night. She used to be more open a/b and didn't care if members of our immediate family knew, but is now more private about it. She began doing it so much that she complained of pain and itching in her genital area. We took her to the Doctor who gave us a cream to put on it as needed. The masturbation did not slow down in the least at this point, if anything she bagan doing it more. We began to notice stains in her bed, which she ended up telling us was pee. She said she feels like she has to pee afterwards. She's never had a problem with bed-wetting, so we're not sure why she's peeing IN her bed afterwards, b/c she also DOES get up and go to the bathroom afterwards. We finally told her that she needs to stop doing this to herself b/c it is hurting her and she's now peeing in the bed and not informing us, therefore just laying in pee. We didn't have much of any issue with it for many months- that is to say we didn't see any signs that it was continuing. But more recently, she's been staying awake sometimes as much as 2 1/2 hrs past when we say good-nite to her and she's supposed to go to sleep, I guess to masturbate! It is affecting her in school, as she has bags under her eyes and very obviously tired all the time. Last night, she was in bed, lights out at 8pm. We heard her awake at about 10:30, went in to check on her and she said she needed some cream b/c "it itches". When asked if she's been rubbing herself she said no. Then we noticed a huge urine stain (a/b the circumference of a beach ball) dried up, on her fitted sheet. When asked what the heck was on her sheets, she said she peed the bed on Monday night (today is Friday!!). When asked why she didn't tell us she said she doesn't know. She finally admitted that she has been rubbing herself every night (apparently for 2 1/2 hours!).
I should mention that she is being monitored by an endocrinologist for pre-puberty. She's had an odor and hair under her arms since she was 3 1/2 or 4. She's had pubic hair for over a year or so now, and has huge mood swings, oily skin, oily hair after 8 hrs, etc. The initial hormone testing (a/b 8 months ago) indicated that she was normal. She's due to go to him again- she's going to go every 6 months until she starts her period.
Our questions are:
1.Is it normal that she's doing it every single night and for such a long period of time?
2. Is it possible that she is reaching a climax and that's why it takes so long?
3. Why is she peeing the bed, and hiding and lying about it?
4. None of this seems at all normal to us- it's affecting her health both physically ane mentally. Is this normal?
5. While I don't agree that she should be made to feel ashamed about doing this, I do want to figure out a way to get her to not do it as much and to realize that it's not OK to pee the bed afterwards and just lay in it for days on end. Any advice on how to get that point across?
We're taking her to the doctor today to have her examined in her genital region and treat the horrible rash and itching that she has. We're also looking into her seeing a psychologist.
Here's my opinion.
I started growing public hair at age 6. I was diagnosed with a condition called Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia. Make sure her endo is checking her for this condition.
I'll try to answer your questions as I also did some of those things at that age.
1) I'd say it's normal. Just as normal as if she was 16. It feels good to her so why should she stop? In her mind at least.
2) If she obviously has high levels of hormones in her body that are causing her to go through puberty I would definitely say shes climaxing. I did at the age and even younger.
3) Peeing in the bed... well After I climax sometimes i get the same sensation. Everyone is different. Hiding and lying to you probably cause she is ashamed and embarrassed.
4) What was normal when you were a child is not the norm now.
5) I think some sort of punishment should be put in order for peeing in the bed and hiding it.
Lastly I completely disagree with making her see a psychologist. She will definitely think there is something wrong with her and I think that will cause more mental anguish.
My eight year old daughter is masturbating and I really think that is a problem and she shouldnt be doing it. I know that you say it is quite normal, but will or will it not lead to something else later down the road. I know that I use to masturbate when I was her age but I never got caught and no one ever told me whether it was right or wrong. I feel bad because I don't know how to deal with this issue. I have already made her feel bad for doing it. How do I make it seem like its okay to her without saying sure daughter it is perfectly fine to rub on your vagina. I need help!!!!
1) read this
2) don't take it personal, be proud you are looking for help and not thinking you can do everything yourself
3) find someone who understands moderation to help
4) a child and or adolescent psychologist could be a good idea if you look at it as consulting an authority. I think the key to success with this is to find the one who has nurtured a child with this same aptitude. These things often feel like they are strange but that is only because people are afraid of being weird. Trust me no one is that weird, when you get to know them, they are all the same.
5) Remember that a lot of sources of protein contain a lot of hormones, you might just need to see a nutritionist or consult a physician if you do not want to change your eating habbits
I understand where you are coming from. My 8 year old daughter told me tonight that she likes the hard jet on our shower head because when she isnt using the shower she puts it between her legs and it sprays her vagina and it feels really good, and feel weird. I remember masterbating (masturbating) at her age, but I never mentioned anything to anyone cause I knew my mom would disapprove of me playing with myself. So I think it is normal, but we do not know how to tell a child what they are doing is masterbation (masturbation) and it is normal... but how do you explain to an 8 year old child. that is my big thing.... how.... and is it something that should be discussed or dismissed.
The "jewel" of your comment is that your daughter will tell you intimate details of her life. Don't mess with that in any way by making her feel that she is doing anything abnormal or wrong. She is NOT. Masturbation has been documented in unborn fetuses of both sexes at a very early age. It feels good so humans do it. All your daughter (child) needs be told is that it is a private activity, like going to the bathroom is private. Make sure that she can feel secure when in her room with the door closed. Always knock. Masturbation is the way we learn about the sexual functioning of our bodies just as sports teaches about the physical aspects of our bodies. The first is every bit as important as the latter. She will be having sex long after she can play softball.
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