This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting children (age 6-12), including physical development, handling school & classes, emotional development, cognitive development, and games and activities.
My 9 year old granddaughter is having issues in school and at home. In school she is not listening to her teacher, she constantly gets into other children's business, calls out, is not doing her assignments in class. She constantly gets out of her chair. This week she asked to go to the bathroom and when she got back she had red lip gloss on her lips eventhough she knows the rules about make up in school. My granddaughter's grades have slipped and she is now below average. At home she has become very aggresive (aggressive) towards her 5 year old sister, they are constantly fighting over the most insignificant things, such as, "she touched me or she's looking at me" it turns into a physical fight. My daughter has banded any make up in the house so she doesn't know where she's getting the make up from. She has also punished her by taking away privileges, such as, T.V., video games, playdates, desserts and snacks. My granddaughter's behavior has become worse and is very defiant and disrespectful with her parents. When they discuss all these issues with her and tell her that if this behavior continues, her response is "well what are you going to take away, there's nothing left, you've already taken everything away!" Or " I don't care what you take away!" My daughter has tried taking to her and trying to get her to say what is causung this behavior, she's also tried bargaining with her by offering outings if she has a good week in school and at home. She's at her wit's end, nothing seems to work. My daughter is not wimpy, she has a srong personality and she's loosing her patience. Please give us some advice.
Hi there. Yikes, 9 is the new 13? There is a really good book that I would highly recommend. It is Love and Logic by Charles and Jim Fey. In fact, Love and Logic is a parenting program that you could look for opportunities (or your daughter could) in your area to learn the things they say really help. Our whole school system uses a Love and Logic approach to discipline and motivating kids. And our community has courses in it.
I've been through the training and it has worked great with both of my kids--- a 9 year old and almost 8 year old boys.
The idea is to let consequences be the teacher. I understand that your daughter is taking things away but perhaps she isn't taking away the right things. What if your granddaughter had something like her girlscouts, soccer or whatever extracurricular things she does taken away? What if she is invited to a birthday party and she doesn't get to go? What if the family is watching a great movie together or playing a game and she as to sit by herself in her room?
As to in school, my question is that perhaps there is more going on,. I have a third grader and the curriculem isn't easy. Much more difficult than second grade. Perhaps some of this is because she is having a difficult time. Kids often act out when that is the case. If the teacher is suggesting an evaluation of her, I'd go for it. Perhaps she does have some attention problems or other things going on that are part of her inattentiveness at school. If it is determined that there isn't anything like that---- then the thing is, she has to find her motivation to do well. And sometimes kids have to fall before they realize they don't want to do the things they are doing.
I'd talk to the school counselor though. How are her peer relationships?
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