This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting children (age 6-12), including physical development, handling school & classes, emotional development, cognitive development, and games and activities.
I have a 9 year old son who is masterbating (masturbating). Just the other day we were watching a movie as a family and he got a blanket and sat on the couch and I could tell he was masterbating (masturbating). There was nothing on the movie that could be stemulating. I asked him to go do get me somthing from across the room to make him stop. I did not let him know that I knew what he was doing. How do I handel this.
I would simply ask him, when it is just the two of you and you see him doing it, what he is doing. Don't do it in a demeaning way, just a simple question. My daughter used to lay on the floor and wiggle, and when I asked her what she was doing, she just said it felt good. She didn't know either way, good or bad. I then told her that it was okay if she wanted to do that sort of thing, but it should be done in privacy, like her bedroom.
Children begin discovering their body parts, and in complete innocence explore. I wouldn't worry about it too much, and he is still young so hopefully it won't embarrass him too much if you ask him. As far as I know, my daughter grew out of that phase (she was about 7-9 yrs. old at the time) and I don't even think she knew it was 'masturbation.' He is probly just realizing he gets erections. You could always choose to ignore it, but if you are like me, it made me uncomfortable seeing my daughter doing it. So I asked, told her she should probly do it in her room, (without any implications of it being good or bad) and went about my way. Only once I went into her room to put something away and she was doing it, so I just put the toy away and went back out.
I do not agree. Feeling good and being good for your whole self are two different things. I believe strongly that if we teach our children to control this most basic desire - specifically to NOT masturbate and eventually to only have sex when married and to only our spouse -- then we will have much happier lives because we are not so impulsive and expecting gratification on demand. That expectation of immediate gratification from interactions with our peers will always be a bust. The expectation of immediate gratification from work, our purchases, our entertainment choices will always on some level be dissapointing. I believe with my whole heart that masturbation leads to pornography and leads to total dissatisfaction with our partners in our most intimate relationships. I know there of few of us who believe this so the world need not reply with slams ( or IMPULSIVE remarks).
Last Comment -- MOMS - if you feel bad or uncomfortable with what you are witnessing there is a reason and it is not because your child is having a private moment that you should not be a part of -- it is because every fiber of your being is telling you that this is not OK -- only society is telling you otherwise -- go with your innate abilities to do what is best for your child and trust your gut!
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