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9 year old soiling pants
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Avatar_f_tn
Ask for a meeting with the school guidance counselor, pricipal, and school nurse.  I met with ours and they have set up a schedule for my son to go to the bathroom.  The teachers will ask him to run an errand or something and he will go to the front office for a timed bathroom break.  It is four times during the school day.  The pull-ups did not work well for us as it seemed he definitly didn't try at all to go to bathroom at all.  He does not wet hisself except occasionally at night.  Our school has been very supportive of this.  Does your child show signs of ADHD other than the soiling?  
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm literally at my wits end, I almost don't want to post this because it might even dishearten others who are in this 'crappy' boat. My son started to do this when he was 5 and went through all the regular psych stuff kids have when there's something like this happening. Nothing really came of any of it, trust me, we did EVERYTHING! Reward charts, help in school, talking to specialists, different specialists, medication, hospitalization, coping strategies, dietary changes, ev-ry-thing. The only diagnosis was encopresis, and we just lived with it. That was over 10 years ago now and he's worse than ever. His habits have encroached on life and I feel like there is no way out for us now, this is it, this is him, it's made him devious and sneaky and a compulsive liar, yet in every other way he's a good kid, well young man now, but he refuses to address the problem, AT ALL. It's a secret, in fact he pretends its not real. He hordes food, sweets etc and eats it like a five year old would, sickening amounts, then he'll hide the wrappers. He could easily put them in the bin and we'd never know but he hides them round his room which he knows we check periodically, to uncover the huge stash of pooped pants, his, his brothers, his dads, and the various clothes he's wiped himself up with, sock, pe kit, his, someone else's, and just hidden round his room. He's 16.
However his younger brother displays similar symptoms, but it's not the same. He constantly has a nugget of poo between his but cheeks, every day, no more no less. He's gone through the psych stuff too, though not to the same extent, and he doesn't need medd, he's not constipated, doesn't have celiac disease,  it's not overflow, it seems to be a choice. He hides his pants but worse he also pulls the poop out and hides it round the house, anywhere, behind his little sisters toys etc. he lies about it alllllll the time, I'm sure he's learned from his brother, he says he doesn't feel it but he does, you can tell from his walk, or if you see him when he hasnt realized you're watching, he pulls it out and hides it and all I ever get is silence or 'I don't know' when asked about it, though after I freaked out today (cut me some slack I'm really at the end of my rope here) he said he did it because it was uncomfortable. He does feel it, he just lies because he thinks that is what you're supposed to say.
His behavior is also like his older brothers, but he's only 10 and I fear for his future.
I have girls too, all normal in the poo department and great kids. My boys are great too in many ways but this literally ruins our lives. Today after more than a decade of this I feel like I cannot go on for one more day. I want a magic wand, or failing that just a week off. Seriously though, things have changed in that time, you know, the Internet, forums like these, I used to think I was alone in this then I learned I was not, but I feel alone again in the fact that I have 2 boys doing it and one isn't even a boy anymore. Is there anyone else out there living this way?
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Avatar_f_tn
Sounds like you are at my house.  I started this post in May of 2010, and my son is about to turn 13.  I haven't posted much lately because like you said I don't want to sound discouraging, but we have not had any change.  The only difference from your son is that he no longer hides his clothes, because it is a known fact in our home and all of our family that he has the problem.  Well everyone but him anyway.  He goes on about his business like nothing is out of the ordinary and every other 13 year poos there pants multiple times a day also.  So he doesn't hide his poo it just falls out on the floor everywhere and room smells completly awful all the time, but this is all invisible to him.  He doesn't feel, it, doesn't see it, doesn't smell it! URRRR!  And yes I have freaked out multiple times, I mean who wouldn't?  We try to just deal with it and not stress but come on really?  abd talk aboout freaking out I won't even say how bad my husband has "freaked out" a time or two (and no he didn't beat him or anything, although i'm sure it's crossed his mind)  He is in counseling as we speak as reccomeded by the school, and I'm all for anything that will help him, but it all just seems like a total waste of time.  He has a younger brother who is 9, and he does not have any of the same problems thank goodness!  I can not even imagine having to deal with two of them, with the bathroom issues as we call it.  I wish that I had something encouraging to say, but I don't and I'm sorry, but feel free to get on here and vent, or send me a privitae message if you want.  
Amanda
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Avatar_n_tn
my 9 year old daughter does all above. has any one worked out any new ideas how to chance this problem, I would love to hear about it, im so over it, its been almost years, message me here or email me
***@****
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Avatar_m_tn
I just stumbled on this forum while doing research for my work -I work with struggling teens and was trying to find out more about this issue. I thought my perspective might be useful to all of you struggling parents out there, because I used to be one of these children...
Unfortunately, I don't have any magic answers for you, and I'm sure every individual's situation is unique, but I'll share my experience for what it's worth. This happened in my life from about age 4 (when my parents divorced) through to age 12. In retrospect, I suspect it was mostly emotional (some sort of control issue, I think) but possibly mechanical/medical as well. Despite HUGE negative consequences in my life (massive embarrassment, etc.) and at school (bullying, etc.), it didn't seem to stop for me. It's not like I could just decide to make it stop when I was young, and yet I did so later in life when I was sent to boarding school. I definitely used to know when it was happening; I remember running somewhere private, but not the bathroom. Why? I'm not sure, but I think it had something to do with feces being bad/dirty and not wanting to let it happen. Control. Then, of course, it happens anyway despite your best efforts. When I smelled, I was mortified and would run to somewhere to try and clean myself as best I could.
I don't think parents punishing or freaking out will help, although I can only imagine what it must be like for them. I think most of this comes from some sort of emotional wound or dysfunction, and the best solution that I know in that case is love and support. That does not mean parents toiling away to make the problem invisible, by the way. I actually don't think parents should protect their kids from all of the consequences of this problem, as the kid needs to be aware that it's a problem and participate somehow in the solution (= Positive Control). If that means they are cleaning, or at least helping clean messes with encouragement and support from a loving parent, then that's probably the ideal in my view.
I eventually beat the problem out of sheer internal motivation. I was at a new school (boarding), where I wanted desperately to leave this problem behind. While the patterns were hard to break, I managed to do so by just forcing myself to go to the bathroom regularly, and the problem has not been part of my life since. I don't have any mental or emotional issues and I am a well-adjusted adult. I hope that gives some hope and some new ideas to all of you. Hang in there. It will get better.
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Avatar_n_tn
I really cannot say Thank you big enough for sharing this very profound and private part of your life experience. I very much appreciate it. This has really helped give me some more insight into my grandson's world. He has been living this horrible experience for about two years now and my heart breaks for him. It makes perfect sense that, at least in part, it may be related to control. About two and a half years ago a new man came into his Mom's life and they do not get along, in addition to other family dynamic concerns. Anyway, thank you for sharing....it brave and helpful.

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973741_tn?1342346373
it's so nice to see when someone finds what they need from the forum.  peace and luck to you
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Avatar_m_tn
My son just turned 9 today.  We've been struggling with this issue for about 5-6 years, ever since potty-training.  We've been to the doctor and had x-rays, too.  It's a problem called encopresis.  For whatever reason it may be, the child's bowels are enlarged.  We went to the doctor again last week.  I's been only a few days, but I've already since tremendous improvement, and it's only because he is cooperating this time.  I  believe it's because he is a little older now and the doctor spoke to him directly.  It was shared that it is a possibility that we may need to go the U of M hospital in Ann Arbor, MI and have tubes inserted in the rectum to clean him out.  He absolutely does not want to go through that.  So, finally, he is participating in trying to help with his own problem.  EVERY morning, as soon as he gets up, I make him sit on the toilet for no less than 20 minutes.  We have a stop watch, magazines to read, and music.  We also put a calendar right next to the toilet and when he sits as instructed, he gets a star on the calendar.  He used to say that he never needs to go, but after doing this for one week, he has gone EVERY single time!  Go figure.  He said that he didn't have to go and yet, there is lots of evidence to prove just the opposite.  It's gross, but he doesn't flush.  I tell him not to, for three reasons: 1) to prove he did it; 2) because it's under the doctor's instructions; 3) so that I can monitor the size of the bowel movement.  Then, since I work full time, I measure out his medicine and have it ready for him to mix when he gets home from school, daily.  He puts it in the bottle of whatever drink we use and he shakes it up and drinks it.  I know it's only been a week, but he hasn't had not one accident since we started doing this.  And the week before we went to the doctor, he was having at least three accidents a day.  I would encourage everyone having this issue to try everything in getting your child to actually sit for at least 20 minutes.  It's difficult for young kids, but if you can find that "thing" to keep them there for that duration, I believe that it will help.  I've even thought of letting him watch a movie on a portable DVD player.   We are just now starting to see some improvement, and the doctor told us that it can take 2 years to get the bowels back down to being normal.  Good luck with all of you.
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Avatar_f_tn
my son just turned 9 he is very smart and very active he hates to use the bathrooms at school cause they are dirty we have taken things away and punished him. he has always been constipated and on miralax. he doesn't do a lot in his underwear but its enough to wear its a mess and smells. its very frustrating that I cant help him but the last post gives me hope . Im goin to have him sit on the toilet every morning for 20 mins. hopefully this  
will help we go for his 9 yr old check up in june and I will discuss it with the doctor thanks
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Avatar_f_tn
I feel like I've found a home! This could have been written about my daughter. She's 9 and has always soiled herself, as well as had temper issues. We even had one head teacher get down to her level and tell her that she was just a naughty little girl that expected to get her own way. That was after the same head teacher had accused us of abusing her. We home schooled her after that, until I found the current school she's in, that I trust completely and she's been in for 3 yrs, now coming up for her 4th yr.
We've been through all the medical channels, ultrasounds, movicol, lactulose, nothing works. She seems to evolve and move on. Everything works for a day or two, then she gives up. She doesn't want the extra attention, or anything. She screams and hits us if asked to clean herself up, or shower. She's got the diagnosis, but nothing to go with her temper and intelligence yet. Although she's seeing a CAMHS psychologist soon about that.    
Can't believe I've found others, albeit around the globe, with children like mine.
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Avatar_f_tn
Your post has really given me hope for my 9yr old step son. We are going to try some probiotics to see if it helps him. He just informed us that he doesn't have a BM regularly. We are hoping this helps because it is stressful to us and we don't want him to get made fun of and/or worry about pooping in his pants. He has only been doing this for about a year I want to say and it is only every month to six months that we know it is happening. I feel for all of the rest of the parents and children who are going through this with us and I hope everybody gets the answers they need to help them.
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Avatar_f_tn
I hate to say that I am so glad I an not the only one! My daughter is almost 10 and has been doing this for years. It seems to have even gotten worse in the last couple. The other day she smeared some on her wall. That was a first! She doesn't "feel" anything either abd will go all day soiled until someone addresses it. Then she showers, throws out the underwear, and goes on like nothing. Daily!! It completely blows my mind! I have talked with her in depth, been to doctors, done miralax, rewards, punishment, the works! I am going to have her start cleaning her undies instead of tossing them. We try not to get frustrated or upset, but it is soooo hard!!!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
My first time to post here. We have been dealing with this issue as well for about 7 years.  We've tried it all as well as far as rewards, charts, and behavior modification.  My son just continues to wet and soil himself and it does not seem to bother him. He will sit in soiled clothes for hours if no one notices and makes him clean up.  We have seen 5 or 6 different psychologists, none of which seem to be able to get any results.  He has been on Miralax for all of these 7 seven years.  He had accidents at school in K, 1st & 2nd grades.  Half way through 2nd grade he seemed to develop anxiety and depression and refused to go to school - missed most of the 3rd qtr.  We finally got him back to school some 4th qtr.  After that, we decided to homeschool him until he could get the "potty problem" resolved.  That really has not worked out so well. I work full time, and my husband has severe emotional issues and chronic pain and is on disability.  Husband tried to do the schooling, but it was too much for him. This past school year we tried again with a virtual school, but again Dad couldn't do it and it then it fell on me, and its been too much for me as well trying to work full time.  My son has learned to manipulate and control his environment at home and refuses to do school.  Its been so stressful!!  Now my husband and I are at an empass as to what to do for next school year.  I think the 2 years at home, isolated from other kids has just made his soiling behaviors worse as well as his behavior in general. I think he needs to go back to public school.  I'm at the point of belief that it is going to take some possible negative natural consequences to get him to change this behavior. Being at home and having the accidents, there is really no motivation for him to change - no consequences.  But my husband adamantly refuses to let him go back to public school unless the soiling problem is fixed.  He thinks he will just have to out grow it.  But I can see us still continuing to be dealing with this when he's in high school or beyond.  We can't isolate him his entire life.  He's already missing out on so much and becoming a hermit, just watching TV, playing video games, and sleeping. So the whole situation becomes even worse when you & your spouse are not on the same page.  Any thoughts from anyone out there?
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5752516_tn?1373600398
we spanked our son for pooping in his pants and spanked him everytime he lied if he had poop in his pants. I am his step mother so I waqnt yall to know ive only been around him for 2 years and he's been pooping himself before I ever came into the picture. I had no hand in raising him until now. not only does he poop in his pants but he lies constantly,  he's been kicked out of school several times, kicked off the bus several times, is defiant even after spanking and doesn't mind worth a crap. if it was up to me I would have him institutionalized. his mother damaged him so deeply and his father was and is an over the road truck driver and is not home a lot. because of this he is raised with his grandparents. they just dope him up with sleeping pills and anti depressants bi polar and adhd meds. so im stuck w the whole mess and try my best. today he put my beloved dogs in danger by letting them out of the back yard and into the street. I luckily found them quick after I freaked out when they weren't in the yard. I don't think he will ever get better or be a normal child
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Avatar_f_tn
Sounds to me like the spankings don't work so why keep doing it.  Maybe try something else.  I am not against spanking, but not for something that is a medical issue. I have dealing with this issue with my son for the last 6 years, and believe me I have been ready to put myself in an instituttion but it has NEVER crossed my mind to put my child somewhere.  Its sounds as if your son has more issues than just the pooping.  Have you guys tried any type of counseling?  It seems as if you have a really bad attitude about your stepson and I am sure he knows this.  I think counseling would be good for both of you.  I am really kind of shocked at your post.  It seems as if you have some real anger issues regarding him.
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5752516_tn?1373600398
everyone is angry with their children when they poop themselves especially when they r 9 or older. if they say they aren't they r lying. he does go to counseling but the counselor doesn't do anything but ask his grandmother how he's behaving and then put him on more dope. I personally don't think its a medical issue. ive voiced to his grandmother to find a different psychologist but she wont listen. so like I said im stuck with the poop and the behavioral problems and don't see that things will get better
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Avatar_f_tn
Oh I most deffinitly have been very angry at him for pooping his pants.  And your right anyone who says they have never gotten angry about it is lying.  I didn't say you can't be angry it's just what you do with the anger.  I have yelled at him, and made him clean his clothes, punished him ect....  At this point I am pretty much over the anger it has just went on so long all I am now is tired.  However it seems the difference in our situations are the other behavior issues.  This pooping problem is pretty much the only issue we have with him, otherwise he is a really good kid.  He makes good grades, never gets in trouble at school, plays sports, and poops his pants pretty much daily.    I am not trying to be judgemental as I have been through this so long and had so many different emotions about it, your first post just seemed uncaring and mean but now that I think about it I am sure you are prob just blowing off steam just like the rest of us.  I think we have all felt like just giving up and running away even if it was only for a minute lol.  I sorry if jumped to conclusions.  As for whether not it is a medical issue I don't know but as for my son I just cannot believe that he would go to school in 7th grade and poop his pants in front of all his friends on purpose.  I just can't, and maybe i'm just in denial idk, but if he just did it at home then yeah maybe so.  My husband disagrees with me and thinks he is **** it on purpose so IDK, but im sure we can agree with one thing and that is I sure wish it would stop. :(
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Avatar_m_tn
My son will be 9yrs old in a couple of weeks, he has just recently starting messing himself, I have tried to talk to him and get to the bottom of it, I have punished him and this morning I have sent him to school in a pull up nappy which I am already having seconds thoughts about as children can be so cruel, but I don't know what to do. I am at the point now where I will just cry as I have no idea how to resolve the problem I do not feel it is a medical problem as he eats well and does a lot of activities and has never had this problem before.
Any advice on what to do next would be greatly appreciated
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Avatar_f_tn
I totally understand what you are talking about.  My son is 13 and everyday it is the same thing wash out underwear and soak them in bleach water to get that awful smell out. What is strange is when you ask if he knows and he says "no".  My son has to take medicine to help him sleep but it doesn't make him that sleepy that he doesn't know when he wets or poops in his pants.  I to have bought pull ups to wear, taken things away, given rewards if he didn't have a accident you name it we have done it. We have had to throw away his bed which wasn't that big of a loss since he won't sleep in a bed.  Now his floor is bad.  I am at a loss of what to do....
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Avatar_m_tn
HERE's  HOPE! My son had soiled his pants since he was 3 until he was 9. We tried everything. One night as I was in despair realizing that I had given up on my child, I was in tears before God and asked Him for help. I just happened to stumble across a program called "soiling solutions" that night. It was the answer to my prayers. The program was hard in the beginning, but now our problems are over!!!!  You have to purchase the manual which can be downloaded from the internet. Whatever the problem is that cause them to start holding, the holding causes constipation. The constipated mass then puts pressure on the nerves which causes them to not be able to feel when they need to go. Yes, they REALLY can not feel it. The bowel content then leaks past the bowel mass into the pants without them noticing until too late. It is called Encopresis.  Do not let this destroy your relationship with your precious little gifts. They have a physical problem and they desperately need you to understand and support them in overcoming this problem. We find that a bowel flora supplement like "Flora Bear" helps and also lots of fibre, fluids and exercise to maintain regularity. First the bowel need to heal and be retrained - "Soiling Solutions"
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Avatar_m_tn
These children actually has a physical problem called encopresis. They really lost their ability to feel their need to go. Their is help with programs like "soiling solutions". It helped my son after years of struggling to overcome this. He is a smart, wonderful gift from God and I praise Him for sending us help and understanding as now our problems are over. He does excellent in school and now our relationship is restored. I had to ask him forgiveness for not believing him that he could not feel it and for not loving him as I should have.
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Avatar_n_tn
very well said
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Avatar_n_tn
thank you posting your comment..im at the end of my rope with my 10 year old i will deffently look into it and will download the program :)
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Avatar_f_tn
I am so glad I checked this out. My Son will be 9 this month, and just recently started pooing in his pants. average 1-2x daily. I thought it was just because he didn't want to go inside from playing, but it seems to be happening at camp, and he has been kept from pool time because they don't want it in the pool. He is real embarrassed, but doesn't seem to stop. He has been real short with me lately. I think he is being picked on because he probably smells, and my heart breaks..I told him he is too old for this, and I don't want him to get teased...I was thinking of taking him to the doctor, but the stools are solid and normal. He eats a very healthy diet...I'm so frustrated..I don't know what to do, and I don't want him to feel bad about himself
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Avatar_f_tn
This is new for me!  I'm so up in arms and don't know what to do! Sometimes I think it's the smell of his own feces bc he gags therefore resulting in not wanting to wipe himself but knows he's too old to be asking someone else to wipe him so he tries to hold it.  I asked him today if he needed to poop bc he hasn't, to my knowledge, pooped in 2 days.  40 minutes later he had changed his shorts bc he had dirtied them!  Idk what to do!! I've talked, I've punished, I've cried, I've sympathaized!!  Ive not spanked him bc I feel in my heart he doesn't want to do this!!!  He hides underwear hoping I won't notice... so he's aware!  One of my friends came over and picked up a backpack to help me pack a bag for him  and she almost threw up bc he had hidden a pair of dirty underwear in there!  I'm paranoid that our house smells like poop n I can't find it!!! Not to mention I don't want him going around smelling like poop!  He's beautiful and smart and has a heart like no other!  
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Avatar_m_tn
yay, this is encouraging and we will try this.  We've been doing 10 min and it's hit or miss as to if he goes or not.......we'll up it to 20 and see.  I do think that IF parents can get their kids BMs moving every morning it would help all out.  

How has it been going lately?
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Avatar_m_tn
yay, this is encouraging and we will try this.  We've been doing 10 min and it's hit or miss as to if he goes or not.......we'll up it to 20 and see.  I do think that IF parents can get their kids BMs moving every morning it would help all out.  

How has it been going lately?
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Avatar_f_tn
I am haveing the same problem iam so released to now iam the only one !! My son is nine and is5"2 and weights175 pounds and it really hurts me that I can't help him I just don't get it ! He says he don't feel bm coming and he still pees the bed,which I did til I was10 or the doc says its normal for some kids cause their badder and brain aren't workin together yet so don't worry cause I worry about everything and I now it's not emotional,at least as far as I can tell but this bm is getting way out of control! He had a couple mishaps last year but no one knew but me and nurse now he's in3 rd grade and he farted and pooped while it wasn't poop but like a stick line no clumps or nothing anyway he was in class doing work and got up and the teacher and other kids notice he had a brown line on chair! So she sent him to nurse office!! But now what do I do he never wants to go back because they r going to make fun of him!! I took him to doc who said he was consabaed but that doesn't Spain y he says he can't feel a bm coming on!! What do I do now I could just cry all the time I would take his place in a min. If that were possiable!! But now what??? Help !! Anyone have any ideas?!
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Avatar_f_tn
I stumbled upon this website last night and after reading several of your comments, my heart went out to all of you and surprisingly it also lifted my spirits because I now know that my family is not alone.  Our son is also 9 and the problem started shortly after he toilet trained (or did he?).  After being bombarded by his teachers yesterday, I realized I could no longer go on as we were and I needed to try to find a solution.  Through reading several posts, it sounds like we need to go back to square one and try the method we started with.  It did not work the first time but he was younger then and we also did not put our heart into it; we still figured he would out grow this problem.  I have created a reward chart of positive reinforcements for small successes (1 day dry/no poops in the pants) with larger incentives for long term success.  We're putting him back on miralax, having him sit on the toilet for 20 minutes in the morning and after dinner. Met with his doctor today; she loved our plans and is supporting our efforts.  I am hopeful and praying that this works.  I will keep you all posted as well as keep you all in my prayers.  
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Avatar_f_tn
By the way, we have tried miralax for the last 5 years without success but not always a plan.  We had a test done at the hospital to make sure internally everything is working properly (it is).  We have been to a GI doctor and to a therapist.  I am exhausted emotionally by all this.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Angela, By now I hope your problem with child has resolved somewhat and if ti did, please tell me how. My nephew has never been completely toilet trained and he's 9 now. He will pee in toilet but 50 % of the time poops his pants. My brother found no medical issues w him at Boston Children's hospital but that was last year. He has been seeing a psychologist who suggested letting the child clean himself up, which hasnt worked. I have read it could be a power struggle or perhaps sexual abuse. I hate to think of the latter bc my brother and wife had this child in their 40's and continue to travel but place him in every type of daycare ( such as on the cruise or resort, etc.) My nephew has also had numerous babysitters thru the years. Has anyone been told this could be a problem?
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Avatar_m_tn
Where you stated that you work with troubled kids I wondered if you thought it could also be from sexual abuse. I am extremely worried about my 9 yr old nephew who has done this his entire life. Lauren
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi

This problem is called encopresis.  My 5 yo son has it (for last 18 months).  It usually brought about by stress (any stress) and often constipation.  It turns into a vicious cycle.  The more they hold the more they get constipated, the more they hold so it doesn't hurt to push out.  Changes in life, like starting school, divorce, early toilet training, negativity when having poop accidents, etc can cause it.

Pee accidents are usually the result of a blocked up bowel and put pressure on the bladder.  Fix the poop problem and the pee problem should self resolve.  Having said that, I am finding the poop problem extraordinarnarily hard to fix.  We are in the midst of trying "soiling solutions" (google it).  And although we are having some set backs, we at least have a program to follow and are moving in the right direction (slowly).

My 5 yo is a beautiful smart little boy who is so willful and defiant and has become a flat out liar when it comes to poo.  There really is no logic or rationalisation for kids with this problem, they are masters of denial.  Get them on a super dose of laxatives and clean them out thoroughly then start the soiling solutions program.  It won't be easy, in fact it is the hardest thing I have to do, but I can see progress, albeit slow.  But some people have remarkably good success early on.  Once you buy the manual there is a web forum for mums/dads to check in and ask questions and get support.

Good luck everyone.  
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Avatar_m_tn
i totally agree my grandson has been doing this since he was 5 he is now 8 and i have to say that the posts on here are very disheartening
we really hoped as he got older he would grow out of it he sees the dr takes the softeners the usual but he still occassionally has an accident the school are good and we are working together
i feel so sorry for him its spoiling his fun and he hates it
he does lie understanably with the embarrasment of it
Sitting him on the loo with his i pad for 15 min every morning helps to controll it but its such a worry all day if he doesent go
we try to reassure him but its very stressful
We really hope we can help him get it under contoll but to anyone out there please dont use punishment its bad enough for them without being afraid of their loved ones
good luck to anyone in this situation and if you find any success please share it
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Avatar_f_tn
I personally think there is a difference between children who are constipated & it therefore is a medical issue, and others who can control it but choose not to. My son is 8 & this has been a constant issue since potty training. I finally thought we had cracked it when in August he started a new school. For 3 months he had no "accidents" & I can't tell you how relieved I was. Then last week to my dismay he started again. I'm devastated. But today I spoke to him & asked why he was doing it again. For the first time he explained that he enjoys the sensation he gets in his bottom when the poo moves in and out, so he is intentionally trying to push the faeces back & forth but inevitably at some point it comes out. I finally understand why he does it & although I'm still concerned he will continue at least I can see why. I have tried to explain that although it feels good that he mustn't do it because of germs, hygiene, smell, muscle damage etc. I just hope he can kick the habit again, & for good. I hope this might be an explanation for some other desperate parents out there.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi!  I went through this with my child. She is ten years old. The thing that has worked for us has been a combination of enemas and prune juice!  We have used the fleet kind of enemas on her, but they are rather harsh and it was hard for her to hold them in. My mother in law advised using a good old fashion warm soapy kind. She was right!  Katilyn can hold them in a lot better. Less fuss is NICE!   We also turned to prune juice every night at the same hour. For us, we give it to her at 7:00pm every night.  The soapy enemas are given as needed. I use a small bulb syringe which Katie calls "the squeezer."  So. it has a name!   Good luck on what ever you decide!  Charlotte        ***@****
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7506056_tn?1391439339
my 9 year old is messing his self its been happening for a few years with no sign of getting better.
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Avatar_f_tn
Your response is very comforting. I am very sad for my 9 year old son- he says things like "I hate myself" and "i'm an idiot" when he has this problem. I wish he could talk to someone with the same problems as him and know there is hope out there. It affects every aspect of his life. When he is made to go, he goes and he is happy. The second he has an accident- his whole day is ruined. My heart breaks for my son. I am so worried.
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Avatar_f_tn
Your post gives me hope. I need to get my son through this and stand by his side. Thank you so much for sharing. I think we will try a medication of some sort- I think that may be his answer. He never has an accident if he has diarrhea (which isn't a lot). Yesterday, he fought me when I told him to "sit" and then he pooped so huge!!! How could he not go on his own when that huge thing was waiting to come out? Have his bowels become distended from having this problem for so long? I really need his pediatrician to listen-it might be time to switch doctors. IDK.

Thank you again for  your post. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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Avatar_f_tn
Good morning! I am wondering how that program worked for you? I am willing to try anything at this point to help my son. :(
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Avatar_m_tn
My 7 year old is soiling his pants since he was 4 he was potty trained at 2 and he was ok till he was 4. this is so frustrating he uses public transport to go to school and travels with his 16 year old sister now she's begging me to find another school for him because he's embarrassing her. I understand this and I tried finding a school for him but no luck now it's all I hear when I come from work how embarrassed she was how everyone was blocking their nose because of him. He looks like he doesn't care at all he washes his own messy clothes and himself now I don't know what to do. Especially to learn that there are 13 year olds who still does this.
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Avatar_f_tn
Wow this sounds just like my son that is 8yrs old and he has been pooping in his pants for the past year !  It just breaks my heart ! The good thing is I now don't feel like I am the only one out there that is dealing with this problem ,although it is overwhelming how many children do struggle with this!
I have now also started with the pull-ups as he does it in school and then stinks and we can't afford all the endless pants!
Let's hope we can all get our kids clean and pull-up free !
Good luck moms !
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi, I've read a lot of the posts on here and I can relate. I have a nine year son who wets his bed every night, has a wet patch on his underwear/trousers daily and poos him underwear 1-2 times week. I know with regards to him soiling himself it is not as bad as others, but I fear for him so much. I just want him to stop. He too is a smart fun loving boy with lots of friends at school. It hasn't got to the point where the school is involve because it mostly happens at home or with relatives. However the wet patch (where he holds his pee to the very very last minute) happens all the time. He is my only child and I just want the best for him. Ive tried punishment, behavioural chart, rewards and even guilt tripping him but I get nothing. The soiling his pant is what is the most heart breaking thing. When asked he said he doesn't know why and is happy to sit in or sleep in it. He is currently seeing a enuresis and taking desomelt for the bed wetting. He has been soiling him on and off since the age of six. Any sugesstions is much appreciated. Thanks
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Avatar_m_tn
I really do feel helpless, as does my wife. My son will be 8 in 2 months and he wants to stop, he wants it to go away. He always says he does not feel it, but says that he is trying really hard. We want it to stop, not only for him, but for all of us. My wife is not his real mother and I feel terrible that she has come into our lives and has had to deal with it the entire time. We have tested everything, with nothing wrong. I don't know if anyone ever finds a solution, but I feel so sad for him.
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Avatar_m_tn
I happened upon this thread while I was commenting on another post and I could not help but read a number of the comments, so many made by parents that are clearly frustrated.

For me it is interesting to see the other side and to even look back into my childhood. I hope my perspective and insight will help someone.

Before I continue I will caution that my experience is not necessarily typical, but I am also aware of other cases that have been very similar to mine.

As I have looked back into my childhood there are certainly factors I can not account for because I can not remember the details of when I was 4 or 5 (for example) and some factors are just not easy to tie to other seemingly unrelated problems.

In any case, when I was a child I had a number of things going on that I know must have created a lot of grief for my parents. As I look back I attribute much of the root cause to a father that was verbally abusive and parents that had anger issues when something was out of place. One of my obvious issues was that of bedwetting. I soaked my bed with no personal protection (diaper, pullup, etc) nearly every night until I was over 12. I hated being wet and the entire ordeal was extremely distressing, yet I could not control the wetting, it just happened. I recall being yelled at, punished, even put in diapers during the day and sent out to play with friends. All of this was very hurtful.

I also had lots of issues with constipation. As I have researched and looked back at all of the factors of my childhood I believe this was one of the biggest clues I could have found. First, most of the constipation issue was gone by just after 12, and it is a well understood fact that constipation often leads to bedwetting.

I also had issues wetting and soiling during the day. Most of the involuntary incidents were gone by the time I was 14 or so. I attribute most of this to the fact that I refused to use the restroom at school. Usually I would make it to late in the day when I would have the accident late in the day. To this day I cant explain why but I do recall a certain amount of anxiety and fear. I feel much of the fear was related to some sort of embarrassment and shyness (I was also a very shy child).

I believe most of the constipation was the result of holding. Not only would I not want to use the toilet at school but I also remember (even at around age 5) wishing so bad that I could just have my diapers back. Again I can't fully explain why, but I know I would go into the bathroom and would simulate using a diaper to poop in the best I could. One of the problems was that I did not get this opportunity very often, but it was the only way I really wanted to GO. So I would hold it, and this would lead to more constipation and eventually an accident.

As I look back I do remember the emotion of when I voluntarily soiled myself, or when I wanted to. The best way I can describe the emotion is that of being safe, cared for, nurtured. I have come to understand that my behavior was very much so regressive. As I grew older this behavior actually got worse, to the point I was soiling myself several times a week. By the time I was 11 or so I had developed the skills to deal with the mess while concealing things most of the time. When I look back at this part of my childhood I can best remember the emotions that were involved, and here I realized another very important clue. During the vast majority of the incidents I had some sort of emotional stress, conflict or something similar happening and the result of me soiling (usually by this time in a diaper of some sort) brought me back to a place where I felt little, safe, nurtured, loved.

What I have learned. Obviously some children have a physical issue, but sometimes that issue is created by a developmental or even emotional issue. For me the behavior was very regressive, but I lacked the opportunity or life skills to deal with it so I ended up holding and chronically constipated. That regressive behavior was the coping mechanism I developed to deal with some pretty hard (for a child especially) issues. So stress, conflict, yelling, abuse, etc triggered my need to engage in the behavior. Interestingly, if my parents yelled at me for wetting or soiling myself it was enough to trigger the same behavior.

Through my childhood, teens, when I had an accident I would try to hide it and I would not talk when confronted. If my parents found my soiled diapers when I was a teen (this happened twice that I know of) I was severely punished and publicly humiliated over this by both of them, and I could never answer there questions. I was so fearful, embarrassed, confused because I did not understand why I was the way I was (at the time).

So when I read some of the comments I see extremely frustrated parents and I know there is a lot more to the story. Sometimes the issue is purely physical, sometimes it is medication related. But there are the cases where the emotional development of the child has taken an unusual turn. Not all cases involve the types of problems I encountered (like abuse, etc) but there is no doubt that an underlying issue exists. It could be as simple as a fear of the potty, or using a public restroom. It could also be triggered by divorce, loss of attention due to the birth of another child, or a huge number of other issues.

The solution. Even when the issue is diagnosed as physical you never know if there was, even at one time, an underlying emotional factor. If a child holds there is a reason, it might be irrational, but something has lead the the behavior. Of course there are a host of developmental, neurological, disability related, etc causes.

If I were to leave one piece of advice for parents it would be to love, nurture and protect your children. A child should never fear a parent, or the parents opinion of that child. Even when there is a problem, like soiling, it is so important to make sure these basic needs are met. Obviously soiling can be very distressing for parents and siblings, so care must be taken that this distress is never allowed to create new problems. Possibly most important is the point that children are far more sensitive to family problems than we might like to think. Arguments, yelling, conflict, fights, etc can happen but they are also going to affect the child. Death of a parent or sibling, separation of parents and divorce are also often big contributors to emotional issues. So when these things are unavoidable it is so important to look after the emotional needs of the children.

I really do hope this have given some useful insight. Children often do not share, or simply can not because of the extreme shame and embarrassment attached to something that they might not be able to control, and probably don't fully understand. One more important key revolves around this. When we attach so much shame to potty issues, including accidents, we only create more trouble for parent and child later on. I have seen many parents shame a child out of diapers, as part of potty training. To be sure this is not a good thing.
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Avatar_m_tn
I learned that my daughter was born with a Tethered Cord and she will be 10 this year but because it wasn't discovered early on it is now (even though she had surgery to fix it) unfixable because it was found too late. The Tethered Cord (please research it) has caused her bladder not to grow and it can affect the bladder and bowels so she will be in a pullup for the rest of her life she has no feeling and goes constantly. The school had to put her on a 504 plan is a LAW in every State under ADAP (research that as well) Just the mention of it will get things going for you at the school. My daughter has access to the Teacher's Lounge where she has a private place to change her pull-up and is allowed  scheduled times to leave class to keep her from soiling herself and causing herself embarrassment. We don't know what goes on in our children's mind but if you add bullying to it for being different it'll only make it worse. It's hard for ppl on the outside to know you're doing all you can when they aren't faced with the same problem. Just keep praying and doing your best and know that you aren't alone. Don't give up!!! You're doing good :)
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