9 year old soiling pants

[arekgb]

I am at the end of my rope.  My nine year old son poops his pants every day.  This has been going on for over two years now.  We have been to doctors, gastroenterologist, and, counselors.  Nothing has helped!  We have used miralax, stool sofeners, and fiber.  We have made hime set on the toilet several times a day.  We have tryed rewards and punishment.  Nothing has worked.  He has been wearing pullups for over year becasue we can not afford to keep buying underwear.  He pretends nothing is out of the ordindary.  He will not clean himself up until someone smells him and tells him to do so.  Now we are having major issues at school because of this.  His father and I are so frustrated with this and just do not know what else to do.  There has been no trauma or abuse.  We have tryed to just say ok our child poops his pants and that is the way it is and just accept it becasue nothing has worked, but that is not working either.  It is causing our whole family much turmoil.  Please does anyone have any suggestions other than what has been posted.

[EmmzieLou]

I feel like I've found a home! This could have been written about my daughter. She's 9 and has always soiled herself, as well as had temper issues. We even had one head teacher get down to her level and tell her that she was just a naughty little girl that expected to get her own way. That was after the same head teacher had accused us of abusing her. We home schooled her after that, until I found the current school she's in, that I trust completely and she's been in for 3 yrs, now coming up for her 4th yr.
We've been through all the medical channels, ultrasounds, movicol, lactulose, nothing works. She seems to evolve and move on. Everything works for a day or two, then she gives up. She doesn't want the extra attention, or anything. She screams and hits us if asked to clean herself up, or shower. She's got the diagnosis, but nothing to go with her temper and intelligence yet. Although she's seeing a CAMHS psychologist soon about that.    
Can't believe I've found others, albeit around the globe, with children like mine.

[nelly2676]

my son just turned 9 he is very smart and very active he hates to use the bathrooms at school cause they are dirty we have taken things away and punished him. he has always been constipated and on miralax. he doesn't do a lot in his underwear but its enough to wear its a mess and smells. its very frustrating that I cant help him but the last post gives me hope . Im goin to have him sit on the toilet every morning for 20 mins. hopefully this  
will help we go for his 9 yr old check up in june and I will discuss it with the doctor thanks

[4tina_marie]

My son just turned 9 today.  We've been struggling with this issue for about 5-6 years, ever since potty-training.  We've been to the doctor and had x-rays, too.  It's a problem called encopresis.  For whatever reason it may be, the child's bowels are enlarged.  We went to the doctor again last week.  I's been only a few days, but I've already since tremendous improvement, and it's only because he is cooperating this time.  I  believe it's because he is a little older now and the doctor spoke to him directly.  It was shared that it is a possibility that we may need to go the U of M hospital in Ann Arbor, MI and have tubes inserted in the rectum to clean him out.  He absolutely does not want to go through that.  So, finally, he is participating in trying to help with his own problem.  EVERY morning, as soon as he gets up, I make him sit on the toilet for no less than 20 minutes.  We have a stop watch, magazines to read, and music.  We also put a calendar right next to the toilet and when he sits as instructed, he gets a star on the calendar.  He used to say that he never needs to go, but after doing this for one week, he has gone EVERY single time!  Go figure.  He said that he didn't have to go and yet, there is lots of evidence to prove just the opposite.  It's gross, but he doesn't flush.  I tell him not to, for three reasons: 1) to prove he did it; 2) because it's under the doctor's instructions; 3) so that I can monitor the size of the bowel movement.  Then, since I work full time, I measure out his medicine and have it ready for him to mix when he gets home from school, daily.  He puts it in the bottle of whatever drink we use and he shakes it up and drinks it.  I know it's only been a week, but he hasn't had not one accident since we started doing this.  And the week before we went to the doctor, he was having at least three accidents a day.  I would encourage everyone having this issue to try everything in getting your child to actually sit for at least 20 minutes.  It's difficult for young kids, but if you can find that "thing" to keep them there for that duration, I believe that it will help.  I've even thought of letting him watch a movie on a portable DVD player.   We are just now starting to see some improvement, and the doctor told us that it can take 2 years to get the bowels back down to being normal.  Good luck with all of you.

[specialmom]

it's so nice to see when someone finds what they need from the forum.  peace and luck to you

[Gin59]

I really cannot say Thank you big enough for sharing this very profound and private part of your life experience. I very much appreciate it. This has really helped give me some more insight into my grandson's world. He has been living this horrible experience for about two years now and my heart breaks for him. It makes perfect sense that, at least in part, it may be related to control. About two and a half years ago a new man came into his Mom's life and they do not get along, in addition to other family dynamic concerns. Anyway, thank you for sharing....it brave and helpful.

[binthair]

I just stumbled on this forum while doing research for my work -I work with struggling teens and was trying to find out more about this issue. I thought my perspective might be useful to all of you struggling parents out there, because I used to be one of these children...
Unfortunately, I don't have any magic answers for you, and I'm sure every individual's situation is unique, but I'll share my experience for what it's worth. This happened in my life from about age 4 (when my parents divorced) through to age 12. In retrospect, I suspect it was mostly emotional (some sort of control issue, I think) but possibly mechanical/medical as well. Despite HUGE negative consequences in my life (massive embarrassment, etc.) and at school (bullying, etc.), it didn't seem to stop for me. It's not like I could just decide to make it stop when I was young, and yet I did so later in life when I was sent to boarding school. I definitely used to know when it was happening; I remember running somewhere private, but not the bathroom. Why? I'm not sure, but I think it had something to do with feces being bad/dirty and not wanting to let it happen. Control. Then, of course, it happens anyway despite your best efforts. When I smelled, I was mortified and would run to somewhere to try and clean myself as best I could.
I don't think parents punishing or freaking out will help, although I can only imagine what it must be like for them. I think most of this comes from some sort of emotional wound or dysfunction, and the best solution that I know in that case is love and support. That does not mean parents toiling away to make the problem invisible, by the way. I actually don't think parents should protect their kids from all of the consequences of this problem, as the kid needs to be aware that it's a problem and participate somehow in the solution (= Positive Control). If that means they are cleaning, or at least helping clean messes with encouragement and support from a loving parent, then that's probably the ideal in my view.
I eventually beat the problem out of sheer internal motivation. I was at a new school (boarding), where I wanted desperately to leave this problem behind. While the patterns were hard to break, I managed to do so by just forcing myself to go to the bathroom regularly, and the problem has not been part of my life since. I don't have any mental or emotional issues and I am a well-adjusted adult. I hope that gives some hope and some new ideas to all of you. Hang in there. It will get better.