Daughter missing dad????

[motherintexas]

My ex-husband was arrested for DWI while driving with my daughter 2 years ago.  The law restricted his visits temporarily. (He still has not gone to trial for this one)...Meanwhile, he gets his visitation rights back and I catch him myself with my daughter in the truck with him drunk.  He was fighting with girlfriend and being very beligerant.  I took him back to court and his visitation rights were changed.  Before he had usual rights.  Since April he has to drive to the town where I live (about 3 hours from him) and meet me at a public place to have visits with our daughter.  (no driving)...then for 8 visits he could come to my home pick her up and keep her in the town we live in.  Meanwhile while doing this restricted visitation he is to take a rehab program and successfully complete it to get his rights back.  Since the trial in April he has only been to see her 3 x....He has told her that he is not getting her any Christmas presents until she can come to his house.  She is only 8.  She has began acting up in school alot.  Getting marks in her folder daily when before she was a good student.  I have a wonderful husband of 2 years that is great to her.  He is a wonderful role model but she is very standoffish to him.  She refuses to accept his caring and love towards her.  I know it is probuably a defense thing.  My worries are....that she is becoming emotionally damaged by her dads absence.  I am so worried that oneday she will blame me for her dad being absent.  Her dad blames me for not letting her come to see him.  She says she understands why she is not allowed to go to dads but...does she really?  Does anyone have any advice for me?  HELP    

[nyychic]

First, drinking and driving is unaccecptable and you have the right to be upset and to fight for you daughters safety, scratch that you have a DUTY to do so.  That being said it sounds like your ex husband has a drinking problem and if you want him to stop, I hope that you do because that will only help your daughter in the long run, try working with him a little bit.  I think that maybe a compromise wouldn't hurt maybe once a month drive to the town where your ex lives in order for him to have a visit with his daughter, allow them some privacy to visit and enjoy the visit.  I mean your daughter will know when she is older that you did your part to a) keep her safe, and b) allow her a meaningful relationship with her dad.  That is going to count for something when she is older.  Also as far as your husband goes, can you blame her.  She must really feel like he's trying to take over her "daddy's place" now.  I mean no visits from her father what do you really expect she's only 8 right.  She is going to take some more time.  I think that it's important that you understand that your ex may not have a right to drive anymore and that may be part of the issue but that doesn't mean his behavior or attitude he is taking with your daughter is appropriate just try to show her that you will do what you can in order to help her relationship and this may in turn show him and he may back off a little bit.  Good Luck