Hiding school lunches in wardrobe

[KatJord]

I am so curious about my son's behaviour.  It has been going on for several years now, probably beginning when he was about 8.  He is now 13. What he does is hide his school lunches in his wardrobe, behind some picture frames.  When I talk to him, he says it will never happen again, then hides them in his sidecupboard, or in a corner of the room.  He has a bin in there, not to mention at school, which he doesn't use to conceal this food. I have tried a number of tactics to get him to stop, but it doesn't change anything.  These have included logic (the carpets will rot if you leave food on them, mouldy food will make you sick), intervention (poppa, mum and stepdad all say that it's not on), leaving the room with the instruction that it has to be gone when I come back, and telling him this is not normal behaviour, then it stops for about a week, but every time he will  revert to his old behaviour and today I found the food - several mouldy school lunches - again behind the picture frames.  Now my issue is not about the school lunches so much - which I am annoyed enough about since he tells me he has eaten them and goes so far as to say he ENJOYED them - so much as why does he hide the food, especially when a bin is available at school AND in his room?  What's going on? If he doesn't like his lunch why doesn't he chuck it?  Why does he hide it?

[Closing_Time]

I used to do this too, probably around age 12 or so. I am now in my thirties and honestly have no idea why I did it. I know that the reason I didn't put the food in my bedroom bin was that I knew my mum would find it (pretty stupid as she would always find it later anyway when it was mouldy and stinking out the room!). My parents argued a lot, don't know if this was anything to do with it but I am really curious to find out the reason for that weird behaviour. I remember feeling ashamed that my parents argued so much, as I knew that it wasn't normal. I wonder what a therapist would make of it.

[akuranga]

This weekend I was SHOCKED beyond words when I found the very same you described in my son's room.  I've this problem happen before but on a smaller scale in his backpack, certainly nothing remotely close to this extent.  I was horrified to see maggots, flies, and a stench so putrid when I opened up his closet.  I am at a loss and don't know how to proceed.

[JORDAN_LYNN]

My 12 year old step daughter does this. She likes everything in her lunch and has even packed it herself....then a fay will come when i smell rotting food andbi check he room and therea bags and bags of rotten moldy and maggot infested school. She had cleaned her room numerous times but didnt throw this food out. I asked her why she says dont know. We are thinking of talking to the doctor about a psyc evaluation. Thia is not normal behaviour

[kok0]

the real question is why do you keep giving him lunch if you already know what is going to happen to it? He is obviously not eating it, so there is no point in you insisting on it.  (now, please don't hate I'm just asking)
Now, about the habit itself, there may be a deeper underlying reason and what you see is just the tip of the iceberg.  Maybe there is something negative associated with the lunch itself. Being a middle school teacher, my very first guess is what most parents never want to confront: BULLYING. Not the physical kind, but maybe sometime back when the behaviour started, a kid mocked him for bringing a lunch packed by mommy and his ego was hurt so he associates lunch with humilliation. It's just a wild guess.

What I am certain of, however, is that instead of nagging him and telling him his behavior isn't normal, you try and sit down to talk, avoiding the hidden-lunch issue. Just try to communicate with him, ask him about his day, his friends, in a casual manner. You may find the answer you seek, Or, failing that, you may build the necessary trust between you two for him to tell you why.

[Anthony_diaper_boy]

Well... I do that sometimes to im 13 and the answer is make something different he obviously doesn't
Like what your giving him I have had sandwiches for lunch since grade one and I'm tired of them and they get warm and squished and nasty in my kitbag
Atleast anyways so that's all I have to say

[MissPTB]

Hi,

I am in exactly the same position with my son, although the only difference is that it has gone on for 3 to 4 years now... To the person who pins blame about why this is still going on, you would need to be in the situation to understand. It isn't helping especially as we are already blaming ourselves for it, as parents it is natural to. So if you don't have positive or encouraging comments, don't.

I wondered if you had considered speaking to your doctor about it? That's what I intend to do as I am more concerned about the behaviour rather than the fact he is hiding food. I definitely think it is linked to his emotions as I also have a very similar story to yours... Sometimes it is hard to admit when we need outside help, but I realise I can't do it on my own, so maybe a visit to the doctor's would be a start? I do hope you find a solution.

[Stef110]

It's possible that maybe even he doesn't know. He could be doing it subconsciously. If I had to guess I would say after what has happened he knows you are going to find it at some point. I think he wants your attention. Sometimes it is hard to tell your parents how you feel so you express it in another way. He could be continually doing it because he knows it gets a reaction out of you. I think maybe you need to spend more personal time with him doing something he wants to do. Let him show you who he is and what makes him because at 13, you are growing into your own person.
Then again, it could just be his way of getting back at you if you've made him upset, something small that would bother you. Or it could just be something entirely different. It's hard to suggest anything over the internet.

[ajm344]

Hi - we have the same problem and it seems to be more widespread than I thought after talking to people - the same thing, hiding food in room til its mouldy etc - food that he likes ! the same food that he eats after school - at wits end as to how to stop it - my sister did the same thing as a kid - now as an adult she has no idea why - no help I realise - maybe it's just a boy thing ?

[ajm344]

Hi - we have the same problem and it seems to be more widespread than I thought after talking to people - the same thing, hiding food in room til its mouldy etc - food that he likes ! the same food that he eats after school - at wits end as to how to stop it - my sister did the same thing as a kid - now as an adult she has no idea why - no help I realise - maybe it's just a boy thing ?

[KatJord]

Hi Thank you for your reply, I did respond but think I put it in the wrong area as it isn't showing.  He's a bright boy, top of his class, witty, conversant.  I did split from his dad when he was 1.  His father used to tell him way back when he was about 3 years old that his food was better than mine (things like boiled eggs and milo, would you believe?) which I have always wondered if it has had a negative psychological effect on him.  However, it also needs to be said that I studied nutrition, qualified as a home economist and have extensively worked in the catering industry so it's not as if my son isn't getting the nutrition he needs at home.  It is an effort to get breakfast into him, but we usually succeed with some small morsel.  By afternoon tea he is ravenous and devours everything in sight.  He also demolishes his dinner.  So I don't think it''s the food, I think it's the behaviour of hiding the food which is an issue.
I did ask him if it was something like a dilemma, he would feel guilty about wasting food so doesn't want to throw it away, but not hungry so can't eat it kind of dilemma perhaps?  But he said no.  
He does have an obsession with his "abs" so I wonder if body image also comes into it?  However if his friends are shouting he has no problems devouring sausage sandwiches etc.   It's definitely the hiding of the food which I'm finding odd.

[RockRose]

I don't understand how this is happening.  Since it's been going on for 5 years,  it seems like the simplest solution would be to give him his lunch as he heads out the door,  and then when he returns from school check his backpack before he's allowed to go to his room so he can't bring his lunch home and hide it.

Since he's been doing this for 5 years,  you've obviously thought of that - why isn't that working?

An aside, children who have been through periods of need where they don't have enough food or other essentials hoard food and don't eat it.  Has he had a struggle that he's traumatized from?