Parenting Children (6-12) Community
Is it controlling behavior or suspicious behavior
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting children (age 6-12), including physical development, handling school & classes, emotional development, cognitive development, and games and activities.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Is it controlling behavior or suspicious behavior

We've been raising our 9 year old niece for the past 5 years (she was previously molested by her grandfather before coming here). My husband is a very controlling person by nature but I'm wondering if something else is going on between him and our niece. When they are away from me (sitting out on the porch for example) He stares into her eyes and she seems to melt and place her head on his arm (now this seems like normal daddy daughter behavior) however, in front of me he pretends he can't stand having kids around and yells and complains alot. He also controls her every move when she's at the dinner table (table manners, reminders to clear her plate, etc.) the types of things that I as the Mom would normally correct. When he walks around the house, she watches his every move. The other day I told her that I observered them sitting on the porch showing love and affection and how I loved seeing the two of them bonding. She smiled and said we also play a game where we sit side by side and push it other's legs...again, this seems innocent enough but why is it that he mostly shows affection for her when he's away from me? On the other hand he gives her lots of hugs and often touches her neck, back or arm when he walks past her. It just doesn't match up so I'm not sure if it's just part of his controlling behavior or if I should be suspicious of this inconsistent behavior?
5 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
134578_tn?1404951303
Was the grandfather who molested her, your husband's father?  Do you know if your husband was ever molested?  I'd be more worried and suspicious if so.
Blank
5914096_tn?1399922587
If your niece was sexually abused, she should be receiving mental health counseling.  Kids who were or are being sexually abused typically have boundary issues to no fault of their own.  That is why therapy is so important.  Regarding your concerns of suspicious behavior, this issue should be discussed with the therapist.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
It was her Father's father who molested her, her mother is my sister
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Mark, she's actually been through extensive therapy and was released about 6 months ago as healthy. That's part of what makes this so tricky because as we all know those that have been molested are easy prey and since her the therapy sessions are over no more reporting or observing by a therapist is necessary. However, I think it may be a good idea for me to speak to a therapist about my suspicions. I just joined this site, saw similar questions and decided to post mine her as well. Thanks for your feedback.
Blank
5914096_tn?1399922587
I think discussing your suspicions with a therapist is a very good idea.  Also, maintaining a constant and open dialogue with your niece is also very important.
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Parenting Children (6-12) Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
Marathon Running Done Over Many Yea...
May 21 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Article on Multifocal IOL vs &q...
May 21 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
748543_tn?1371753642
Blank
TMJ/TMJ The Connection Between Teet...
Jan 27 by Hamidreza Nassery , DMD, FICOI, FAGDBlank