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Is it the right thing to tell her?
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Is it the right thing to tell her?

My girl is 8 year old an know my husband as her father. We met when she were 5 months old. He accepted her as his own. My little cousin found out about it on one or other way and told my husband that she know he is not her real dad. This bother my husband very much. We are scared that the truth will come out someday. Is it the right thing to tell her. She had allot of emotional things last year because of my little boy that died. She is a very sensitive child. The other problem is that at that time i were engaged with a pig. We broke up for a while because he abused me allot. In that time i met somebody. And yes, we did have a intimate relationship for about a month. Very stupid of me. He believed from day one that it is his child. He wanted to get married. Because of all the guy that abused me i just wanted to get away from everything and everybody. In my heart i also know that this friend is the father but there is this little doubt. If it is the fiancee then i will never tell her the truth. After my niece told my husband that she know the truth i went to search for this friend and found him on facebook. I think it's about a week ago. We started talking. He does not want me to cause problems for her or to hurt her. He were always thinking about me and her.   It's such a big messed up thing and i don't know what to do. If i keep it away know and if she might find out when she is older then she might hate me and her dad for not telling her,
2 Comments Post a Comment
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there.  Well first, your husband IS her father.  He acts as her dad, is raising her, loves her.  This should breed security on her part.  And on your part and his part.  

This younger cousin is rude and inconsiderate.  What an angry person to make a big deal out of this.  It says a lot about this cousin and their low character.

She's 8.  My kids haven't had the sex talk yet at 8.  They don't understand  that there is a bio dad that just gave sperm to make a baby and then there is someone that acts as her father and IS her father of the heart.  In a few years, tell her.

And I'd tell that cousin that you will eventually tell her but until you and your husband decide to do so that she needs to be quiet.  It's none of her business and there is a screw lose of someone that thinks they should involve themselves in such family matters.  

good luck
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13167_tn?1327197724
I agree with specialmom,  but I will say I can't follow this story at all.  

It's clear that your now husband has acted in the role of daddy to her,  is not her daddy,  and didn't know her until she was already born.

I can't tell who the other two are - one was a fiance and one was a friend,  I guess,  although it seems you aren't completely sure who the dad is among those two,  although your niece/cousin seems to know somehow.

I'd say don't tell.  Rarely to children in stable loving homes "hate" someone for glossing over an ugly truth and choosing to give her an intact family.
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