MY 6YR OLD WON'T STOP PEEING AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

My daughter was potty trained day and night from age 2. Stopped at age 4!! Yes, she went through some hard times with her father leaving and of course that upset her but everything in our lives is good now!! I don't care what anyone says there is noooooo reason good enough for her to be peeing herself constantly!!! I have no more patience with it anymore!!! I am so angry with her now, frustrated, impatient. I honestly do not have even close to the relationship that I used to or that I do with my 4yr old whom is completely potty trained. There is nothing physically wrong with her!!!! It needs to stop. Here, I have a wonderful man in our lives and have since not long after the father left. He has added so much good to our family. But the stress that this puts on me is ruining my relationship. I do not know what to do!! I can't help but ending up feeling excruciatingly angry with her inside for all that she is causing purely out of her being dirty and lazy. If she wants to hold her pee, she can! She has many times. she just chooses to be lazy! She lies about it, she tries to hide it, or she just tells me without an ounce of shame or guilt! What is wrong with my kid??? How can I get our life back and get her to stop!?

[AnnieBrooke]

See a therapist.  You are being out of control with her -- you are the adult, she is a child.  In six years, with only a child's emotional tools to cope, she has been potty trained (rather early), then lost her dad, then had to deal with a man she originally didn't know that you are telling her is a daddy substitute.  You are angry at her if she doesn't toe the line with all these changes.  What weapons and defenses does she have against all of that, especially against your anger?  Only one.

Please see a therapist.  If you no longer love your child, consider asking a relative who DOES love her to take her for a while, so you can get your act together and stop being so angry.  She is just a child.  You are an adult.  You should be able to do better with your own anger, and if you can't, you should find a safe haven for your child even if it is away from you.

[RockRose]

I TOTALLY agree with Annie.  sOfedup,   calm down.  What would you do if you had a daughter in a wheelchair who couldn't control her bladder?    However you would manage that,  manage THIS with your daughter.  

"Everything" in her life may not be good now,  although it's good in your life.  

Why are you letting this ruin your relationship?  Is it possible that your daughter doesn't feel blissful in this new family dynamic without her dad?

[Autistic4Life]

Hi Ma'm, I am a uniquely gifted person with Autism Syndrome Disorder.  I have studied human dynamics my whole life, since I was outcast from participating most of my whole life.  What I see is a breakdown of the relationship and a forgetting of the importance of "who" a human being is.  I would like to offer the suggestion that you are angry with the other man and your own child's resemblance of him makes your anger rise up when you see her.  I want to advise you to remind yourself constantly that your daughter is a human being, and ultimately she does not belong to anyone.  She will grow up and become a free-will person as an adult.  My question for you Ma'm is this: How are you preparing her for becoming an adult?  I will explain this.  How you treat your daughter will come back when she is a Mother herself!  I think this time should be taken to reevaluate your relationship with your daughter.  You have the opportunity to teach her that real love does not care about situations and circumstances.  Teach her to be stronger than her Father!  If you show her love and respect while she is in the midst of this trying situation then I know you will be overwhelmingly surprised at the positive effects that real love can have.

When a human being struggles we should help them as best as we can.  If you can afford the afford the expense I think you should get her some disposable help to ease the situation, if you haven't already.  It's Okay for a four year old to have a relapse it happens quiet often and when handled in a positive way it can resolve itself after some months.  In the fifties they used to use plastic pants and thick cotton underwear.  Remember the child's sleepers with the buttons in the back?  This is nothing new.  That is why today we have disposables now.  Children often struggle with toilet use as they grow and develop.  The pressures of the human body stretching out as it grows can possibly cause the bladder to stretch or sag causing the timing of the alert system to not function correctly.  If this occurs then sometimes your daughter will make it to the toilet and sometimes she won't because she is not getting sufficient warning times.  It could just be that simple.  You have no idea how common it is for four to five year olds to fall back into needing help with potty-training issues.  It can happen again at ages eight and nine as well.  It's usually quiet common and only lasts a few months at most, usually only for a few weeks; unless the parent or guardian makes it an emotional trauma in which the child becomes emotionally unstable and cannot find their body's rhythm again!

So my advice is simple: Work gently with her, repeat the very basics of potty-training with her in a positive and emotionally stable way that lets her know that this is not her fault, it's just the human body which is a messy and bizarre thing indeed.  Another possibility is that we all develop the ability to hold ourselves for up to two hours, but how do we do that - perhaps during the ages of four to eight when we begin pressing the time frames and it takes trail and error.  All of us do this naturally as we grow up.  That's just part of growing up as a human being.  But I would like you to take this trying time to reestablish the emotional bond with *your* daughter.  She is a unique one of a kind human being and you are responsible for teaching her how to become an adult.  How you treat her now is how she will treat her own children some day!  But even more important than that, you are letting spite block you from seeing a unique human child who loves you and respects you and is NOT her Father.  She carries his genetic code but not his heart or soul; she has her own heart and her own soul.  I would like you to spend time with her and get to know her heart and soul.  You must do this or you will drive her away from you and regret it forever.  This is *your* child and she *needs* you.  Her bodies not functioning correctly and I'm sure she's even more upset than you are inside herself.  You must know that open defiance is an outward action of inward suppressed pain.  Often children are underdeveloped and cannot express frustrations when things don't work right, especially regarding their body that they know so little about.  So the child will often put up a front, because we are all born proud, and they won't admit their weakness.  Children often lie when they are afraid, and so feeling helpless makes her scared, so she lies and tells herself she's doing it on purpose and she acts like she is.  But ultimately no matter how stressful something is I cannot see a healthy child soiling themselves on purpose.  I think she's growing and developing and she's afraid to admit that she doesn't have control of her bladder at this time so she lies about not having control of it.  That is where it is your responsibility to comfort her, hold her, and spend quality time with her.  You need to get to know her.  Don't make too much fuss of her limitations.  Provide the help she needs and always go over potty-training basics until she's back at it on her own.  But I see the best way as the approach you use to teach her shapes and numbers.  Just make it fun, redundant, and matter of a fact.  You wouldn't be angry if she suddenly thought a triangle was a circle.  You just have to go over the basics until she gets things straightened out again.  Sometimes in the area of toilet use it may take some months and maybe a few years.  But just remember how yucky it feels and know that she doesn't do it on purpose because its gross and uncomfortable.  More than likely it's just a growth process taking shape.  Never forget the fifties button sleepers, and remember this situation has happened for years!  It's nothing new, just a growth process.  I highly recommend using disposable products with positive encouragements and routine potty-training basics and fundamentals.  But what I care about most of all is your life-long relationship with another human being who is your own daughter.  Don't ever forget who she is and that is always a one of a kind heart and soul and she is your Gift in your life to not only have as a Friend, but also to help you grow and develop more.  In this area you can learn so much about patience and love in the midst of trying times!  She was Gifted to you to help you grow to become a more and more of a good human being, through difficult character development.  The patience you learn with her will be exponentially valuable with interactions of other human beings your own age!  She will teach you how to become a better person if you respect her and make full use of the opportunities she affords to you.  This will not be the only trying time- better develop good character from this one, you'll need it for what's to come in life latter on as she becomes mature!  When you form a bonded relationship you grow each other up together- that's the Beauty of a Mother and a Daughter!

[Tennesseegirl1990]

Sounds to me like something bad is happening to your daughter. Something that is making her find the only way she can to get your attention-peeing. I'm not saying that she doesn't get your attention, I'm saying something is wrong, something is going on. She needs help, and soon.
She's a child still. She needs your help.

[tonynmich7]

I agree I am in the same situation. My daughter is 6 years old she's a very smart little girl very advanced in everything since she was a baby. She now started a few months ago peeing in her pants during the day. She was never potty trained at night, but has regressed this past year with the peeing situation. Me and her dad got a divorce recently and she was very close to him. I took her to an urologist and her bladder is fine, her pediatrician says it has to be emotionally, I tend to agree. I cannot comprehend that her being so smart would not care to be wet in school, it has to be that she's trying to express her emotions through this behavior. I am frustrated as well trust me but if "WE" the mothers of these children do not help them then who will? I have faith in GOD that this is just a phase and will get better! Good luck to all of us