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Masterbation Concern - she's 8 years old
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Masterbation Concern - she's 8 years old

Hi there, I am a mother of an 8 year old (just turned 2 days ago). I am very concerned about my daughter and masterbation (masturbation). I noticed a problem a long time ago (maybe age 4) but I read up about it and figured it was normal. Now it seems to have gotten out of hand, in my opinion. Every night, my daughter goes to bed around 8:30 - 9 pm (summer bedtime)..but when we go to bed, she is still awake, sometimes up to 4 hours after she has been tucked in to bed. I have caught her a few times masterbating (masturbating) very late at night when I thought she was asleep, and given the problems in the past decided to check up on her more regularly once she was in bed. I suspect that she is masterbating (masturbating) for pretty much the entire 4 hours, and smelling her fingers it is apparant that this is the case. I have tried to explain to her that if she wants to do this, she is to do it in private and not when she is supposed to be sleeping. I tried to explain that she is not getting enough sleep, and her body needs sleep to grow and be healthy. But it still continues. How can she not be tired? She is awake at 630-7am every day, and is awake when my husband and I go to bed, sometimes as late as midnight or 1am. She is cranky and emotional during the day, and has dark circles under her eyes. So, to me this is becoming a real problem. I tried to talk to my husband about it, but he doesnt want to hear a word about it. He becomes very upset and frustrated at the idea, and seems to rather be in denial about it, than to help me to help her. Please help. I need to know if this is in fact normal (which I really think it is isnt), and what I can do about it. I have tried leaving soothing music on, playing a movie for her, but nothing works..it seems like she is never sleeping, and always masterbating (masturbating) at bedtime. I just dont understand. I am really concerned and feel so helpless. It doesnt seem normal for an 8 year old who is active all day to be awake so late. It is almost as if she is afraid to sleep, or is worried she is missing out on something when she is asleep. She seems to hate sleep, almost like she doesnt want to be alone. She has never had a problem with nightmares, and seems very healthy otherwise. Being up most of the night masterbating (masturbating) has got to stop. Can you please offer some insight here? I really need to know what to do.
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13 Comments Post a Comment
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535822_tn?1417529476
I think you are correct to be concerned about it as it does seem excessive , has there been any other person alone with her she could be emulating , children often copy   behaviors, check this out first, ask her some indirect questions about it , you may learn more that way, does she have Baby sitters she is alone with , be observant and check it out , some of this is normal but what you have described needs addressing. your Husband should take this seriously also,
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Avatar_m_tn
You said, "I tried to talk to my husband about it, but he doesnt want to hear a word about it. He becomes very upset and frustrated at the idea, and seems to rather be in denial about it, than to help me to help her."

I'm sorry to say this, but alarm bells went off in my head when I read this.  Maybe your husband has something to do with the problem.  I pray I'm wrong.
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Avatar_n_tn
I  don't know how to tell you this. But I did the same thing as a child. I started after I was sexually abused. I only remember  sexual abuse from age 8 on. But it could have started earlier.I was abused by my brothers and a neighbor next door. They never caused me pain but they put fingers where they didn't belong and made me touch things an 8 year old shouldn't have to touch.  What I do remember is always putting my hand there and rubbing myself, it made me feel safe. Like this time I had control over it, this time I touched it. I can remember my mother coming in and waking me as  she was pulling my hand out of my pajama's. But I usually woke with my hand back there.  It was easy to forgive my brothers, they were in their teens. But the dirty old man next door. I'm still having a hard time with him. I used to be mother's helper to his grandson and he always pulled me on his lap and the rest you know. I hated it and didn't want to go there, but my mother said there was no reason I shouldn't go make some money. Remember it's usually always someone close with easy access who does the abusing. I too pray this is not true. But it sounds just like me. Get professional help to determine this. As most likely she will not tell you if someone is touching her. Because it's probably someone she loves. I can tell you that I never told my mother for deep inside I knew it was wrong, but neither did she ask.

I pray for you and your daughter.
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334776_tn?1249972181
i must say, rsm and winnie have shown good points...if your daughter is being abused, she may not know it's wrong...therefore, if she's told "it's ok it feels good", then she's possibly going to do it on her own....winnie's story is frightening, but happens more often than not....

also, and please no one judge me, but have an electrician come to your home....the reason i say this, is when i was about 19, i remember a case where a neighborhood sitter's father would "play" with the kids when his daughter was not in the room, and for some household reason, 1 set of parents had an electrician at their home(again, he was called for everyday reasons), and upon a walkthrough of their attic, he found video equipment in the ac and fan braces over their daughters room....he followed out the wires, and realized, they went straight into the neighbors attic...the sitters' father had somehow made it look like the wires were supposed to be there....the electrician told the parents and showed them, and they immediately called a surveillance company, who contacted the police....afterwards, from what i remember, the police found several "electrical" wires that ran to the house on the other side of the sitter, as well as the house behind them...allegedly, the parents knew something was up due to their daughters behaviour, but never suspected what they found in their attic....they too, thought it normal i'm sure...it is, to a certain extent....also, the man had tapes where when the neighborhood children went to each others homes, they'd "play' house, dr etc...so needless to say, i believe he was found in posession of some 200+ tapes....he'd "watch" the children repeat with each other, what he had "taught" them, so to speak....
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Avatar_f_tn
My daughter is 8 and a half and masturbates every other day for a little while and I don't know how to react. I know it is. Normal but when should I be concerned will it stop or grow on her if I don't say anything.what should I say.
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Avatar_m_tn
i think maybe your husband raped her, why is he in denial? he probably realized his mistake later
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Avatar_f_tn
This is absurd...blame the husband because he doesn't wanna get involved in his DAUGHTERS masturbation issues. I wouldn't either because it's awkward. Boys talk to boys about this stuff and girls should talk to girls about it. Instead this guy is now a rapist because he doesn't wanna get involved in GIRL problems.  
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Avatar_f_tn
If a man told his wife..."Johnny has a problem with touching himself what should I do". Wife says "I don't what it's like to be a guy, can you handle this?". A reasonable thought process I think. But noooo, wife must be touching him because she's avoiding the situation. Absurd thinking by absurd people on this forum.
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