My daugher can't sleep alone

[Emma130]

My daughter is just about to turn 7. She refuses to sleep alone, she can't fall asleep unless my husband or I are beside her, after she has fallen asleep I will try to sneak out, sometimes we do but many times she will sense that we are leaving and call us back. If we do get away to our own bedroom she is guaranteed to wake up (usually between midnight and 1:30 am). A few times we've tried to help her sleep without us but the crying and gagging and screaming will not stop and she does not give up..she will do this with no end. I feel sorry to see her so scared. She said she is not afraid of anything in particular in her room, we've tried the lights on nothing seems to calm her down. In the waking hours she is a good, calm child..but not very independant..even at school and at home she can't do things on her own she always has to have someone there to help her clean her room, to do her homework, to change her clothes at school her teacher said she was ok working with a helper beside her but once she was left on her own she just froze..this affected her school year a lot, she was falling behind in reading and writing. With all the love and encouragement she gets, I don't know why she is so afraid of falling asleep in her room by herself. The only time she gets a good nights sleep is when she is in our bed or I am in her bed

[jdtm]

I suspect your child is suffering from anxiety.  "Anxiety is a broad category of emotions that covers incapacities due to extreme apprehension, fearfulness, terror, and intense dread" (this is a quote from Real Life by Dr. Phil McGraw - acknowledging the author rather than plagiarize).  If you daughter is suffering from anxiety, she will feel this way most of her day and perhaps, nights.  No one causes anxiety; it usually is an inherited trait and "flares up" under times of stress.  It appears school and going to bed are stressful events for your child.  Anxiety is such that you or your child will never find the "cause" of her fears; it just is.

I would suggest you contact your child's pediatrician to ask for help.  If he/she is unable to offer any concrete advice, then I would suggest you ask for a referral to a specialist with experience in anxiety disorders.  Hope this helps ...

[cowgirlnerd]

Emma,
I know the doctor's, talk show hosts, magazines, etc., tell you - DON"T LET YOUR CHILD WIN THE SLEEPING WITH YOU WAR!".....ok, I am a Mom.  When my son reacted very much the same way you did, he slept with me.  My "Mommy" kicked in and I couldn't stand to let him be afraid (because you and I know that it's a real fear / anxiety - not an attention getter), and it's our job to comfort our babies.

It takes a little planning to have "privacy" with your spouse, but in the end, they grow up fast, and it's all going to work out one way or the other.

My guess is that if it's taking you half the night to get her asleep, and you are up and down anyway, you are exhausted.   What I did (and my son sleeps alone now), is to start it gradually.  He was allowed to sleep with us at first, then we changed it to making him a small area to "camp out" in the room (blow up bed thing), and then we moved the ordeal to US sleeping in his room.  After he figured out that we were around no matter where we were, and his room wasn't scary - he decided he wanted to be a "Big Boy" and sleep in his room.  Still, at times, I lie down with him and he is asleep within 5 minutes.  We take out the stimulations like TV, and he has a radio that has soothing music and he sleeps all night.

Hang in there, I know how hard it can be.  

[margypops]

She  needs you to take her to bed and leave her there you can read to her first and tell her she should sleep in her own bed, dont say anything else ,tuck her in say goodnight and leave, she will yell ,but do not give in, dont stay in her room and dont let her sleep with you  be consistant it may be noisy for a few nights,you are starting this late and you have enabled it by staying in her room and sneaking out etc so she won that battle now you have to take control back,she knows you feel for her ,  so it will be tough but consistancy is the key .,If you cannot do it ask the Doctor if he has any advice.