My daughter is hitting me

[jessann3386]

Hello, my 8 year old and I have been through a lot of changes in the past 6 months. A separtaion from my husband, moving in and out of my parents house with an agrument at the root of the move out, and now finally we have moved into an apartment on our own over the holidays. For the last 4 days my daughter has been throwing tantrums and hitting me, saying she hates me and once even said she wanted to kill me. This is not typical behavior of my daughter and I dont know how to prevent these episodes. I thought maybe it was a one time thing, but she has continued the pattern each night before bed she will find some reason not to listen to me and will start hitting, kicking and pushing me. She actually gave me a bloody fat lip, and I cant hold her off. I feel now like I am watching a movie when she is like this and cant seem to help her. I ask her to talk to me, ask why she is so angry, she says doesnt know. The fighting usually ends with a long crying session and sleep. Please help, I set up a counciling appt for myself through and employee assistance program but its not for 3 weeks. What can I do meanwhile?

[testedandtruemom]

It's nice to see my child a product of divorce is not the only child showing the symptoms of anger and rage.  I too have a pending appointment with counselling however in the meantime I find myself apprehensive about "episodes", frustrated, scared of the physical confrontation my 6 1/2 year old can pitch out at me.  I know the root or cause (anger and frustation - he does say more often he wants Daddy and I to live together) but I don't know how to help him.  He mimicks his father so much I find it hard when he is having these episodes to get past that.  His Dad was never physically abusive at all but very, very willful and refused to communicate, negotiate.  I am trying to see my son as his own person but fighting with him reminds me of fighting with his Father, the reason for the divorce.  Two weeks before christmas this started, it has been a long 6 weeks.  I am tired and running out of ammunition.  I have taken away privileges, put him in his room, etc.  I find reprieve in letting him scream and rage it out, not engaging (which I was doing and it only brought out the worst in me and showed him I have no control over myself).
I then talk to him calmly.  I stick to my guns, he tries it again but I am hoping after time he will get the idea that raging doesn't get you what you want.  I pray to God that I find the tools and strength to come up with a way to teach him how to let feelings out before they explode.

[smekat]

Sit her down Hold her and ask her what it is that makes this happen at night time and what she thinks may happen. Tell her than if she continues to behave in this way (tell her lovingly) then you will have to take stuff away... PC's TV, toys etc..
and stick to it. She needs to know this is so not acceptable.
Also she needs to know that you hurt to, make a safe place for her to talk to you.
She may blame you for the changes. Explain the changes to her. Let her know that mummy and daddy love her no matter what.
SHe will settle, but the hitting needs none physical punishment.
Try to be calm, she is one little lost child and you have it in you to rescue her.

[Blackbutterfly_0385]

Honestly put her in her room and let her throw her fits. Never try to restrain her, you will only hurt yourself. Ignore it. put her in her room until she is calm. Make sure things you don't want broken are put up though. This is her way of dealing with the changes. Is it only at night before bed that she does this? Who use to put her to bed?

[nellybee]

My daughter does that hitting thing too, sometimes, sporadically, but she used to do it a lot more often in the past, right after the divorce and in and out of the grandparents house. A lot of talking seems to help, but also I believe in spanking and other methods of discipline like timeout and witholding preferred activities at bed time, like reading a story or praying together. It takes a lot of time and patience...

[miscdesign]

I'm assuming that you are bigger than your daughter, I would hold her so that she can't hurt you or herself.  Have her back facing you, hold each arm so that she is hugging herself, lean against a wall (support) and sit yourself and her down till she has calmed down.  It's a safe way if you can't control her any other way (timeouts, etc...).  No yelling, no screaming, just sit there calmly until she is calm.  Then when she is talk with her and see if you can find out the issue.  Also get her an appointment for therapy, she seems to need it.