My son is 5 years old and has no idea that my husband is not his biological father. My husband has been in his life since he was 2, so he'll eventually be able to see that I'm the only one in his baby pictures.
His bio father has been in and out of prison since my son was born. He's never attempted to meet his "son" and he has four other children whom he is estranged from as well.
A part of me wants my son to never meet him. He would not be a good influence. As it stands, he's in prison until 2015. I don't want my son to seek out his no-good father. My husband is his daddy. It was his choice to call him daddy and at this point, he doesn't ever remember not having him around.
I struggle with the question of when to tell my son that he has a bio father who is not his daddy. I know I have to tell him, I just don't know what a good age would be. He wouldn't understand it at this point.
I hurt for my son because it pains me that his bio father would rather commit crimes than reach out to his children. I don't want my son to feel rejected.
Also, my son is mixed. My husband and I are not, so there really is no secret that he isn't both biologically ours. There won't be any hiding the fact that he has another parent out there and I want him to hear it from me rather than some perseptive observer.
Has your husband adopted him? It will help a lot if, by the time you have the talk, he is the legal son of your husband, and has been for a long time. He isn't going to care so much about finding his sperm donor dad if his legal dad is right there and has always been.
You are definitely right about wanting your child to hear it from you than from someone else. I am in a similar situation and feel your pain. My son is 8 now and he only knows his dad (stepdad) as dad. I currently find myself in a dilemma because his biological dad is now asking to be involved. I understand what you mean when you feel it would be best if they never know of the situation but it is inevitable. The children eventually ask and maybe your ex will look for your son when he gets out. I think it would be best to talk to your son like you said, before he hears it from other people first. Good luck and keep us posted.
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