I have a 6 and 10yr old. We are a military family and both boys have been diagnosed with ADHD, as well as my 10 yr also has ODD. My 10 yr old has straighted up for the most part, compared to his behavior a year or 2 years ago. His major issues now are lying, sloppiness and not caring on his homework and being sneaky. We can handle this for the most part.
The major problem is with our 6yr old. He has had tubes in his ears 2ce, adnotes and tonsils removed and occassionally still gets fluid in his ears. His speech is delayed and he is in speech therapy, twice a week at school. He is having troubles learning to read, more less staying focused on trying to read. He will guess off the wall words instead of sounding it out and forgets the word in 2 secs after us telling him what it is. Very frusterating.
The main problem is his tantrums. At school, we get bad reports daily. He refuses to write, tears up his tests/homework, throws his spelling/reading books, pencil boxes, etc. talks back, says no very aggressively, etc. He runs from class when he gets mad. Everyone is trying behvaior charts, incentives, explaining to him why this is not acceptable. He tells us every morning, he will be good but its like it goes in one ear and out the other.
We have tried everything to get through to him - love, understanding, grounding, putting him in the corner, taking things away, etc. Literally, all he has in his room is a bed, clothes and books. All toys have been put in storage and he has no acess to anything.
In an effort to help him with reading, phonics, etc we broke down and bought the leapster didj console. Its a game console but we can monitor his learning via our home computer and we can custom the learning to what he is doing in school. Figured it was worth a shot.
The problem that comes in - we have tried every form of punishment and correcting behavior but nothing works, We try to include him in cleaning and other things we do around the house, but its difficult b/c he makes a bigger mess than we originally had. How do we get through to him? How do we correct this behavior and get him to want to do his best?
We are so frusterated and at a loss.
Both boys (10 and 6) are on the same dose of Concerta in the morning, 54mg. My 10 year also takes an afternoon does of Ritalin of 5 or 10mg at lunch time. I dont want to over-medicate my children.
I don't have any children of my own with ADD but my husband is ADD and dyslexic has a military background and has more integrity than any man I have ever met. He was never a behavior problem for his parents, and was actually harder on himself than an adult would have been- he was self disciplined....
How is he doing with leapster?
Just use zero emotion when dealing with him.
and the behavior issue- yelling NO at an adult is not acceptable- no way- no how- and you are motivating him with negative reinforcement and it is not working- or has it just been a short while? Years or weeks or days?- the only other thing I know to do is worth a shot: rewards only and clear understanding of what these two rules mean:
Every time my child was disresepctful or disobedient he marked on the kitchen calendar in his own writing the offence- then the words 'minus one dollar'- So your goal is with a 30 day month- 30 dollars to spend at the end of the month- my boys loved Lego's and could buy something pretty nice even if he made 20$- the thing is- there is no other punishment- you say "mark the calendar"- and THEY write what they did- they are accountable for admitting the behavior. We are Catholic too so we encouraged Confession after age 8- we couldn't make him go but he was ok with it and always felt a fresh start- a whole nother set of discussions if you want to chat about it - we can also realize that at age 6 a consceince is not fully developed, so when his long term punishment is losing all his toys- he may feel like giving up- I would recommend this tactic for someone over age 10-
No, we are working on all the testing now with the school. He has a behavioral chart on the wall - it says:
get up, get dressed for school
be good at school
listen to his teacher
do all his schoolwork
its pretty simple. right now we are just focusing at school on his behavior. He has done this since summer 07 in vpk but not as bad. He use to run a lot and that has cut down immensely. he has only ran twice this year. He hates writing and thats his worse subject and when he really gets frusterated. He has a hard time reading and wont stay with it for long.
He hasnt started the Didj yet. We are waiting for it to arrive. So, we will monitor and adjust it to his classwork once received.
He had a good day today at school... thank god!
The teacher is now only marking stars, no star or half star in his planner b/c he knew bad things were in there about his behavior. Now, she emails me about lunchtime, every day how his day has gone and emails again, end of day how the rest of the day went.
well all I know is- if you ask an adult or a chid if they like a subject they are struggling in- they will say they hate that subject.....The thing I liked about the dyslexia was the grading- we did not grade so much for content:
what does this mean- " he ran " a lot? I don't see the poor schoolwork as any kind of excuse whatsoever for showing frustration but whether it excuses it or not- I think you have found the reason for why he is worsening- he is frustrated and cannot find a way to verbalize it and say "you know I am really upset because I don't do well in school- I get up every morning knowing I will fail and I wish I could do better but I can't- not yet" that is what a rational adult says - but not a 6 year old. And your child is ADD also? Is there complete silence in the school room or are kiddos jabbering?
yes I am proud you all had a great day today- YAYAYAAAAAA-- if you insist on the priveleges being withheld- I 'd suggest giving back one toy after 5 consecutive days of appropriate behavior/ all stars/ tell him in advance so he will have a goal? maybe? Discuss it with dad and see if he agrees
He use to run from school. Run out of the classroom and across the school-yard. He doesn't care about toys and such. We have to figure out what really peaks his interest. He is a very smart little boy and can be ver coniving (spelling) if you don't stay on top of him. Almost like a angel with the halo being held up by devil horns.
I am not jumping on the dyslexia wagon, until we get the academic testing back. I dont believe he is dyslexic b/c he does not read, see nor write anything in reverse. He can do math, writing, and little bit of reading when he is focused and wants to! The problem is he gets bored and doesn't want to do it anymore - then it becomes the challenge, tearing it up, refusing, etc.
The problem isn't he completely cannot do it - the problem is trying to keep him focused and on task to complete it and try harder at/with it. He is already on ADHD medication. Its hard to explain really w/o seeing it or reading his teachers comments.
Just wanted you to know though that reversals is one dyslexic symptom/sign only- my husband who is dyslexic sees a word for instance: "aggravate"
his eyes jump to the gg's then the t then the v- then he trained his eyes (with a teacher's help) to begin from left and read slowly from left to right- today he has a college degree, has a good job in the graphic art world working for Department of Defense and can read BUT if he has to read something fast and the added stress maybe of reading aloud he is literally sweating when he finishes reading it.....and don't forget math and all the other subjects DO require him to read- just brainstorming with you mom
I guess you have read on Strong Willed Child- those websites have excellent ideas....
anyways I am so glad you all are starting with the basics again in reading with Leapster........
Thanks so much.. I didnt realize that dylexia can be like that. Wow, learn something new every day.
He read to the principals today... He was so happy - he got 2 ribbons for that. Hope he stays on track, after this.. Talk about a self-esteem boost..
Yes, very strong-willed. Pain in the butt lots of times HA!
Yeh but you can customize each game to what they are doing in their class. Plus, you can monitor their progress via your computer. Its a pretty cool little device. There are a lot of games out there for the systems and broken out by age and grade.
I like that I can monitor online and also customize everything to his class lessons.
We have lightened up on him and when we do.. we find that he doesn't try. He will try and let it go as much as he can. We usually stay on them during homework nights - monday-thurs and then fri-sun he has more freedom to play outside, we go places, etc. if we dont then nothing and I mean nothing gets done.
we are a military family, so in a sense he is in the military - he experiences more than a typical civilian child and he has more roller coaster emotions at times b/c of this.
You cannot compare what a civilian child does and goe through as a military child- they are from 2 different worlds, in a sense.
Yes I can,.. I was one, I was a Military Brat and went through the same things,however my input here is from a childs/parents Perspective .You can still lighten up and have the bounderies regarding his school work and Home work, you have to moderate it with outside activities and sports and Games ,my recollection from my childhood was that in my Family we had a lot of exercise and sports and we were physically put through the proverbial wringer;I did have a roller coaster of emotions but I had a mother with the sense to leave it be and let me sort it out for myself, Hey we all do what we can, I had an up and down life as a service Brat but I travelled a lot and got to see and do a lot of stuff I am glad I did.do,Go on ,try it again lighten up, and wait and see
I am dealing with the same EXACT issues with my step son and he is 6 years old. As far as the ADD, I would say be very very careful with that. They are diagnosing kids left and right for those meds. My stepson does the same stuff at school, but he can tell us how to be good before he leaves for school. He acts up a little at home but its rare. Point is, if you can sit in your childs class, or sit at home with your child and they can act calm, they most likely do not have ADD or ADHD, its just behavior issues.
We took my son to a Therapist (still are) for about 6 months. They told me that if he can do good in school if I sat in the back of the classroom and said nothing, and if he could be calm with just me (not his mom) at home for the day, he does not have ADD. If they have ADD or ADHD then they would not be able to control themselves regardless of the situation. Did the school test the child for ADD? That is usually where it starts. They tried to start us on the testing for his ADD but our Therapist voted against it. And when the schools do that, they usually use their own Therapist and you are not allowed to bring in a Therapist of your choice. I wonder why that is?
What we have found out, is that my stepson doesn't act up with me because I do not allow it, point blank, he knows he cannot get over on me. He acts up a bit around his mom because he can, she allows him to act out a bit more or she reacts to his outbursts. He acts like a devil at school because he KNOWS he can get away with it without any serious consequences. The consequences need to be given at school, it doesn't help for the parent to play "catch up" at home and discipline the child for what they did 5 hours ago. This is all from our Therapist and not my opinion.
The main problem you are most likely having is that you have a strict household at home (i think that is good these days) and the environment and authority at school is laxed for your child. So they act up regardless because they are testing limits and they know they can get over on their teacher.
We have taken toys away and TV and everything, does it change our child's behavior at school? No, because the consequence is way after he did the crime. We have done rewards and everything, but the child does not think that far ahead usually at the age of 6. Some children are just this way. I think you are just dealing with a strong-willed child, and our Therapist told us that we are just going to have to keep butting heads with him and he will hopefully grow out of it.
One thing she said is "do not relax your standards at home based on the schools standards for your child". Do not let your home standards and expectations change just because the school does not hold your child to the same standards. You are the parent and you dictate the rules and regulations for your child. You know your child better than anyone. For our son, he needs direction, he needs to be told what to do and when to do it and that there is no option not to do it. When he is given a choice, or feels he can assert himself and get his way, he will do it to those who will let him.
Thank you for the information. I am not going to lax my home b/c the school is. When he acts out, they send him to the office to hang out and help. He knows if he acts out, he can get out of schoolwork and I disagree with that/this. I am calling a meeting with the principal b/c I am fed up with the school and how they push him off to someone else. I understand they have other students and cannot focus on him one on one but if he acts out a little, he is off to another class, the office, etc.
He had a field trip today and b/c he really didnt want to go -he acted out. Guess what, they sent him to help set up for the science fair. How is this setting standards? I am frusterated with this. He has learned a new game. I dont want to do something, I can act out and go somewhere else.
He was tested for ADHD by school and doctors. He cannot sit still with me or being at home. If will only sit still if he is playing video games - then he still gets up and moves about. He wakes up at 630am and sounds like a fire alarm going off. He is all over the place. Honestly, I dont see the medication helping him focus but I am not at school. I know on the weekends, after the medicine sits in - he is a little calmer but still a bouncy ball. If you are not use to it - you will want to run and hide. I am use to it and it still makes me nutty! I feel as if I am losing my mind anymore.
I have a 10yr old that was like this and it took time for him to grow out. He still has his days and they can be horrid... However, we had to wait it out - hell and back for him to decide when he was ready to behave. We had him in therapy, etc and nothing worked. My 10yr old is in therapy again but a different reason, now.
I just wish there were answers but it is defiantly trial and error.. For my 6 yr old, we havent found that niche that works ... yet!
Yeah with that information, it does seem like the child has ADHD definitely. But on the issue of school, trust me it is frustrating as all hell. My stepson does the same thing, acts up until he is excused from his activity then sent to another classroom. He doesnt see that being sent somewhere else is bad.
Now they are just trying to send him home with us, when we tell them we both work full time and cannot continue to take off work just to come pick him up. The school constantly just lets him act up and not do his work and sends him somewhere else. Shoot, last week we found out that the week before, he completed like 20% of the work in class for the whole week, but we didnt know so now he tries to do the same with us at home. Acts like he cant read, says words that arent even on the paper, acts like he cant count when he has known how to count to 100 since he was 4.
Since your child has ADHD, I would venture to say take him to a therapist of your choice. But also it seems that some of the things he is doing is out of defiance. He is at school for the majority of his day. So his behavior with school related tasks (homework etc) will translate to home because he knows he can do things to get out of it at school.
Stay on him, even if he has ADHD. Its hard to do it, because I know I dont want to be the "hard-*** dad". But kids are smarter than we think, they can smell out weakness and exploit it. Make sure you and your wife are always on the same page also. Because my stepson knows his mom will let him cry a bit more than me, so when she is around he messes up on his homework because he knows mom will bail him out.
Best thing I can say is get an outside Therapists opinion, and continue to care about your childs development. My dad and my grandfather were both hard-*****. I hated it when I was young. Me and my brother constantly hated not having the "freedom" other kids did. But now that I am 25, married with a stepson and one child on the way, I can see why my father was so strict. And I call him and tell him thank you for being so hard on me. It made me live up to higher standards than what was considered normal. And it taught me more self discipline than I would have gotten at school.
Now they are just trying to send him home with us, when we tell them we both work full time and cannot continue to take off work just to come pick him up. The school constantly just lets him act up and not do his work and sends him somewhere else. Shoot, last week we found out that the week before, he completed like 20% of the work in class for the whole week, but we didnt know so now he tries to do the same with us at home. Acts like he cant read, says words that arent even on the paper, acts like he cant count when he has known how to count to 100 since he was 4. <------ this is our 6 year old to a T!!!
He says words not on the paper and then thinks its funny, as we are getting pissed off. My husband and I explain to him we know his games and we talk to his teacher about his progress. He gets this look like O, Sh*t but then doesnt care. Just annoyed.
We have tried the leniant role, tried the strict and tried everything in between. Doesnt matter.
Principal wont call us anymore, finally b/c we have told her over and over again this is what he wants - to try and go home. Its a game, we work and cannot keep taking off. Finally, we got mad and spilled it all out with our thoughts, last year.
Yeah, I dont know why things are so different these days. May be because teachers are scared of the child protection laws or something. But it just seems that in general, schools tend to just push problems kids away until they are out of their classroom/school and they are no longer their problem. Its hard, just stay strong. What I have found out with my stepson is I think he gets a kick out of frustrating my wife and I.
He may not laugh or smirk, but he gets a kick out of it. So I try not to react. When he does it, I tell him he is wrong and just stare at him until he tries again. Just make sure you are the "immovable force" when he is being stubborn. Dont show any reaction to it, and make him do what he needs to. Hang in there :) And make sure you and your spouse take some time every now and then for just the 2 of you. It helps relieve some of the stress at times. Hell, even have a laugh about the stuff after the kids go to bed. Somedays, in order to get through all of my stepson's issues, I just have to make a joke out of it when he isnt around and just have a good laugh. But thats just me and my wierd humor.
Yeh, there are lots of times, after the boys go to bed - we laugh and have no idea why. Sense of going loopy, I guess lol...
Its so annoying that educators arent there for the kids anymore, just a check.. Which, I dont get b/c I always thought they were underpaid.. well, now I think maybe some are paid to much.
I am defiantly ready for a nap, vacation and whatever else in between. My husband is trying to help him with homework now and I hear him saying off the wall things. Why dont they just get - if you focus, get it done the first time, its over sooner and less painful LOL... kids, ughhhhhhhhh - paybacks from our parents or something!
do your schools still use corporal punishment?- some of our schools in Texas do......
forgive me for inserting my 2 cents back in- we had a principal that even though he was allowed to give swats refused to do so- for awhile- he eventually started again- anyhow- our Special Ed teacher had an adopted son that was frequently disrespectful and I mean spitting on teachers etc- this teacher requested to give her sons swats and the principal even refused to let her do it on school grounds- luckily she lived down the street- would give him a nice good pop- tell him how much she loved him and knew he could do better- he was much improved by the end of the year.
He is in his 20's now and is a teacher.
Just a thought..... the schools are letting your sons down by letting them out of work but sometimes feel their hands are tied- yes with child protection laws but that is no excuse for letting them out of class and these ridiculous things you say your boys are manipulating the office personnel into doing-
Child protection laws aren't in issue, especially in Florida! Its such a joke!!! This school, on a military base, has let my child run from school, last year and almost run home. They saw someone else (they had no clue it was my neighbor) going after my child, so the staff turn around and went back to school and let my child, whom was 5 at the time keep going. My neighbor got him and took him back to school. The school did nothing. I called and reported this to the board and the next day my kindergartner was suspended. For me callign the board... Why, wasnt something done to the staff, who gave up and let a stranger, for all they know go after my child?!?
If there was any protection laws, the principal should had neglect filed on her.
Another issue last year, was my child was allowed to go to the office, if having a rough day. Well, it was bad to where they called me to pick him up - at 145.. School, is out at 215pm here for elementary students. By the time, I got to the school it was 230ish. I was walking up to the school and this was before the school was completed and they were still working out of pods. He was lingering outside the pod, alone! I ran into my neighbor and we walked towards the school. My little one, never saw us and took off out of the pod, we stood there a few and waited to see what would happen! Let me tell you....NOT ONE STAFF CAME OUT OF THAT POD, AFTER THIS 5 YR OLD! WTF... I looked at my neighbor, who went after my child and i tore into that office and reamed each and everyone of them. There were 6 staff members in there! the principal was on the phone. I cussed them out. I was shh'd by one and I told them to F themselves. Dont you shush me, when you let my child take off and not one of you get off your @ss and go after him! I slammed the door and went to get him. His teacher had him and was like, I saw him walking alone. She was infuriated also!
The principal came out to talk to me - about 15mins later and asked what wwas going on... DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE OR WHOM COULD OF HAD MY CHILD W/I 15MINS, MORE LESS 2!?!? I ripped into here and she was like so and so said he took off out the back door and she went after him.. BS, I told her, I watched it all go down with my neighbor and her husband! He went out the front and no one came out for him! I told never to lie to me again... Granted, we live on a military base but this is still a public school via the county! However, there is construction going on - for the new school at this time (which is now finished) as well as new housing.. You have no f'ing clue who is doing work out here! Take my child in a heartbeat.
I called the board and ripped into them... GUESS WHAT.... my child was suspended the next day?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME OR WHAT?!? A kindergartner. Who, suspends a kindergartner! I called the board and reported this again, he was suspended again for a day... Why, is this school not getting its @ss reamed, principal investigated or suspended herself... Oh, I know why because Florida schools are sh*t and no one cares about the kids, until something happens to them. I am infuriated with this school.
So, many parents are! However, it is one of the highest rated schools to send our kids and living on a military base, we dont have any other options!
Thank GOD, we leave after this school year. I cant take this **** anymore... Im ready to knock someone out, with all that happened last year!
I give his teacher this year, a little more credit - she is trying to work with him, the best she can and told the principal - dont you think of sending him home b/c that is what he wants.. Hopefully, thats the truth that she is telling me. So far, I have to believe it b/c the moron of a principal hasnt called me once, yet this year - knock on wood!
All I have to say - FLORIDA SCHOOLS SUCK, THEY DONT CARE ABOUT THE CHILDREN NOR THEIR EDUCATION, THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT A PAYCHECK! If anyone, should be having protective services breathing down there neck - its them - they defiantly deserve it!
If i would let my child bolt, like they did - do you know how fast I would have someone breathing down my darn neck? I would barely get a blink of an eye out!
Nice educators, we are trusting the lives of our children with!
Trust me, its not just Florida, its here in California and probably around the nation. I myself am not against giving a child a pop when they get seriously out of hand and disrespectful (note I mean a pop or a spanking, not beating, two different things). However the general public doesnt believe in corporal punishment anymore and even grabbing your child when they try to ignore you gets the attention of teachers and they start questioning you. Yea thats right, teachers questioning the parent on their parenting abilities...........
Problem is, when my stepson acts like he has no sense, the school doesnt want to deal with him, they send him somewhere else. They dont try and correct the behavior, they just send him somewhere else so he can continue to do it, just not in their presence.
Schools need to realize, a teacher for young children is not there to just stand up and recite a lecture. They are there to help our kids grow into socially responsible individuals. Their responsibilities (in my opinion) extend beyond what is in the lesson book. At least thats how it was when I was going to school, the teacher would correct children if they werent acting correctly. Most of these behavior problems with children happen because they can get away with it, and the schools do not do anything to send the message that their behavior is bad.
The children are acting up because they dont want to do their work. So sending them out of class is giving them exactly what they want. So they continue to act bad because in their minds, thats how they get what they want. I remember my stepson's teacher last year and this year telling me he would run out of the classroom when he was mad, or he would yell "I Hate You" to their face. Did they do anything? No, they said "we let him calm down and re-join the class when he was ready"............umm...........he does not and isnt old enough to dictate when he "wants to re-join the class". I told them "he is 6, he does not have an option of being out of the classroom, that is not a choice".
Schools are just a joke these days. Teachers and staff are so "passive" with children these days and speak to the children as if the children are on the same level as the adults. The problem is, we parents are the ones that have to deal with the longterm effects of these issues that occur when our children go to school.
Hell, if I was rich, I would just home-school this child, would save me and his mom a whole lot of heart-ache.
I agree. I believe with laws these days, kids don't get the eye-opener, that we use to! Now, they are beyond disrespectful. We stay on top of our kids but do give them that slack, as soon as they screw up, I tighten, well we tighten those reigns! i am tired of it, really I am.
Wait, I love the new roles daycares take too..... well, lets redirect their behavior, bad behavior. O yes, lets... lets show kids - we can be bad and then be redirected to watch a movie, paint or something else.. O that is such the way to show kids that bad behavior is not acceptable. Screw that! What is wrong with these people.
I want one teacher that is like white on rice to these kids these days... show them that this behavior is not getting them out of class, redirected, or off the hook. I understand they cant touch my kid and I wouldnt want them to. However, I would like a drill seargeant at times to give them an eye opener..
Sorry, I am exhausted.. Only have had about 3 hours of sleep the past 48hours. I cant sleep and I am so exhausted. Going to try again, soon. I pass out 9-10pm and up about 1130pm-12am thinking i slept to long and up for the rest of the night. It ***** and I am defiantly drained.
Plus, my child ran today on the switch from school to after school - yet when the after school called for him to be picked up b/c of kicking 40 mins later, and again i got contradicting stories - the director told me he had a horrid day at school-school... Um ok, I opened his planner and he got 4/5 stars today. So, I emailed his teacher and asked if I was missing something. As of what we set up - husband, myself and his 1st grade teacher - looks like he had a good day at school but the hand off went sour..
Once again- sooooooooo need calgon to take me away LMAO....
Your son probably knows that the director in the daycare wont do anything or is more laxed. We had to have a system where our son was graded for class, then had a separate grade for daycare. Because he would do good in class, then be a bad *** in daycare and think he had a good day and shouldnt get in trouble.
You gotta get the daycare on the grading scale to. Its sad to say, but I really feel the schools are the main problem in both of our situations. I want my stepson to be in a nice environment at school, but I told my wife, if I have to send him to a school where the teachers are hard and dont take no mess, then thats what I will do.
"redirection" isnt a valid way to communicate what is acceptable or not. My son came home yesterday and got in trouble for peeing on himself because he was too busy playing so he didnt "feel" like he should stop playing to go pee. Then he started to lie to me and I of course found out he was lying about some things. When I asked him why he lied he said "because i thought you would leave me alone and send me to my room to entertain myself". Because thats what the school does, he thinks he can just lie to me and I will send him somewhere else and not bother him.............hah.............i had that boy tag along with me for the rest of the night..........he didnt like that one bit. He didnt get the message he did anything wrong, he just felt "ohh, who cares, they will just send me somewhere else".
I'd say in your case, ride it out until next year, and when you guys move, make sure you interview the teachers at the new school ( you actually can do this and have the right as a parent to do so). Try to get on the teachers during day 1 and let them know what has happened in the past and what they need to do with your child in order to control his behavior. Also take the child to that initial meeting to let him know there isnt going to be any messing around this time and that you and the teacher have an "alliance".
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