Right versus I don't Know

Question

What is a good age to tell your son about his biological father that he's never known about?
He's 6 and my husband has raised him since i was two months pregnant. He only knows one father, and his adopted father feels that it's not his right (bio father) to be in our sons life. i am torn between my husband and this man that wants to know his son. I have nothing against the biological father ...we ended the relationship because we were'nt right for each other and then i found that i was pregnant and was with the one that i ended up marrying and having two other children from. what do i do ? And when is my son old enough to understand this big pickle that i have put us in?

MrMom74 · Answer

I hope you didn't do it. My ex decided to tell our son that I wasn't his biological father at age 10 because he wanted to live with me and she was angry about it. I had been his father since he was 5 months old, and had officially adopted him at 18 months right after we were married. He had known nothing else. It's taken nearly 8 years to repair the damage. He will be 18 in a couple months. After a few years of resenting me, it turned back to resenting her, and he moved in with me a year and a half ago after tracking down his bio dad and realizing he was a drug addicted POS who had been in and out if jail for drugs and a myriad of assault charges. The original plan, no matter what happened between us, was to sit him down once he was old enough to handle it, maybe age 20, and have an adult conversation about it, but that didn't happen. He wasn't emotionally equipped for it at 10, and I feel he has been the one to really pay the price for it, although that was not his mother's intent.

kylehughes · Answer

I was told about my biological father when i was 16 but when my mum told me about him he came down and that was a shock to me and i didn't know what to say bout it but now he is back in my life i have never been so happy so the best time to tell him is now and epain everything to him please because he will start asking unless he hasn' asked yet.

Ravare · Answer

Yeah let the kid know. I am a stepfather and I also can sympathize with your husband. However we as stepfathers must not take the position of refusing the biological father from seeing his child. That is not really our decision to make. Now if the bio-father poses a risk to the child, then yes maybe it is not good to introduce them at this time.

Your son has the right to find out who his real father is, while your husband is his father, his bio-father also has a right to see his son.

However in this situation make sure your husbands role is not diminshed during the whole process. Any decisions the bio-father has or wants to do, it should go through both you and your husband.

Things may get rocky, but just keep the home life stable.

Lonelymom · Answer

My husband doesn't know his own father and is very angry at his real father for not being a part of his life. My sister also has a child by a different man and she waited until her daughter was older to tell her. My husband chewed my sister out and said the sooner he knows the better. He believes his hate his from finding out at 17 versus 7.