Sexual problem in 9 yr old

Hi I have a 9 and a half yr old step-daughter who is masturbating! It first started while she was out of state at her aunts! She got caught showing her 3yr old cousin how to do it! The worst part is she is actually inserting her fingers and having an orgasim! We thought she stopped but in the last wk she got caught doing it in the back seat of my car, while laying in bed with a relative watching a movie and NOW at SCHOOL!?!?!? Please help I've heard "humping" around age 3-4 is normal but is full blown masturbation?!?! She has ADHD and behavioral problems

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Ugh.  Not a problem any mother wants to have with their 9 year old.  She's discovered a pleasant sensation.  It happens.  Once it does, you need to make rules surrounding it.  Have a private conversation with her in which you say it is natural to do these things but that it is NOT to be done in public ever ever ever.  She may do this if she is alone in her bedroom.  She may not talk to her friends about it, show anyone how to do it or do it in front of anyone.  And if she does, there is a consequence.  With impulse control issues, you will need to stay calm and follow through. She is permitted to do it but within the rules only.

Now, is she using this to self regulate?  I ask that because she has a nervous system issue of add/adhd.  Some kids look for ways to self soothe.  If you think she is, you need to help her with some soothing techniques.  A piece of gum for example is a self toothing activity because the oral action of chewing and chomping help slow the nervous system down.  

One other thing to discuss when you have your private talk with her is that you need to make sure that nothing has happened.  did someone show her how to do it?  If so, who, when and why.  Important to know that she hasn't been sexualized through the act of another (even a child, child on child molestation is quite common and a viscious cycle.).  

good luck.