Unrealistic Expectations

[cruisefun]

My neice (Haley) is 9 and her Mom seems to have very unrealistic expectations when it comes to raising her.  My Sis believes changed plans are "broken promises" and "broken promises" are a no no???  For example, Haley and my Mom were coming to visit with me and I ended up needing emergency surgery so we changed their visit to two weeks later and my Sis made it a point to get onto my Mom for breaking a promise???  I would like to hear an experts opinion on this.  There are so many other expectations that my Sis has of all of us that I wouldn't even know where to begin.  We were raised in the same house and I don't know where she gets some of the crazy stuff she comes up with???  Is there a book that I could buy to give to my Sis as a wake up call?  Thanks so much, Rhonda

[RockRose]

This isn't an expert forum,  just other parents.

I'm a little confused at how your post begins and ends.  It begins with your sister having unrealistic expectations about her daughter,  and then the daughter is totally dropped from the subject and your sister is acting like a prima donna about attention and plans made with her.

It sounds to me like your sister is very insecure and insists that no matter what,  she is the most important.   Just a guess.   And my guess is,  by extension,  her daughter is the EXTRA most important,  for example,  the girl's birthday trumps anything as far as family plans.

[cruisefun]

I apologize for not being clearer.  My sis has very high expectations of the whole family (extended and other wise) when it comes to raising Haley.  She doesn't have overly high expectations of her daughter just of us.  I wouldn't even know where to begin, but I'm having a hard time finding something from an expert to refer to and to maybe pass on to her.  We tell her all the time she's nuts, but she doesn't believe us.  She idolizes Dr. Phil, so if he wrote a book about this it would be great.  She's a single Mom and Haley spends a lot of time with Grandma and Auntie because Mommy can't do it all.  But, Mom's ideas on how things should be are very warped and it makes it very tense for all of us.  Sometimes I think she makes things up as she goes a long to feed her moods???  I think this really comes down to her being unhappy in her current situation.  I appreciate your thoughts on the matter...Thanks, Rhonda