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how to tell my child her father isn't her father

My daugher is nearly six when i found out i was pregnant my boyfriend and i had just split up and he didn't want anything to do with the baby niether did his family it was an embarresment to them all.  When my duaghter was 3 months old i starting dating the man who is now my husband and i have 2 other children to and my daughter also calls him dad.  Her biological dad died when she was 3 and now his family has decided they want to be part of her life but how do i tell her about her dad that he isn't her biological dad and she has other family i felt she needed to know about that before anything happens with his parents.  What should i tell her,  when should i tell her.
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Avatar universal
Personally I would talk to the grandparents of the daughter. Tell them this is a confusing age for her. Ask them if they are open to being grandparents to all your children showing no favorites. If they are everyone has the chance to have a extra grandma and grandpa. When you daughter is ready or is able to understand that she had a biological father who died when she was a baby, then tell her. Tell the grandparents not to tell her about her father until YOU not THEM decide. IF they can except these terms or similar terms YOU set it's a win win situation. If this is something they can not do at this time then tell them it is not the right time, and suggest introducing them as "friends of the family" a couple times a year. I would also start explaining to your daughter in age appropriate terms that she has 2 daddies and one is in heaven and both loved her very much. If you tell or mention that the father wanted nothing to do with her then she will feel insecure. Why didn't my daddy love me... etc. Most children can not comprehend death but as they come to understand it hurt less if they are told upfront instead of later in their teen years etc.

Just my opinion dont know if it helps.
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Avatar universal

  I'm in the same sittuation. My daughter is 7 1/2 and my husband is not her biological father. My ex currently gave up all his rights. The best advice that I can give you is what others have given me and has worked.

1. If your child does not know the family then don't push her to.
2. You will know in your heart when it was time to tell her.
3. If she starts asking questions about why her last name is different
   then slowly start telling her.

you don't want to tell her all at once, it's too much for a little child to take in all at once.
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