normal 6 yr old behaviour?

Our daughter will turn 6 in three weeks, so I figured this was the more relevant forum. She is bright and her reading and cognitive abilities are above average. She is well behaved at kindergarten and loves going. She is well behaved when she is in a friend's house or with other adults. However, at home she can have the most uncontrollable temper tantrums. She will backchat her mother, scream and refuse to listen. She will often react to her mother's attempts to calm her down by running away, refusing to listen or even by telling her that she hates her. This doesn't happen every day, but more often than not and sometimes we have days when we seem to do nothing but fight with her to do anything. Getting dressed in the morning is currently a nightmare. It is normally triggered if she cannot do something she wants, or we put something off or we reprimand her for another matter, such as pushing her 20 mth old sister (who she normally dotes on and plays with her well). We both try to be as calm as possible and try to deal with her outbursts by reasoning or if necessary, a time out in her room. This works temporarily but even when she says sorry and promises to be good, we know that she will do it again, sometimes within minutes of the previous outburst. I work but my wife is at home full time and recently has been getting quite distressed at her apparent lack of ability to control our daughter during these periods. It seems sometimes, we are treading on eggshells around her to avoid confrontation. Is this normal behaviour? We are worried that this is a sign of something more serious.

[rebbecca]

has anything change in the past couple of weeks?

[Steveclaire]

If anything, the tantrums have become less frequent but when they happen they are pretty spectacular! We seem to be more careful about what we say and do in case it triggers one off, but overall I would say that there is an improvement

[rebbecca]

well thats good news, did the tanturms start after ur baby was born? my son is 8 and he has alot of behavioral problems too, but it also happens outside of the home too. my son in adhd,odd,and a touch of aspergers and the list goes on. so i do understand with the out burst that can make u want to pull ur hair out!!!!!!

[Steveclaire]

They have really started since the baby can walk and we both think that there is the jealousy thing here. We have had four days now without any tantrums. A few sulks and the odd bit of backchat. It doesn't take much for things to deteriorate though so we are on our guard. The worst thing is by far the getting dressed and the whole morning routine. If we can crack that, we definitely would be winning.

[BUM007]

Sounds familiar. I am constantly being told that my son is a perfect gentlemen and that he is 6 going on 35 in his conversation and manners. However, both I and my wife could swear this is a different child. We get back talk, everything is a question, etc...pretty much as you described. Seems like normal behavior. Hang in there. Remain calm. We were told don't engage in point for point arguements.

[Kay0201]

Hi there There probably is a jealousy thing going on with your daughter and her sibling. I have the same problem with my daughter she will be 6 the 21st of this month, she is an only child. She will tell me when I punish her for acting out that she hates me or hates this family and that she wants to run away or move out.  I am a stay at home mom as well as your wife. I have tried everything putting her in time out, popping her on her bottom, and taking her favorites toys away from her, even grounding her from playing with her friend. She is not like this all the time but enough to make me wonder if I am a bad mother and wander what I am doing wrong. She has an attitude like a 15 year old and I hate to see how she will be when she is 15, if I don't get control of this now. Well I wish you and your wife the best of luck

[Steveclaire]

Thanks for your comments guys, it is reassuring to know that other people experience the same problem even if you don't wish it on them! We are hanging tough and staying calm.