poopypants7

my 7 year old step son would poop his pants after returning from his mothers house.  He only visits his mother in the summer and every other holiday.  Upon returning from his mothers house he would poop his pants everyday and lie about it, he also will not clean himself up unless we tell him to. We take him to therapy, we use a poo calender, and we reward him when he uses the toilet, but he will not poop on his own. While at his mothers this year he had completed his poo calender and had no problems, so when he got home we started a new poo calender and things were going great for about 3 weeks. I forgot to tell him to use the toilet one afternoon and he pooped his pants that night and come to find out he ate dinner and went to bed with poopy pants. The next morning is when we found out what happened, so we grounded him until he starts using the toilet properly. We did not tell him to use the bathroom the next day to see what would happen and he pooped his pants again. We feel like we have tried everything but it seems like he just will not use the toilet or clean himself up unless we tell him to. Do you have any suggestions?

[zebraface777]

He may ahve some kinda of bowl problem. maybe you should take him to the doctor.

[CaliGirl48]

I have an opinion, simply that. Maybe he is acting this way because he knows it bothers you, and he wants to be with his mom. Just a thought.

I went through the same thing with my step daughter, it was hell, but she had alot of other issues too. They all stemmed around the fact that she just couldn't handle having a new mom, and she wanted her dad to herself. Shes in therapy now and lives with her grandmother. She is 7 also.

On the flip side, I have a son who is also 7. He wont poop in his pants but I often have to remind him to wipe. Hes always in a hurry to get back to whatever it was he was doing and just doesn't wipe. I think alot of it may just be the age, and being a boy. But he should be using the toilet at least.

As much of a pain as it will be you may have to just keep reminding him everyday until he does it one his own. I would think he wouldnt want to do it at school?? That age I know there are alot of mean kids who like to make fun. I would think the teasing would detour him.

This could be a long process, stick with it though, and good luck

~Crystal

[crzychick]

I have never heard of a poo calender.  

A 7yr old should be able to know when he needs to go to the bathroom.  Esp if he does ok at Mom's.  I don't think it's anything that needs therapy either, just good old fashioned punishment.

First off get rid of the calender, it's become a control issue.  A constant reminder that there is a battle going on.

Soil your pants then no TV tonight.  Next time go to bed X amount of time early.  Next time no to whatever is important to him.  A complete grounding to a room full of toys and electronics is no punishment.

Even if he does wish to be with Mom, for some reason the courts decided that your home was the better place for him.

He is old enough to talk to.  Tell him that you know he likes his summers at Mom's but at your house you have rules.  One of those rules is that unless you are a baby crawling on the floor in a diaper you are expected to use the toilet.

If he messes his pants, take him to the laundry room and let HIM scrub the mess out of them, if he makes a mess of the bathroom make him clean it also.  EVERYTIME.  If his bottom is sore, get babywipes.  Heck I use them,  I just feel so much cleaner than just reg. toilet paper. (remember not to flush them, dispose in trash can).  Hate to ask, is he overweight and it's hard to reach around to wipe?

Just show him that you'll not baby him anymore, gig is up, game over.  Use the bathroom like a normal 7 yr old or lose privileges, plus clean up any messes he makes, won't be worth the fight anymore.

[chunckj]

We are having the same problem with our 7yr old.  He has been diganosed with encopresis, but dosen't seem to care if he goes in his pants.  If you have any luck I would love to know what it is.  Trust me I know how hard it is not to get mad.  Would any one hapen to know of a "suport group" for this kind of thing?

[yourkiddingme]

Some of you want to say it's a medical thing others say it's a decision they make to be stuborn. I really don't know. My daughter is 6 and she is doing it every Wednesday before going to her grand parents house. They will pick both of my kids up from school, feed them dinner and then take them to church. For the last who the heck knows how long - she has decided to poop herself on Wednesdays. She gets brought home and her brother goes to church. She tells us she likes to go, wants to go - all that kinda thing. But then, the next week comes along and it's the same thing all over again.

Medical? no - she can feel it when she has to go. Upset stomach, pressure - she knows what it is. Is it big? yes - it is. But any other day of the week she makes it to the toilet - here, grandmas or at school.

So, what is she trying to avoid? She's trying to avoid church. We are starting to think that maybe it is psychological damage from when my nephew molested my son and she was forced to watch. We're thinking there is someone at that church who may look like the offendor or share the same name. I don't beleive anything is going on at the church - not yet anyways - but I do beleive there is a trauma trigger that she just doens't know how to deal with. And she has found her way out - by pooping herself.

For the next couple of weeks we are going to keep her home and see what happens. If we tell her prior to that she will not be going to church maybe she'll keep a clean butt - maybe she won't.

On the third week we are going to have her ride the bus home and let her think she is not going to church - but then we are going to surprise her by having my parents pick her up just before church. If she suddenly messes herself - we'll know that there is some kind of problem at the church. Either a real ocurring problem or a memory trigger that reminds her of what happened to her brother.

For the record, both kids did go to child psychologists after the molestation. We all did. My kids walked out of the place asking me why the psychologists lied about this that and the other thing. I tried explaining that they weren't lying - just sugar coating everything. My kids don't understand why - they felt and still feel like the shrinks lied to them. So now what? Do I take them back to anohter shrink? So my kids can feel lied to again? No. The fact of the matter is - the shrinks did lie to my kids - they lied to us. And then I made the mistake of trying to lie to my kids to cover up the lies the shrinks said. The courts also failed severely in this matter - but that is a whole different story.

SO - if you are a shrink, keep your opinion to yourself and don't reply to this as I'll skip right over it and reccomend all others do the same. Shrinks aren't worth the paper they wipe their butts with - You can quote me on that.

What I really did like, somewhere in these postings was the one that refered to 'good ole fashoned punishment'. Back in the day, when a child misbehaved - they were punished. These days we are breeding children who can get away with pretty much anything because there is no consiquence for actions. It doesn't matter what they do - there is no consiquence. That is the attitude and that is what we are all fighting. I'm sure a few are medical issues with the bowel - but I'm sure its a lot fewer than what we think. I personally think most is behavior issues based on the idea the kid can do what they want and there isn't anything you can do to stop them. They are getting control early in life and we are letting them. Think it's bad now? Get control before they turn into teenagers.

If I pissed some of you off - I'm sorry you kept reading - your fault not mine. If I opened a couple of eyes - great hope it helped. Again, it's a control thing with most - they want you to bend to their will and this is their quick and easy way to do it.

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

Have a day.