shoplifting, stealing

My 10 year old daughter was caught shoplifting from a grocery.  She has the money, she paid the other items yet she intentionaly hid 2 pcs. of chocolate bars inside her pocket.  A week before that she, and her playmate,  also stole the wallet of our neighbor!  At first, she denied the charges, but eventually she admitted it.  My daughter is a smart kid, she perfoms well in school.  She is a middle child. She knew what is right from wrong. Yet, I observed that she has this tendency to lie and to act on impulses.  I always tell my children not to lie, not to get things from others, not to hurt other people, well, the do's and don'ts.  I just can't understand why, with all the efforts i made, still she resorted to this negative behavior... Can she outgrow this anti-social behavior?  As a mother, I'm worried for my kid.  I wanted her to be a disciplined and good person...

[MrsT0714]

Hi Pet.  What did you do when you discovered the chocolate bars and wallet?  My son stole a 25 cent pencil eraser from a craft store last year.  When I found out, I called the manager and arranged a meeting...then I marched his butt back there, made him return it, apologize and listen as the manager informed him that this time she wouldn't call the cops, but if it happens again......  My point is that he didn't steal from a store again.  He has, however, stolen from me....I've made him do lawn work, and pick up dog poo to work off the $2-$3 he took out of my wallet....  I think all kids steal, I don't think that she is destined to be a thief for the rest of her life, she's just testing the waters...It sounds harsh, but call her out, and perhaps try to embarass her a bit....like you said, she knows better....and it worked for me...

[jdtm]

I think all kids steal - the quote from the above posting.  My opinion - No, all kids do not steal.

[MrsT0714]

Maybe you're right...but the vast majority of children I have known, at some point or another, swipe something.....or test the waters, so to speak....All children at one point or another will test their parent's will, whether it be stealing, back talking, or misbehaving at school......I'm sorry to generalize, but when 90 - 95% of children have been busted stealing something, it's easy...perhaps you have exceptionally well behaved children....or perhaps they haven't been caught yet...????

[jdtm]

but when 90 - 95% of children have been busted stealing something, - your statement - as I said, No, not all kids steal.  Stealing cannot be justified by "everyone is doing it".  Sorry

[MrsT0714]

I'm not justifying stealing....I'm simply stating it's a phase that "MOST" kids go thru....happy????

[pet464]

Hello. It was such a relief to know that I am not alone experiencing this kind of problem ...The manager of that store warned her not to do it again and I was obliged to pay the amount of the item times two!  My God! The experience was so humiliating.  It was as if I didn't teach my kid the right manners! May daughter cried and promised not to do it again. I believed her, and sort of blamed her because we paid more (as a result of her stealing the item).  I tried to make her understand the possible negative consequence as a result of her bad behaviour... Maybe, you're right, she's just "testing waters", because, the next time we came to a department store, she asked me "Mom, where is the cctv camera located in this dept store?"  I froze. I gave her a "don't do it again look", She smiled...