six year old behavior

[momneeds_help]

My six year old daughter is such a handful. I am crying because I feel like I stink at being a mother. I metioned to her pediatrician I needed some guidance and left with nothing but a Kleenex. My daughter's teacher says is very smart one of her top students in class, but her behavior is something I am having problems with. If she doesn't get what she wants she screams at me and hits her sister out of her anger with me, tells me she hates me, and today states she wishes I was dead. I love my daughter and I just don't see why she is so angry at me. (ex. she keeps pulling the mattress off the bed and tearing up her room.) punishment is she can't play with her friends when she gets home from school. I have put her in time out. showed her extra love and attention and  even spanked her. She is very hard headed and says everyone is stupid and she doesn't know why she is like this except god made her that way. Her teachers at school say she has a hard time focusing in large groups and she gets in trouble. She got in trouble one day at school for not listening to the teacher. (ex. she wanted some water and the teacher said in just a few minutes they were doing something at that moment in class and my daughter takes off and goes and gets the water anyway.) Teacher called me that night to find out what to do with her. I honestly don't know what to tell her. I don't know either and don't know who to turn to. You see on tv and magazines about being able to talk with your childs doctor about things, but I feel her doctor is not out to give advise unless there is a dollar she can put on my childs account. I don't know who to turn to. I mentioned my problem to her doctor about my child ruling the roost, but she handed me a kleenex and that was all she wrote. I just don't know what to do. I thought about seeing a child psychologist but afraid to mess her up even more or to hear I am a bad mom. I feel hurt and hopeless.

[flee1963]

My 6 year old sounds just like yours.....tonight she told me that she wished she didn't have parents ! The thing that triggered her was us telling her to put on her coat,,,,it was raining outside !

[Tayzoe]

Just remember all the hurtful things she says she really doesn't know they hurt you, at 6 my daughter was very similar she is now 8 she did not understand empathy therefore she could not understand how awful she made me feel, so many days I wanted to walk out the door and not come home parenting did not feel very rewarding to me for a while. Everynight though I started setting the timer for one Hour I spent that hour with her completely uninterrupted my husband would walk the baby while we played whatever it was she wanted to play. Soon her behaviour changed for the better, we still have our days but mostly she is now a wonderful, sensitive, kind girl, Just remember Negative attention is still attention. My daughter is huge into her Nintendo DS and our computer but bad behaviour means she looses these privledges as well works well for us Best of luck to ya.

[margypops]

Why would a 6year old be having a nap time? maybe I misconstrued, what you posted.It seems there is too much emphasis on punishment, how about you focus on her postive side and praise her when she does something right.

[momneeds_help]

My daughter is getting in trouble at school more frequently now. All she tells me is that she doesn't know why. We tried filling a jar with marbles for everyday thing she does good to fill the jar by the end of the week and then she can choose something fun to do for the weekend. whether it is to go to the library, park, movies etc. That didn't work. So I thought maybe she needs something more rewarding she can actually see more often than just a marble in a jar. I suggested we let her pick what ever sticker she wants to put on the calendar every day for being good at school and at home to get a reward on the weekend. She hasn't had the first sticker for me to put on there she keeps getting in trouble at school. I have grounded her for each day she miss behaves at home from playing with her friends in the neighborhood and that seems to change her attitude at home, but she still hits me when she gets mad and I punish her when she does that. But, her school behavior is getting worse. I read on the internet about ODD, but her teacher doesn't seem to think that could be it, because she had a student before that would throw chairs when he got mad. I wonder if there are different levels because what I read about it fits her to a "T" at home. I do reinforce how beautiful she is and smart and love on her all the time thinking the same thing that she is feeling unloved and that maybe she thinks I am not giving her enough attention. She doesn''t care much for hugs or being held. My husband one night just picked her up during one of her outrages and just held her fighting and all till she calmed down and she changed into a different child the next day. Instead of waking up every morning crying and saying she is bored with everything and hates everybody. She actually woke up and was playing with her sister and laughing. Which is not so frequent lately. I noticed she enjoys playing on her leapster all day and the computer on kid sites other than playing with her friends that is all she likes to do. Doesn't like to use her imagination at all. Her sister is Great at make believe. I just don't know what else we can do with her. She told us her teacher put her in a different class at nap time because she was acting up. I feel like her teacher should have called me to let me know of her behavior after something like that.

[margypops]

How old is her sister I am thinking she is younger and could there be jealousy issues, if the younger one gets more attention your 6 year old will be upset, and hence she is better with her Dad , he isnt around as much as you and perhaps gives her , equal attention. She is feeling left out and is mad at you for this, there seems to be some child/parent interaction problem that can be fixed .Nothing to do with being a bad Mom, you simply dont see the full picture.She needs some quality time with you one to one time when Dad has the other child and he could do the same ,give her one to one, time , focus on her positive side and praise her when she does something right.She has simply been usurped , so more fun for her and you, cooking,with her show her how to knit or crochet.Get Dad outside playing games, make her feel special because she is...

[daughterworried]

Hey first of all your NOT at all a bad mom. You think that and she will walk all over you.I have a 6yr old girl and she is smart and hyper..I thought the same way you do but I learned to be strict and being consistent in punishments  I tell her every day I love her and its tough but it has to be done..I noticed a change in my daughter after awhile and it works just be patient take a deep breath your the boss you are her roll model be firm and dont forget to reward her when she does behave tell her how happy you are and explain why you are happy...Try it out you might be impressed with the out come...I really dont think she needs help from any form of doctor..She sounds so much like my kid befor with hatred words and probably thoughts..Your not alone just remember that...Move over terrible 2's we have 6 yr old problems my kid was better behaved at 2 then 6....

[lea48]

my daughter was like that 20 yrs ago i just battled thru the bad times and relished the good times now she is the most wonderful 27yr old and doesnt recall her bad behaivior i know it is easier said than done BUT HANG in there there is light at the end of the tunnell.I have enquired of my child /now an adult/ what she felt back then and she cant recall /which is  good for her / but i know the heartache u r going thru know........so hope u weather the storm and have the same results as i did

[Ravare]

I would maybe suggest having your husband speaking to them alone about how they treat you and maybe he should let them know that he doesnt approve of it. If they dont give him the same issues there may be a difference in interaction.


Not saying there is anything wrong with you or him. My 6 year old stepson acts fine with me, yet acts out and stresses his mother out all the time. One difference I see between me and my wife is that I never tell my stepson that he is hurting my feelings or making me mad. Maybe your daughter feels she can get to you more emotionally and is testing you and maybe dad doesnt show them that she can test him as much?

Just a suggestion.

[momneeds_help]

The father is around and does work 2 jobs but is home by 5:30, 6:30 at the latest and does spend time with the kids helps put them to bed, brush there teeth, reads to them, and they love him. He really isn't a problem. They don't do him the same as me. I think it is me. I feel I must not be doing something right. Tonight she came home and said she doesn't wish I was dead. I told her it really hurt my feelings and not to say it anymore. She acts more like a teenager than a six year old child.

[Ravare]

Is the father around?

If no, that also may be a contributing factor

If yes, what is his role in the whole situation?

[Lonelymom]

I would try the psychologist. You are not a bad mom your child is angry and is not expressing why to you. It could be something simple and a psychologist can help figure it out. .