sleeping with grandma

[drtessdc]

My fiance is away in the military for 6 months. Her 11 year old son slept in my room with me for a couple of weeks after she left. I then insisted that it was time for him to sleep in his own room which is 15 feet from my door. Since I told him he could not sleep in my room with me any longer he went and asked his grandmother (66) that lives downstairs if he could sleep with her, she said yes. He has been sleeping in her bed for the past three weeks, I talked to grandma and told her I did not think this 11 year old male child should be sleeping with his grandmother. Her reply is she feels sorry for him and he can sleep there as long as he wants, Mom will be gone a total of 6 months. I wrote my fiance and she says it is okay with her for him to sleep with her mom. I disagree. He sleeps there because he is afraid to sleep alone and he needs to get over this fear. I also think this is an emotionally bad thing. If I am right what can I tell mom and grandma to discourage their acceptance of this issue.

[margypops]

Sorry you lose..I agree it is perfeclty okay for him to sleep with her Mom his Gran ma, ...let it go , you are feeling somewhat jealous , how about you get involved with him , outside activities, sports and games , have fun you will win him over ..Guy stuff  ... its cool ...granmas are good in your life and his ..trust me .

[Ashelen]

I'm sorry but I agree with you that it is not appropriate. Same problem another poster had...11 years old. Starting to develop their image, and beginning to enter into puberty. If nothing else, this situation will open him up to being made fun of. If he is truly frightened, tell him that he must sleep in his room, but if he becomes too frightened he can come get you. You can go with him back to his room and stay with him until he falls asleep again. I know that everyone wants to trust family members, but I was molested for years by a cousin who was trusted to babysit me, and my Mother-in-Law was molested from age 10 to age 15 by her grandfather, with her grandmother AND her mother's knowledge!!! Unfortunately because he is not "your" child yet, you have little real control over the situation, so I would work with the child on your own to get him to establish his own comfortable independence. I understand that mom and grandma don't want him scared, but this issue goes beyond that to social development and independence....a little co-sleeping for a frightened child is fine, but not continuously. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big advocate for co-sleeping, but only to a certain point and age. if nothing else, put a sleeping bag on the floor in his room and sleep in there with him for a few days until he gets used to his own bed again....then start moving back to your room. Good luck....

[akkd]

I have 2 kids sleeping in my bed right now and one is an 11 year old boy. He feels more comfortable there and feels safe. he wont be there forever and you have to look at it like this sooner or later they wont even want to be in the same room with us so embrace it now. good luck