step son acting out

I have been the mother figure in my step son life since he was 4.  Its been more than 4 years since he has seen his mither. she call him or actually he call her once in a blue moon.  He doesn't like talking about it but i was let him know that she loves.  He is now 11 and he has been very distant almost like he doesn't care.  his grade this yr have drop drastically he use to be an A, B student now he is a D &F.  He is barely pasing the th grade.  I have tried punishing, taking things away not talking, talking nothing help.  His dad seems to think I'm driving him crazy first time since I have been in his life.  So i have back off dratically.  I stop questioning him, stop going or taking any calls from his teachers and so forth.  His teacher call my husband at leat 2 a week and when he come home he doesn't say anything to him and he still allowed to watch tv and play with my little sister who iam also raising.  She came to the USA 3 yrs ago. a month ago my step son told her she have messed everything up and it was better before she came.  She is a great smart girl straight A student i wonder if its jealous of her since she is always being praise. By the way he lies about almost every thing what do i do.

[KLT83]

Being a step parent is hard. I have two step kids that I have raised for the past 8 tears with no help from their mom. First of all, you and your husband need to be on the same page. you need to have a talk with your husband, and make sure he understands the importance of  disapline, education is important. My step son is also 11, and he is in the 6th grade this year, where I live they moved 6th grade to the middle school. We have noticed alot of the same problems with my son this year, as you are having. It is a stage they are going through, and im sure the first year being in middle school dont help.  Look at the friends he his hanging around this year. continue to take his things and privlages away, and dont give them back until things improve. You, and your husband need to sit down with him and explain that this behavior will not be tolerated any more. No Tv, no going out side, no phone calls, no visiting with friend, nothing, until his behavior improves, after you do this and if it doesnt help try grounding him to his room for a week. but I will say agin that it is very important that you and your husband need to be on the same page. explain to him that you are just concerend about your son, and yes, this is just a stage, but he will not grow out of it or learn from it, if you guys are not disaplining him for it, disapline is how children learn, you dont want him to form bad habbits at such a young age, esspesially when it comes to his education. He is probably just jelouse over your sister. explain to him that she get praise because she is bringing home good grades, and make sure that when he does goo, you praise him too. hope this helps!

[Didibonita]

Thank you for taking the time o answer me.  I will take your advice and have a serious talk with my husband.

[margypops]

Would also be a good thing to walk in his shoes and see how he feels, it must have hurt to lose his bio mom, and it does sound in your post that your little sister is receiving more positive attention and praise, possibly he is acting out because he feels left out ,Focus on his positive side and praise him when you see him doing something good.I believe that you have to find out why he is behaing like this before you meet out punishments, that will only make the issue more difficult.If you find it difficult leave it up to his Dad to help with some better child /parent interaction..