This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting children (age 6-12), including physical development, handling school & classes, emotional development, cognitive development, and games and activities.
Im a mother of six with one more on the way ages 9,8, twins4,3 and 1. My oldest boys 9, and 8 are constantly wresling. We have them in football and baseball to try to show them other options but it never stops. We take a way video games and ground them all the time but theyll just say "im used to it". and go at it any advice on how to get some peace there destroying the house!
You need to make a place where they can safely wrestle, like a mattress in the garage. If they like it, heck, it's exercise and gets their aggression out too. My nephews wrestled from age 7 through 18, and they loved it.
What is it with boys and this physical play? Man, it is tiring for moms. I only have two boys age 8 and 7 and I find some days difficult because of this. Yes, you can have a safe wrestling area but you must have this rule---- if you hurt one another or you get hurt, no coming to me crying. I am often heard saying "well, you play rough and you are asking to get hurt . . . so deal with it."
You have some wide age ranges which does mean you'll simply have to have rules regarding the older kids with the younger ones. As in, the older ones know better and should draw the line because while my motto of 'you play hard, you are asking to get hurt" stands with my boys of similar age--- it is not fair to pit a 9 year old on a 4 year old. so, the older ones do need to understand that they WILL be in trouble for hurting the much younger ones.
I'd also get them a kick boxing bag and punching bag.
good luck. (oh, and I do believe that if you have a problem with it, you should be able to stop it. I recommend the book love and logic by Charles and Jim Fey, father and son psychologists. Basically, it goes through natural consequences. They clearly don't care if you take away their video games, but what DO they care about? "I'm so sorry, but now I can't drive you to baseball. Rats. " "I'm so sorry, now your friend can't come over for that play date. Darn it," "Oh no, well, now I have to take two dollars out of your piggy bank for my aggrevation." "Shoot. Well, tomorrow you will have to wash windows with me since I had to spend my time today trying to get you to not pummel your brother."
I dont like this wrestling, A family member had 2 boys who did this the oldest was the instigator and the youngest didnt like it at all, I would see the oldest child hold down the other boy constantly when he didnt want to be held down .It was in my opinion a form of abuse .
I really dont want them to keep wrestling at all my older son is way bigger then his brother even though there only a year apart. They play at first then its a fight. Chasing each other around to punch each other to see who gets to hit last. My older brothers did this til they left home. When I take things away from them as a punishment it leaves a door open for them to want to wrestle even more.
Then you aren't taking the right things away. Things like going to football practice, having a friend over or going to a friends, etc. might be more painful for them as a consequence. And don't forget about taking money or making them do jobs for you as a consequence.
With that many kiddos, it might be helpful to think of more productive things to keep them occupied.
I'd also consider a reward system. For not doing it, you reward them with some change/money for the piggy bank. and praise the heck out of any that are not wrestling.
I personally think physical play is good for kids and have noticed they all do it to some extent. They crave deep pressure and impact as part of the nervous system. Get those punching bags, kick boxing bags and bop bags for the younger kids to give them the same feeling.
good luck. You sound defeated at this point. Do you have any help with all these kiddos??
Searra, I was intrigued that your brothers did this, and now your sons do.
I have a son who wrestled in middle school and now he's a grappler, and we don't do that in my home. I'm curious why your brothers AND your sons do this - and I'm a huge believer in genetic personality. Maybe there's a genetic component to loving wrestling and constant physical sparring.
I imagine they don't do this in school, so it can be controlled with the right rules. Then, you probably would want to replace this excess energy with something else - dirt bikes, a trampoline, etc.
No I really dont have help. my family visit maybe once a year moms not around not a good role model for my children and dads never been around. My brothet is a police officer so he still gets alot of action and other bro stuggles with additions. Hubbie works alot til dark so im pretty much trying to manage things alone. yall really make alot of good points im going to start giving allowances cuz they always want things at there games. And ill take out of it as well when they want to smac each other around. Ive thought about getting them a trampoline before but flash backs of my brothers killing each other on our old one and throwing me on it to double team me still flickers in my head. They used to go really extreme by inviting the neighborhood kids over for wrestling turnaments even with boards and glass trying to impress people wasnt really impressive when glass was stuck in my oldest brothers leg as he called my grandma to take him to the e.r.
And yall are right the kids do stop at school and are both honor students so they should no how to act. I really appriciate yalls advice I might look into maybe some more aggressive sports and use it against them when they act up. Football to me is already really aggresive (aggressive) and scary for me but they live for it and of course my son is captain of the defensive. Lol but looking into something like boxing or after school wrestling might help as well.
You'd have to have a rule about ONE in the trapoline at a time and if they get 3 strikes they aren't allowed in it for a week.
Yes, look into wrestling especially and maybe even karate. Karate teaches discipline over self and respect for others. Might be good for them.
I'd actually reward when they listen and do as you say---- if you have a 9 year old (I have an 8.5 and 7 year old)--- I give a quarter or 50 cents when I'm trying to convey pleasure in their listening and guiding them.
wishing you lots of luck! You've got your hands full for sure dear.
Do not be alarmed by that. It is perfectly normal for boys to be physical. We do that just for fun, ego or to show we are strong. Women do not understand that at all but if you ask a man, he will probably agree with me. Remember though that there is a difference between fun and bullying so just keep an eye out for that,
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