2 & 4 yr old totally out of control & defiant

[GrannyGreen]

My son just recently had his 2 yr old daughter placed in his care. Prior to her coming to leave with him, my son was raising his 4 yr old son as a single father. The son had a few issues but now both children are defiant and use language that I'm ashamed of and won't say myself. They laugh when you disappline them as well as scream, kick and use bad language. We are at a total lost as to what to do. The 4 yr old was abused by his mother & we are not sure as to what extent his sister was abused. They both see their mom for 1 hour a week under court supervision. My grandson was a sweet child but I have to say I don't know who this child is anymore. As for my grand daughter she just wants to defy any & all things that I try to do. They both go to daycare currently & the 4 yr old goes to Preschool 4 days a week for 3 1/2 hours. The daycare has said that the behavior can't continue or the children will not be allowed to return. We're at a loss and feel like complete failures, him as a parent & me as a grand parent.

[Danieltroy]

With time,love and understanding your grandchildren will change before your eyes. Check out the disipline forums. My own son was this way from me letting him get away with it. It really was due to my ex leaving me and the only family left in my life was my child so I tended to spoil him. But now I'm remarried and I realized it slowly what drawbacks it had. And took it a little to far with spanking him. But I'm learning the hard way.

[AnxiousGurl]

As much as they misbehave, do not give them any negative attention. If their screaming over something they want that you wont give, you give them a choice. Get down to their level make eye contact, let them know that-that behavior is not okay, that they could hurt someone. If they kick another child for example, have that other child express to him/her "That hurt, please dont do that." MOST IMPORTANTLY you have to be consistant with it, and you have to be very very patient and FIRM (but not screaming at them) just Firm.

I wish you the very best, it will take time but these techniques can work.