I am a rejected dad when mums around please help

[bennym]

Hi, I have problems with my two year old boy. He is fine with me when it is just me and him but as soon as mum is around or anyone else he wont let me pick him up, or come sit with me or near me. He also refuses to the point of screaming and kicking when i try to give him a hug or kiss goodnight. If i go anywhere near him to pick him up or give him a hug or kiss he freaks and screams for his mummy, who then comes rushing in and picks him up with no problems.

I work from home and look after him 2 days a week and he is fine during this time he sits on my lap or lets me cuddle him.

Any help or ideas would be great

Cheers

B

[margypops]

Ask Mom not to rush in and pick him up as it is reinforcing the behavior .I know that is hard when you hear your child yell, it can come from her ,making your son more comfortable with you, he is kind of playing a game and playing up to Mom for more attention while you are both there its very common so dont worry. Maybe Mom could encourage you all to do things together so he sees you all and not seperatly,As he is okay with you alone you can see he loves you as much. Try some extra Games with him give him more attention, as he is getting older some ball games and fun outside.

[91004]

He will also grow out of it, I am a mother of a 2 year old boy that will cry for his daddy all the time if he sees him he will not have anything to do with me at all. Makes me feel horrible kinda the  same situation you are in. I think its just a stage, they all go thru the mommy or daddy stage.

[DaddyinTraining]

I am currently at the end of my rope with the same problem as bennym.

I have been a stay at home dad with my now 3 year old daughter since she was born. I have been there for every moment. When her mother is not around and even some times when she is, my daughter is just the most kind and loving little girl to both of us equally you'd ever want to be around.

But the moment mommy walks through the door at the end of the day, or when waking in the morning or from her nap and especially on the weekends she is so mean to me. I cannot hug her, talk to her, ask her if she is hungry and some times I can't even look at her and smile without her grimacing and saying, "Don't look at me!"

This has been going on for well over a year with no improvement or change. My wife does nothing and says nothing except when she sees the hurt in my eyes. Then she simply says in a gentle, soft voice, "Be nice to your Daddy please".

I know not to take it personally but it's hard not to. It's seriously wearing on me to the point now where I hesitate interacting with her. And I know that is not the right thing to do and I don't want it to get to a point where I am hurt and do avoid her during those times.

I guess I will continue to endure hoping it is just a stage. Well thanks for taking the time to read and any words of encouragement are GREATLY appreciated.

[Shytreasure]

Children's emotional development is not equivalent to adults. They don't always understand that it is possible to have two loves at the same time. She may not be able to handle competing emotions in her little heart at the same time. Good news is 'this too shall pass'.

Even with a three year old, you do have a right to set a boundary regarding courteous responses. When she says something rude, gently suggest a nicer way of requesting the same thing, 'Daddy, please don't look at me right now.' It is important that she sees you standing up for yourself.

Additionally, your wife needs to show you some special attention when she walks in. She needs to set the example that it is possible to be loving to two people at the same time. And mommy needs to also reinforce that she is not happy when someone is rude to daddy because it hurts her feelings too.  Your daughter should not endure constant recrimination but enough gentle reminding and overly demonstrated examples of courtesy should have a desired effect over the course of several weeks.

[specialmom]

Hi,  my younger son used to do this and I  hated it.  My husband loves his kids so much and works so hard for them----  he'd rush into the room to see them and be met with this little guy who wasn't kind or loving at all.  (and this guy loves his dad to pieces.)  

What I did as the preferred parent in this case is that I would say ----  we aren't mean to daddy.  Please give daddy a hug.  Or, look---   you hurt daddy's feelings.  

I realized pretty quickly that my child didn't mean to do it.  Some kids though can mean to do it but not to be unkind but to get a reaction.  It is powerful.  

I would tell my husband to not take it too seriously----  but I understood it hurt his feelings just the same.  So I tried to nip it in the bud by not going along with it or tolerating it.  I'm happy to say he is 4 and it doesn't happen anymore.

He may occasionally say if Daddy wants to take him somewhere and I'm not going----  "i'm staying with mama" and as Daddy leaves, I say----  you're going to miss out.  Daddy is a lot of fun.  and then he scrambles out the door after him.

They are a work in progress, these kids.  Aren't we all?