Need help with stepfather/stepson relationship

[scs542]

I've been a stepfather to both a stepson and stepdaughter for 2 years.   My stepson is now 15.   I have known my stepson for 7 years and over that time our relationship has been tough but over the past year has gotten much worse.  In general I have no problems with my stepdaughter.   I use to have activities that I could do with my stepson but now we have nothing we enjoy doing together.   I find myself very irritated by many different small things that he does.  Small things like not doing his dishes(constantly reminding him), him fighting with his mom about doing homework, and always wanting to eat special made or bought meals just for him is just driving me crazy.  

I've had several discussions with my wife about my feelings over the years but attempts to fix the issues have failed.   She is at the point where she is happy with the way he is and views me as always finding problems with him that need fixing.  This has increased my irritation to the point where it's impacting my feelings for her and I find myself not wanting to go home (needing to stay away from the entire situation).

I also had a very bad relationship with my father where I always felt I could never do enough to make him happy.   Both my wife and I wonder if that is what is leading me to have so many issues with my stepson and none with my stepdaughter?  

Any help on where to begin to try to accept these things more and not allow them to anger me would be appreciated.

[91004]

I think alot of it probally has to do with your issues with your father. Step back and look do you act toward your stepson the way you were treated. He is 15, the last thing on his mind is doing his dishes and homework. I remember this age very well I had to be told a hundred times to do dishes. How bout trying this tell him you will not go out with your friends if your dishes arent done by the end of the week(it doesnt hurt anyone for them to sit in the sink, just make sure he rinses the food off) Tell him onced to wash his dishes wait a day then say if you want to go out this weekend those dishes need to be done or you can stay at home. Same with homework(of course it has to be done daily so make sure your work is done each day or once again you wont go out this weekend. He is 15 dont mean this in a bad way but at this age parents arent cool to hang out with, he is getting older his friends are more important to him right now. Does he like the race, football, save money and take him and 1 of his friends to a football or race make a day or weekend trip out of it. Also camping for the weekend.

[ani514]

Don't be too hard on yourself....I'm new as a step parent I have a soon to be step son who is 12 he is spoil and behaves very bad. I'm not sure what to do.....yet i raise two great kids.....son is a paramedic and daughter is in law school.......just wanted to say that it might not be easy......I do hope you find the way and let me know...hugs Ani

[Tcampbell977]

It takes doing activities me and my step dad didn't have a very good relationship but we just talked about all the issues and what we can do to fix them my thing was that he just wasn't my real dad and he wasn't acting like a real dad because we didn't really do anything together so we started playing hockey and going to hockey games and such and our relationship is very good. Just find out his interests if hes into football take him to a game or play catch or something and your relationship should build stronger from there. May sound lame but thats kinda how it worked out for me.