Parenting: For Fathers Community
need some advise
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need some advise

I have been married going on 10 yrs. i have 4 children and a wonderful wife who loves me. 3 of my children were from her prevous marrage and he is a crack head that is in prison and has never really had much to do with the kids. i came in the picture when the oldest was 4 yrs old. from the begining i've had this feeling like my wife and my mother and law kind of defend them when i'm correcting them and it makes me look like the bad guy but they will get on them for the same exact thing and it's ok. i have confronted my wife about this and she says it's the way i do it. the difference is i don't yell and yell and complain and yell somemore. i just simply say thats enough or your ground and/or spanked. i don't beat around the bush. Anyways, this is what me and my wife constintly argue about to the point where i don't want to say or do anything and just let her handle it but then she gets mad at me because i don't support her. danged if i do danged if i don't! now we have a 4 yr old and my mother and law makes little comments like i treat her different from my other three. Maybe i do but i cant help it. i don't want to be this way but thats my blood and i will raise her the way i see fit,period!!!! i adopted my other three and i love them and would give my life for them but it is almost like an instinct when it comes to my youngest daughter to be the father figure i know how to be and my wife nor her mom will shove me out of the way. Don't get me wrong, i love my wife and would never leave but i am stressed and i just want to be a good father to all my children. i don't know what to say or do to fix this. i don't say anything to her mother out of respect for my wife but i want to tell her to go suck on a ****. any suggestions?
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134578_tn?1383690151
Go talk to a child therapist with your wife.  (Not her mother.)  Give exact examples of what you say when you are disciplining the kids.  Talk about the difference between the adopted kids and your blood child.  Work out an agreed way to discipline.  This "that's enough or you're grounded or spanked" stuff is really not very emotionally there, on a kid's wavelength.  You two can figure out something better than that, preferably something she hasn't done before either so it is new to both of you and you both agree on using that style or method.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I understand what your going through...but as their step father,weather you adopted them or not...and thats excellent you did that as a man taking care of  another mans responsibility,but as you said you came into the family when they was small.kids dont know nothing about that too much at a young age..but that was both your wife and your decision to adopt them...and although their father is not fit right now and is away...that is decpline enough for them their starting to understand your blood is not in them...but the love you have by being there is enough...if you choose to get involved with their behavior talk  to your wife before you open you mouth...because then you do look like the bad guy...and your not...tell her you know your blood dont run through those kids vain..but you love them the same as the one you have with her..dont get yourself upset..let the mother and inlaw talk to the kids...after all now their teenagers..and teens always need a good guy to turn to one day when they cant turn to their own father...Rest yourself...and dont worry...
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1551963_tn?1302296332
kids wave length? really? My father kicked me into the wave length he wanted me in and i love and respect him beyond measures. I do understand that children need some sympathy and incouragement but they all need a good old fashion b u tt kickin' from time to time to keep them in line. Thats innevitable. Thats not where my wife and i are having the problem. she will whoop them too but when i do it, she goes into defensive mode with them and not our 4 yr old so it makes me look like the bad guy and ingraves that they are not my blood in my childrens eyes. That is not fair to me. i'm just as much their father as my blood daughters. Then when i get enough of it, i don't say a word and she gets angry because she has to deal with them by herself and i say, well let me be the man i know how to be and we wont have this problem. @grannienannie. I have adopted my three other children, therefore i am not their step father. They carry my last name and  if my wife and i were to seperate, it would not be there blood father paying the child support. it would be me. I think that intitles me to act as their real father. Plus, i was the one who trained them to play ball and kiss ther bobo's and never miss a birthday and whoop their tales when it is needed. I don't know how to be half a DAD. with me it's all or none! I do appreciate your responses and i will look into some therapy but i'm pretty stubborn as you can already see.
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1551963_tn?1302296332
what i really cant understand is why my motherandlaw insists on doing what she does. she hates my wife's ex with a passion and my wife says that when she was growing up, her mother was so strict it was unbelievable but now it is her life goal to make sure my children are unruly, disrespectful, and LAZY. I will not put her in her place because of my wife but it is getting harder to hold my tongue...especially when she says stuff in front of my children that belittles what i say. Sometimes i wish she were a man so i could sling her out my front door by the seat of her pants.
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