Parenting Teens (12-17) Community
15 year old with insomnia
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15 year old with insomnia

hey all. my 15 1/2 yo son is having insonia for the past week or so. I know for a fact he is experimenting/using pot. I have snooped in his room , talked to him, told him I love him and will do anything to help him.He is beyond unbearable in the am doesnt want to go to school he is in the gifted catagory of intellligence . he has gone from straight As to D and E grades I never see him doing homework ..It all screams drugs and or depression I am worried sick.I know hes the kid and Im the grown up I can drag him to a doctor but I cant make him talk.He wont tell me or my husband what is wrong. I have talked with his teachers they say he sleeps in class...I need advice please how can I force him to want help,,or encourage him...hes at the age where I think if he doesnt want help it wont work am I right or wrong with that thought?  any advise will be appreciated I need to know my options...HELP
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681888_tn?1272925909
cherie he is only 15 he doesn't really know what he wants ,...you need to get a urine sample of him ,have you asked him was he taking anything ?..if he says no hes not
then you will just have to tell him you'll need a urine sample to be sure ,.
one step at a time is all you can do ,so start asking him now for a sample ,.
if its clean then you go on to the next step ,...remember you cant accuse him with
without taking a sample from him ,just take one step at a time ,.
its does sound like hes taking something ,but then again he could have something really brothing him also.and will act in the very same way ,..so there for you have to go the d,r
with him ,..what ever you do ,tell him you are so worried and will you just come to see the d,r, for now ,just put it to him in that way ,.
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Avatar_f_tn
You're right, you can't make him want help.  Look...I know this is a bit unconventional, so feel free to discard it, but at 15 and a half he'd only be in, what', his second year of high school?  Freshman or sophomore I would assume.  You may just want to let him screw up a little.  Look at it this way...if he messes up, through his own actions, and you're all on him about how he messed up, then that's what he's gonna remember.  If all he sees are the "real world" consequences, then he'll learn a lot more.  
Gifted, depressed and addicted go hand in hand.  If all he's doing is pot then he's not putting himself at much of a health and/or addiction risk, but is is putting both of you at risk for legal repercussions.  I agree that insomnia plus dropping grades plus knowing he's using drugs does probably add up to the insomnia, drug use, and dropping grades all being the products of depression.  You may want to take the focus off of "getting him help" and onto helping him be open with you.  If he's willing to talk to you (genuinely willing without any prodding from you), and you find out that he's in pain, emotionally, you have a way in.  Adolescent boys feel an immense need to be "strong", and many would rather self-medicate than get professional help if they see it as an admission of weakness.  
You could also open a discussion with something to the effect of "It looks to me like you're really unhappy, d'you want to talk about it?"  if he does, listen and don't judge...if he doesn't, let it be but make it clear that the option is always open.  You will probably have to wait until -he- feels that he needs help more than he needs to prove his strength.  (i.e. that proving himself isn't worth continuing to feel the way he does).  He may also have a hard time understanding the way that he feels.  This is where a psychologist can seriously com in handy.  You could try presenting a counselor as someone whose job it is to be on his side...someone in whom he can confide and who will advocate for him.  Depending on where you live, th law may actually prevent a counselor from telling you anything without his consent.  Even if it doesn't, I would suggest not asking.  The stronger your son's faith is in the confidentiality of what he says in therapy, the more help it will be.  
Another thing...please don't even -think- about sending him to a therapeutic boarding school.  Too many of those places are seriously screwed up for it to be worth the risk...especially with how expensive they tend to be.  (I've never been to one, just heard the horror stories).  
Good luck.  
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681888_tn?1272925909
Cherie you are his mother of course you can make him get help ! hes only 15 years old
this is for his own good ,...were not tell you to beat him just get him some help with whats going on ,...pot is an addictive drug ,.according to the American society of addictive medicine pot produced the same biochemical changes in the brains of rats as highly addictive drugs ,such as heroin ,cocaine ,nicotine,and alcohol,.
smoking seems to alter the brain chemistry of users in a way that makes more vulnerable to using drugs like heroin and cocaine that could explain why 90 percent of hard-drugs users say they used pot first ,..it can lead to a host of serious physical and psychological prob from panic attacks to impaired judgment ,..
pot contains 150 different elements it goes through the bloodstream and interacts with different areas of the brain ,...one of them is responsible for the memory .
many teens are unaware of the dangers of pot smoking ,
going back to the past when people smoked pot it was very different to the kind thats been smoked now ,..
Cherie get him sorted thats all i can say to you now weather he likes it or not ,.
hes a good boy cherie he will know your only trying to help him ,........
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Avatar_f_tn
Last I checked, something like 14% of -regular- marijuana users meet the medical criteria for addiction.  Additionally, you could just as easily make the argument for milk leading to heroin addiction.  41% of high school seniors report having at least tried it, and that number will only increase throughout college and the rest of young adulthood.  Clearly the vast majority of those people are not going on to get addicted to other drugs.  
Obviously I am -not- saying that it is acceptable for him to be using marijuana.  It isn't, as there -are- risks, both health and legal.  However, blowing those dangers out of proportion, or spreading inaccurate ideas as to what they are doesn't help anyone.  
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681888_tn?1272925909
sorry im not blowing what ive said  out of proportion or spreading inaccurate ideas go and do your home work again ,,do you !know which of those kids dont go on to get addicted to it do you .,would you take the chance if it where your son ,if he is trying out pot so be it ,but cherie is now worried about him ,you cant blow anything out of proportion when it comes down to your child health ,,..and no its not acceptable for a young boy to be taking pot so i think that answers everything ,,..Ive see what pot did to kids with my own eyes ,
.there should be no argument on this its bad for your son cherie its up to you if you think your sons smoking it get him some help ,, everyone to there opinion ,..you have yours, and i have mine ,..
but at the end of the day its out of concern for  Cherie's son ,...
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717440_tn?1292747342
Hi,

I'm new to this forum, but I can tell you from years of experience with shrinks that most teens don't want to talk to one until they've been there a few times. Once you realize that everything is confidential and you can b*tch and complain all you want, a lot of teens appreciate it. I might (probably will) be fostering my brother (16yrs) soon and we see his specialist today; I've never been there with him before (the rest of the family has) so I can let you know more when we return. I think you should set up an appointment for him and just explain that this person is someone he can vent to without worrying about it getting back to Mom & Dad (unless it has to do with harming himself/others, but that's a given). Also, treat the first session as a "meet & greet" as you need to get to know each other before you can open up. Personally, I've seen probably a dozen counsellors before I found the one I liked. Remember that no matter what the generation is, teens push boundaries needed for them for a variety of reasons... the only major changes are WHAT those boundaries are. Sex and drugs aren't the same now as when you or I were kids, and I'm only 25, LOL (still a kid in some ways to some). I've heard of 13yr-old's having sex now-a-days - makes me sad. There's too many images in the media bombarding our kids and we as adults need to teach them what these subliminal messages mean and why they're out there. Any ways, I'm rambling as I often do... sorry about that. His grades dropping could be a result of lack of sleep which could be from depression. Either way, I do think you should book him an appointment and get a referral for a pdoc (as we call them; psychiatrist) so he can talk about his problems. Over time, he'll come back to you. Most teens don't appreciate what their parents are trying to do for them until their 20's, or at least until they move out on their own. I hope I was of some help.  :)
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