Discovered Promiscuity

Just yesterday my wife read some text messages on our 17 year old daughter's Blackberry clearly indicating that she was seeking and offering oral sex and intercourse to 4 different boys who she represented to us a being just her friends. Additionally the text conversations indicated clearly that she had already engaged in some sort of sexual behaviour with 4 of these boys individually over the coarse of several days. She has had the same boy friend for 2 years and we are aware that they have had intercourse. She is currency still with this boy. The text messages also indicated that she was bragging about the 4 boy conquest as it were to her best and only girlfriend and this friend was applauding her behaviour. What do you suggest we do?

[RockRose]

This is very unusual behavior in a girl who comes from an intact,  two parent family with an involved dad.  What would cause her to so desperately seek approval from boys?

[margypops]

Definatly why would she seek that kind of attention, ask her about it , have you had a conversation regarding it,ask her are the Texts true.,As she is still a minor and is living with you it is Important to talk to her and express your concern.

[phil]

These days kids seem to take a casual attitude towards sex, I would talk to her about it, especially stressing the STD and morality concerns.  You could take the tact that in the long run, she'll end up being disrespected by her peers.  Peer pressure may be a good leverage at that age.

Phil

[iconic]

I'm not too much older than your daughter, so I can shed some light on this situation that other parents perhaps can't.

First of all, text messages don't always indicate reality.

17 year olds are still in that phase where sex is new and intriguing and somewhat of a mystery. It's natural for teens to be curious and want to explore. That said, just because teens experiment with phone sex, doesn't mean that they're having REAL sex. I know that when I was her age, I sent dirty text messages on occasion..but I wasn't actually having sex...I was just curious and felt like experimenting. As for the bragging...that might not be the real deal either. A lot of girls exaggerate their sexual experiences to fit in with or impress their friends (just like boys do).

The point is - don't accuse her until you get all the facts. Maybe she is having sex with these boys, maybe she isn't. But if you accuse her without getting the facts, she'll feel betrayed (especially since you went through her cell phone!).

And actually, in all honesty, if I were you, I'd recuit someone else to talk to her. An older sister, or a cool adult relative, or someone she'd feel comfortable opening up to. NO teenager enjoys talking about sex with their parents.

[margypops]

Great feedback for the Parents and good for us to hear it from the Horses moth ,so to speak, there is a lot of sense from the Daughters perspective I hope the Parents  found it a lot of help.

[cassiebabb123]

i am 17 years old and if my parents not only snuck around and looked through my cell phone and then confronted me about my life i would kill someone! most likely my parents. obviously your daughter wasnt expecting her mom to go through her phone and 'check up on her' so if you confront her it would most likely embarass her which will make your dinners awful quiet ones for awhile. times are different from when you were kids. im sorry but they are. its not uncommon for a 14 year old to get pregnant, your next door neighbour to run away with her boyfriend to get narried in vagas, for kids to be drinking and doing drugs at such a young age. its horrible but true. your daughter will soon learn that her ways are unexceptible and smarten up. it might have to be her boyfriend finding out what she has been doing behind her back to do the trick, or one of these boys giving her some disease. but you have to let her learn from what she is doing. i promise she will relieze what she is doing is unclassy and stop. hey, maybe its that girlfriend she was bregging to who she is trying to impress. think about that? just please, please, PLEASE do NOT confront her about it. it will only make things worse.

[jcolby]

This is a bit shocking I'm sure as a parent to think your daughter would be this promiscuous but you should take into consideration also that things may be a bit exaggerated.  Think it over with your husband and look for opportunities to test your daughter. As a parent you have instincts that don't lie and the truth can be revealed but it should be well planed out to help your daughter and your relationship with her.