Disturbing Teen Blog and behavior

I have a 15 yr old step daughter that lives in another state.  Her mother has been allowing her to date 17 year old boys since she was 14.  Through my own snooping and have learned that she was sexually active with her first boyfriend.  Although she didn't have actual sex, she has done everything else.   She now has a new 17 year old boyfriend (1 week time span between breakups)  he is pressuring her for sex and I'm pretty sure she is going to give in.   She keeps a blog on Tumblr.  She doesn't know I found it, but this is how I found out most of this information, although her mother does know that the current boyfriend is pressuring her for sex.   I haven't told the mom that I found her blog because the mother would just tell my stepdaughter.   (she is a lousy parent!!)  Anyway, my other big concern besides the sexual activity is the content on her blog.  She has very disturbing pictures of deviant sexual behavior, she posts pictures of teens cutting themselves.  She has made references to suicide when she is upset about relationship issues.  She uses extremely foul language and exhibits out of proportion anger about things in her life.   I have looked at the blogs of some her friends and they are nothing like hers, so I don't think she is mimicking her friends behavior.  

She will be visiting us in about 4 weeks.  I am considering confronting her with her blog and suggesting she sees a counselor while she is with us.   Is this a bad idea??  Am I overreacting?    We would love to discuss this with her mother, but every time we try and have a conversation about things we find out my stepdaughter, her mom just dismisses it.  Even worse she will go to her daughter and relay everything we said and make us look like the bad guys.  I feel like my hands are tied in many ways but I am worried about my stepdaughter.   She is dealing with things she is not mature enough to handle and I can't imagine how things will escalate over the next 3 years...she is only a freshman in high school!!

[jojers]

I suggest that you do not bring up the fact that you are snooping though her computer profiles because then she will loose trust in you. I would find a more creative way to allow her to open up to you. Have her talk about her BF's with you and let her open up to you. otherwise it might make things worse like you are trying to be snoopy and control her life... In regards to the suicide stuff, I would not take that so lightly and I would talk to her mother about that and you can also sit her down and let her know that that kind of behavior does not solve life's problems. that life goes up and down and that we move on and move forward if it be from a break up or what have you.... Maybe she just needs someone to care and be a mother and not a "friend". Sounds like her Mother is more of a "friend".

[evilstepmom]

Thanks for the advise.  My snooping really just involved finding her blog.  It's actually public, apparently a lot of kids have them now as a form of expression, hers is just disturbing.  I really wish we could talk to the mother, she just won't listen to us.  We had serious objections to her dating older boys at such a young age, but her mother thinks its fine.  She thinks her daughter is very mature and makes good decisions.   I even emailed her mother the link to her blog and also some of the more worrisome posts.  I sent it via an anonymous email, just so she wouldn't rat us out to her daughter.  I'm not sure if she ever saw it though because her and my stepdaughter share a computer and I have a feeling my stepdaughter saw the email and may have deleted it.    The only way I have to speak to my stepdaughter at the moment is over the phone.  That's why I was considering talking to a counselor when she is here.   We will only have her for a few weeks before we have to send her back to her unsupervised life....she even posted once on her blog "I love it that I can do whatever the "F@#! I want".  She's right she can lie and manipulate her mother anytime she wants.   Just so everyone understands, she is a good kid overall.  She gets good grades in school so far and she can be very thoughtful and loving.  I just worry about all the pressure from the boys and the lack of supervision.  She has already gotten drunk at least once and some  of her friends use pot, I know from experience how easy it is to go down the wrong path and I grew up with strong role models and supervision.  

[jeza726]

My 16 years old girl used to be like that too. In her case, she posted rude comments on facebook and keep uploading disgraceful photos to gained friendship with the "cool girls" group. My sister suggested me a program that she used, I've been using it consistently for 2 weeks and see the improvement on her attitude. I'm not sure if you could advertise a program here? I'm just suggesting it, my niece and nephew used to be difficult for my sister as well. Apparently I just found the a better looking website. I understand your feeling, this is just a suggestion. Share your story and good luck. http://www.successfulparentingguide.blogspot.com/

[ckearnsy100]

well....I have as stepmum...me and her dont get along..but anyway shes lucky to have you who cares about her(: let her know that she can ALWAYS talk with you no matter what it is, and it will be just between u 2. If i had a good relationship with my stepmum and she said this to me I would tell her..(: and your stepdaughter is the same age as me, so take this from someone who knows :) x

[1st_timemommy19]

I met my stepmother when i was 16. I never liked her because I felt that she was trying to push me away from my dad. She did it! I think if my stepmother would've opened up and offer me her trust I would've opened up as well. She is very lucky to have a stepmom like you. Oh & one more thing.... DO NOT let her know you were snooping around... You will lose her trust!!! Find another way to approach her and don't approach her as if you are a parent who's going to ground her, approach her as a trustworthy friend.
Hope it helps & good luck