Parenting Teens (12-17) Community
Handling a Teenage Boy
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This patient support community is for discussions relating to the challenges of parenting teens (age 12-17), including physical, emotional, and cognitive development, handling peer pressure, activities & sports, choosing a college, and relationships.

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Handling a Teenage Boy

Hi Doc,

My nephew has recently turned 14 or in other words has stepped into teenage phase. Recently he happened to visit my boyfriend's place and stayed there for about 3-4 days. My fiance tried to be quite friendly with my nephew and made him comfortable by indulging in small talks. It was during this conversation, my nephew seem to have posed few questions relating to sexual activities to my fiance. The questions were relating to oral sex (something which was shown through picture to him by his friend of same age) and secondly it was relating to production of semen and how the male organ is involved in producing semen which goes into a female leading to birth of child (something he learnt through his science textbook and taught by his female tutor).
Considering today's generation and the amount of exposure the kids have got, it was absolutely normal for him to pose such questions and I felt happy that he atleast got it clarified with my fiance and confided into him. My fiance was quite taken aback and hence he simply diverted him by stating that such things are natural to happen and that he should focus on his studies and that these things he will get to learn gradually as he grows.
Am unsure if that was a correct/perfect answer to sufficiently clarify his doubts. Since my nephew had told my fiance to not let me know about it so i cannot ask him directly moreover being a female nor do i want to myself indulge in talks involving such topics with my nephew.
May i know if its normal for a teen to ask such questions? If yes, how do i be prepared to answer similar / advanced topics that they may want to explore? What methods / means can I seek to help him learn these things in a unharmful way? What other measures can i take to reduce my anxiety while raising my teenage nephew and at the same time, how can i constructively raise him to grow into a healthy adult?
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I think that these questions are very appropriate for a 14 year old and shows a true sign of maturity as well, given the detail of the questions.  I would definitely not discourage this conversation because of discomfort or anxiety.  The more he knows, the better he will be in making decisions regarding sexual behavior.

I don't think there is really any way to be prepared to answer questions from you son regarding sex. I would simply treat him as an adult by responding to his questions just as if he were an adult.  After all, he is four years from becoming an adult.  If you know the answer to his questions, tell him what you know about the topic.  If not, perhaps both of you could find the answers together.  

Transparency and keeping the door open for further discussions on this topic not only will allow him to make the right choices but will help him to become a healthy adult.
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