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Help :( My daughter TERRIFIES me...
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Help :( My daughter TERRIFIES me...

This is going to be a very long post. I'm just at my wits end at what to do.So if anyone reads this... PLEASE help me... Its killing me :(

My daughter is twelve years old. I always felt she was kind of “different”. Like weird-different. It’s terrible to say it but it’s true…

She has a very good imagination, which I’m so happy about. But I feel like she’s living in her own world sometimes. She makes up “games” and “stories” and draws and writes them and always want to pretend she is characters from these or from video games or books or TV shows. The neighbourhood kids or kids from school don’t really like this anymore and she hates to “be” herself. She also hates her name and hates when we call her by it… Her name is Madison… If I call her that she yells “DON’T SAY MY NAME!” It really scares me..

She doesn’t like to talk to other kids or make friends. When I ask why she just gets upset. Other kids have tried to be friends with her but I think the way she is just scares them. They don’t want to pretend to be characters anymore… she hates makeup and shopping and boys and movies and music and anything that she thinks people find “cool”. She loves video games, make-believe, reading and drawing. And she plays sports but she doesn’t really make friends on the teams and she doesn’t really get into it. I think she pretends to like it to make me and her dad (my husband) happy. Whenever there is a project at school she has to do with a partner she is always the odd-one-out who doesn’t have a partner who has to join a group to make a group of 3. She has SOME “friends” at school apparently but she never wants to call them and they don’t really ever call her. She told me that she hates people and that’s the reason she never wants to make friends and she feels like nobody likes her.  

She has terrible self-esteem. She calls herself ugly and fat and says that she hates herself on a regular basis. I have NO idea why. She doesn’t like to go out in public and sometimes if I drag her out she will cry the whole time and whine and bawl if she looks into a mirror. It’s embarrassing. I’ve tried to tell her she’s beautiful etc. and offered to buy her new clothes or let her get her hair done or whatever she wants to make her feel better but she doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want to “change” but she hates how she is. She always has to wear her hair in a ponytail every day and refuses to wear jeans, only leggings and tucks her shirt in. She refuses to wear a bra although she probably should.

She has kind of bad hygiene. She is embarrassed of needing deodorant so she doesn’t use it although I’ve had the conversation about growing up and puberty and that. I remind her and she always gets embarrassed and rolls her eyes and says “I KNOW MOM”. I recently found out she started her period but hadn’t told me for a while. I found a dirty bloody big bunched up ball of Kleenex in the bathroom and when I confronted her about it she was shaking and embarrassed and crying. Then I discovered she has been hiding a bunch of these in her room under her bed. Nasty ****. I tried to get her to use pads or tampons but she is embarrassed and won’t admit to me when she has her period but I can SMELL it usually because she doesn’t change these Kleenex balls often, but she is constantly adjusting them in her pants. And she will scratch at her head or pick at her face and skin and eat it… and bite her nails and eat it, and the skin around them, and pick her nose and eat it… I have tried to tell her not to do this… I have NOOOOO idea why she does it. :( :(. She gets embarrassed that I notice her doing it. I’ve tried to tell her that people notice, people will see…

But what scares me the most is when she goes into these “crazy” fits. She will scream and yell that she hates herself that she wants to die and she punches herself… really hard in the chest, slams doors on her head and beats herself with brushes or stuff. Her eyes bulge out and she talks like … insane… She talks about herself in third person as an “it”. Like “Who cares? Stupid Maddy hates itself! Punches itself, kills itself!”. She does this at home and sometimes out in public. It kills me. I don’t know WHY :( :( I've tried asking her why she feels this way and she says it's because she's ugly and useless and I don't understand..

Like…. My husband and I are at a loss. We have never experienced anything like this when we were growing up and have no idea where she gets it from. I just want to help her make friends and fit in and have a good happy social life but I just don’t know what’s wrong. Myself, my husband and our son (her brother)all have no problem making friends and love going out and being social and have good self-esteem. We are very supportive and loving toward her, she hasn’t had any past trauma or abandonment issues. She is sooooo smart and the nicest girl in the world and this just kills me to see her hating herself. I get frustrated with the behaviour sometimes and it’s made me just break down crying because I don’t know where I’ve failed her. Like I want to get her checked out but she says she’s not crazy and I think if I try and tell her that I’m worried about her mental sanity she’d be more sad and offended.

The punching and hitting herself has gone on for a while like since she was quite young… Like if she’s out in public and sees herself it sometimes happens and when we’re bowling or playing mini golf and she’s losing she will yell at herself and hate herself because she “sucks” in comparison to me or her dad or her younger brother.

Okay. Sorry I had to vent about this. Anyone any ideas? What can I do :( :(
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Avatar_f_tn
Well<my heart does go out to you.  I have a 13 year old myself and have our share of "rare" issues that have come into our lives.  As for what your going through, It sounds like you really do love and care for your daughter and the first thing you need to remember is that she needs to feel love and excepted, no matter what, by her parents. Let her feel free to be who she is.  Let her run with her imagination and do all those things she does.  Help her to know its ok to be who she is.  Dont worry about friends, they will come.  First show her she is loved just as she is.  She feels all of what you said and that will only make it all worse.  I grew up very different from my family and felt like an outcast and that is no way to grow up.  She sounds afraid to turn to you.  She needs you to be her soft place to fall and if you can show her that her self esteem will come alive.  It really is hard to explain what I mean in this but I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say.  Also, you should have her tested for lead or anyother things that could be off with her hormones ect...
I wish you all the luck in the world and hopefully you can find a common ground to connect with to her.  The Teen years only get harder and harder.  Good Luck and God Bless
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13167_tn?1327197724
ammylee,  she needs psychiatric intervention.  Since it's summer this is the perfect time to do it,  when she can be placed in a psychiatric care facility for awhile and get a good diagnosis.  

What she's experiencing doesn't fall within the range of hormonal teenagers.  

Hoarding menstrual pads is a huge red flag,  

Bad hygiene,  not wanting to go out in public ever,  picking and eating  screaming beating meltdowns where she says she hates herself are beyond what you can handle yourself.

I think you should get on the phone tomorrow and find a residential psychiatric facility for teenagers and get her help.  This can not be wished away.

God bless,  and prayers for you.  I can't imagine how painful this must be to watch.
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Avatar_f_tn
Wow! Something is going on. If I was you I would make her an appointment to see an adolescent counselor. If she says she doesn't like the first one go to another. You want to make sure she is comfortable with them. She won't want to go but you want her to be comfortable while she is there. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope it works out.
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Avatar_f_tn
i agree with rockrose, your daughter needs professional, psychiatric help. Not liking yourself is normal (I didn't like myself either) but the rest needs serious help.

She'll fight you on it, but stick to your guns. In the end you'll have peace of mind and may find out what's wrong.
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1408944_tn?1282144738
I agree, you daughter needs professional help. If you do not want to take her to the counselor, you can start with her pediatrician first. I would call him (or her) and meet without your daughter present first. And then go from there.
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1425157_tn?1311655279
yes she needs an evaluation-- sounds like a mental illness
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're having with your daughter. I'm a nurse at a psychiatric center (hospital) and I stumbled upon your posting while trying to research the term used for people that hoard their menstrual pads. My suggestion to you, and I know how hard it will be for you and your family to do this, but you need to get her some professional help. You don't have you go straight to a psych doctor, start off with her pediatrician he/she may have some insight into this and get her on some sort of medication to calm her moods and stop hurting herself. Then he/she can refer you to a psych doctor. We deal with these types of situations all the time here at the facility, and honestly her behavior esp. her hurting herself as she gets older is going to get worst. I don't mean to scare you but the best thing for her, you and your family right now is to get her help. A very strong support system is going to be a key essential in all of this. So I highly recommend talking to your husband, son, and family about this and coming to a decision over all and sticking together. This type of situation is extremely hard for the person suffering and the family, but her and your families physical and mental health come first.

Just remember that mental health is not anything to be shy about or to feel embarrassed about it's like any other illness (asthma, arthritis, diabetes, etc) they are all treatable and not anything to feel ashamed of.
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RockRose
Austin, TX