My son is 13, he has had a "girlfriend" on an off for almost a year now. Recently my husband & I were called into his school because the two were acting "inappropriately." holding and touching, that was about all I was told. We were upset about this and while he was out the next day I read the txt msgs on his cell phone, what I read made me blush! the explicit things they said to each other and the language, I have recently spoken to the girls parents (who were also called into school) they are just as upset as we are, now I hear how disrespectful my son has been to her parents, not to mention he's not showing her much respect either by talking this way to her - this is all very upsetting, he wasn't raised this way - he has been disrespectful to us at times - but kids are like that as long as they have manners in public you know they are learning them, (just too relaxed at home to keep them up I guess). But the language and disrespectful attitude to teachers and other parents and now this sexual curiosity. I don't know how to get a handle on it and get him under control. I have tried to talk with him; he stares past me and just keeps nodding and asking if he can go. I hope something is getting through but I think he is just turning me off. I have tried the "tough love" route, I have tried grounding him, taking privilages away, screaming doesn't help, I've suggested a therapist but he refused to go and when we forced him to go the therapist said he just sat there and grunted and gave one word answers, the therapist felt that he wouldn't be able to help unless my son would meet him some of the way. Do you have any suggestions? I'm worried I'll loose him totally.
I don't think you're going to lose him. I think he's just a product of today's society. You probably don't even realize how bad it is until you go into a high school and watch how the kids talk and act. This is a very sexualized society. It's just thrown at us left and right anymore. It's on TV, the radio, all the music the kids listen to. This is what they're constantly being exposed to. They are encouraged to explore their sexuality and will actually feel pressured into things too soon. They will be made to feel the odd one out or the "nerd" if they don't experiment with sex.
It's good that you talk to him. I wouldn't worry about taking him to a therapist at this point. You do need to have some ground rules and he should be expected to obey them. He needs to respect you and all authority figures. If he doesn't, he's grounded. Go over the rules with him to be fair. Ask him to look at you when you're talking to him. Stop talking until he does. Stay calm and focused but firm. You're right, screaming doesn't work and he'll only tune you out and lose respect of you when you lose control. It's important for you to stay in control.
If you don't have one already, I suggest you get some type of moniter for your computer and start monitering everything he does online. If he has a MySpace, get his password and moniter that too. I do that with my daughter and she knows I do. She knows if I see innappropriate talking I will warn her and if it doesn't stop the MySpace goes. I used to moniter my son's MySpace but he's kept it clean and I stopped watching it. He's 19 now anyway. There's nothing wrong with you monitering that and everything else he does. That's what a parent should do. Kids need to understand that people see their MySpace and even potential employess will check their MySpace anyway to see what type of person they are.
At 13 he's growing quickly and the hormones are raging inside of him. It probably overwhelms him. It can be difficult to control his emotions and feelings. Most of this sounds pretty normal for his age. Try and keep him busy in wholesome activities like Scouts, sports or youth groups. The more he stays busy the less he can get in trouble.
Also, if you haven't yet, start teaching him how to treat a "lady". Have him hold doors open, help with their chairs, etc. Remind him that ladies don't like foul mouths and crude talk. They like guys to like them for what's inside. Keep talking and talking to him. You may think it goes in one ear and out the other but he hears. Don't worry.
I hope any of this is helpful. I know raising a teen today is not easy. I've got two of them, so I understand! Take care & God bless.
Is tend to be very mature and all loveable at home but when the get outside all hell break loose there talking about having boyfriend and having sex with then and etc.I feel that u should let your kid be imbarrased by you if she's with boys stay there .if u have any more question just ask
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