I'm a teenager, but I wanted other parents thoughts on this

I started high school this year, and my parents seem to be laying down rules that are unreasonable. My parents are divorced so when I refer to "mom," I mean my mom and stepdad, and when I say "dad," I mean my dad and stepmom. I'm a 15 year old girl.

I made two main mistakes this year, and one that my parents see as a huge mistake.

0. This is just background. At the beginning of the year, my best friend (I'll call her S) and I got into a huge fight, and stopped being friends for around a month. After that, we acknowledged our mistakes and decided that we wanted to still be friends. We matured from the experience, at least in my opinion. My parents ceased to trust my friend after our fight though.

1. My mom went to a Christmas party and left me at S's house (this is after we made up from our fight), telling us not to leave her house, but we left anyways, walking around her neighborhood. We literally did nothing other than go for a walk. My mom came back sooner than we expected, though, found us, picked us up in her car, took S home, and then when I got home she told me she couldn't trust me at all. My parents decided to give me the benefit of the doubt, however, and I rebuilt their trust fairly quickly. S and I (she's my best friend, even now) were no longer allowed to be friends (outside of school), and I was forced to unfriend her on facebook, as well as delete her number from my phone. My parents felt that S was a bad influence on me, although I feel that I had equally as much fault in it, and S and I had never gotten into any trouble before.

2. This happened two weeks ago. S and I were tired of not being allowed to hang out outside of school (I had asked them multiple times before if we could hang out with their supervision and gotten a no), so we both went to my other friend (we'll call her L)'s house and to Crackerjax, and I told my mom that I was only hanging out with L. Unfortunately, L's parents couldn't pick us up from school, and so S's dad had to pick us up from school and take us to S's house for about a half hour, and L's parents would pick us up from there (neither S or L's parents know that S and I aren't allowed to be friends). My parents don't trust S's parents because they have like 8 kids and very little to no parental supervision. Anyways, S likes to take pictures, and so we took a lot of fun pictures (not inappropriate in any way). S gave them to L to upload onto facebook, however, and both S and I were tagged in them. My dad saw the pictures. On 4/20 I came home from school (I don't do drugs), and asked my dad to help me find my iPod which had been missing for a week. We searched my room, and my dad found a cartoon that S had drawn for me during school about a character "high man." It was an honest joke. He also found a notebook that was labelled as my "high journal", because one time my dad gave me an ambien without knowing the effects and it got me high, so I wanted to write down what had happened. And in all honesty, I took an ambien one time after that and wrote in the journal. But thats the extent of my experience with drugs, and I have absolutely no plans to try anything of the sort again. Anyways, my dad had an intervention that night, and I told him everything in all honesty about what I did with L and S (we went to Crackerjax, took some pictures, and that was it), and explained in all honesty about the comic and journal. My dad drug tested me, which is reasonable because it was 4/20, but it came up negative. My parents were only upset because I had lied to them, which I understand. They told me that "if I had asked if I could do that with S, they would have said yes," but I told them that since I had asked in the past and gotten a negative response, how would I have known that. It was a mistake, and I learned from it. I didn't have any consequences other than a dent in my parents trust.

3. This happened on Monday (this one my parents consider big). My parents usually make me place my electronic devices in their room at 10pm so that I won't stay up all night using them. This night, my mom told me to do this, but I had been Skyping L and didn't want to, so I placed my computer case in my mom's room and went back on my computer. I went to bed at 11, because thats when I get tired anyways. In the morning, my mom came to pick me up, and I realized that my computer was sitting next to my bed, so I rolled out and slid it under the bedskirt, hoping to hide it. My mom was suspicious though, and checked. She was furious when she found out it was my computer. I went to school and spoke with the school counselor because I didn't want to lose my parents trust again, and she told me to acknowledge to my parents that what I did was wrong, which I did when I got home from school. My mom told me that she had lost all trust in me and it would take around a year to build it back up. This could include, not going to prom (which freshmen go to at my school), and not getting my permit. I haven't yet spoken to my dad about the situation, but I expect to tonight. Then my mom put parental controls on my computer that shut it down at 10 on weekdays and 12 on weekends, and that block sites that they consider inappropriate. The problem with the parental controls that block sites, however, is that they have been blocking EVERYTHING, even sites that I've been on before and know aren't inappropriate.

Do you feel that I deserve this complete loss of my parents trust?
Do you think getting parental controls on my computer is worth it (I've never done anything bad on my computer before).
Do you think S and I shouldn't be allowed to be friends?
Do you think I've actually done anything really really bad?

I really just wish my parents would trust me again, so I could hang out with friends without them being suspicious. Also I'm not allowed to date (except for double dates in public places) until junior year, even though my younger brother (7th grade) is, but thats unrelated. Oh and they pressure me about grades, which are in my opinion fairly good considering I go to one of the hardest schools in the nation. They say my grades are "average," and that I am "above average."

Also I've told them that their rules seem unfair but they tell me that they've talked to other kids parents and that they agree on the rules. When I talk to other kids they don't seem to have these rules... But anyways my parents claim to be very lenient, although I disagree, but that could be because I just started high school and am pushing more for my freedoms.

And also they have all of my online passwords so that they can monitor my facebook if they feel the need, as well as my email, things like that. They didn't let me get a formspring (which is understandable, and I guess this counts as another mistake), so I got one behind their backs and posted the link to my facebook for one hour before taking it down, and I got a really inappropriate question, which I answered vaguely, but someone obviously found my account and showed my parents, or something, because my dad saw and became FURIOUS. He doesn't usually yell, but he was then. Anyways on 4/20 when we were having an intervention, he found out that I have a Tumblr, which isn't even inappropriate in the least, and I refused to tell him the password, although it was linked to my email so he found it. He allowed me to change the password so that he couldn't access it again, but now its blocked by the parental controls and my parents aren't going to authorize it until I show them what it is. The thing is that I don't want to show them my tumblr because its my personal blog, and a lot of my emotions and stuff come out on there. And really I just want to have something that I can keep to myself.

[laci25]

Ok my first question is, have you sat your parents down and had a long conversation with them about how you feel?  I am a parent but my kids are still very small so I haven't gotten to the stage where you are yet, but I do remember how it was when I was your age.  My parents didn't allow me to have a boyfriend until I was 16 years old.  I know times are different now than they used to be but, I never had my own computer or my own phone until I was out of highschool and I didn't even get my own tv until I was in highschool!  As for the friend thing, if all that you and S did was take a walk around the block and nothing else, then I would just repremand the both of you for doing that but not keep the two of you from being friends.  I do have to say though, that going behind your parents back the other times was definitely not a good thing on your part, especially when they were not happy with you hanging out with S in the first place.
I would find out exactly what it is about S that your parents don't like.  Maybe there is another reason they are just not telling you.  So they are using that situation as their excuse.  Maybe you should create a journal about everything you are feeling and let them read it so they can understand how you are feeling and your reasons.  Then maybe they can explain to you why they have repremanded you the way they have.

[AnnieBrooke]

The only thing in your story that bothers me is how you downplay the times you have done something they have specifically asked you not to do.  "I left but it was only to ...," "I got tired of that so I ..." or "I didn't feel like it, so ..."  are not really good reasons to disobey what they are asking you to do at a time when their trust in you has been shaken.  If you had abided by what they asked, you would have gotten to what you want (the ability to hang out with S and have your computer later at night and so forth) sooner.  The more they find you trying to get around what they say, the less they will trust you, and the tighter will be the reins.  Unfortunately, in the incidents you've described, all you have done is shown them that you will sneak around what they tell you to do.  It's not good to get a reputation of being sneaky, especially among your parents.

[AnnieBrooke]

I mean this simply as a practical matter.  Until you're 18, and away, you are going to have to deal pragmatically with what they request of you.  It's a lot easier to live with them if they are relaxed about you and your intentions than it is to live with them if they are on edge about you and your intentions.  Right now you have put them into a state of hyper-vigilance.  Misunderstandings can happen when parents are uptight.  Then you guys will go into a spiral of side arguments over things that they would have given a bye at other times.  Please just keep in mind, they are not trying to be your jailers, they are trying to be the guardrail that keeps you from driving off the edge on the curvy mountain road.  You like the mountain road because it's fun to drive, but are really better off with the guardrail until you're done with your training.

My thought is, acknowledge that the trust is strained or broken at the moment, and do things to heal it.  Lots of things, consistently, for at least three months.  They should be visible without you having to explain them.  Things your folks can see at a glance.  (For example, start giving your mom your computer at night not in its case.)  Keep it up for three months.  Most parents will believe three months' worth of evidence, especially if you do it with a sunny and not sulky attitude.

Good luck, it ain't easy, but at least you're not fighting about drugs and sex.