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Mother and teenage Son Behavior
Hello, I have a few question for you ,  Mother’s who have teenage boy’s age 13. My wife seems to think this behavior is fine. In the morning my wife and her son. Needs to be out of the house by 7:15 am. So it starts with my wife getting up going to her sons room and telling him to get up. She gets in the shower 10-15 minutes later. Son rolls out of bed heads to same bathroom his mother is showering in. Son does not come out of the bathroom every time. Shower stops mother is  done showering. ( this is not a big master bathroom. Its average size) A few minutes later shower starts again her son is now taking his shower. A few minutes later my wife come to our bed room to dress. Wife is not in bedroom to dry off she drops towel and starts to dress. So my wife gets out of the shower while son is there and  dry’s off and powders herself. My wife after dressing goes back to bathroom tells her son. Time to get out of the shower and she is also in there drying her hair and does her  makeup. Her son comes out of the bathroom stark naked and goes to his room to get dressed. But, leaves his bedroom door wide open which is right across from bathroom. He would leave his bedroom door open until. I get up to go into the bathroom. Then he closes his door. If I did not leave my bedroom to go in the bathroom. His door would stay wide open. Now remember this is not a little boy he is 13 teen. I would like to know how many of you mothers do this with your teenage boys.
He basically she’s his mother naked or half naked daily. He see’s her naked and she see’s him naked. I have said little hints here and there to my wife about it. Its cleared to me my concerns are ignored.
I also mentioned something in regards to this to my wife on Friday about a article I read. Any other morning my bedroom door would be wide open or half open and I have a clear view of the hallway bathroom her son’s room. But, this morning before she hit the shower and she shut the door all the way. Wich she does not do on a regular basis. I was awake this morning because I wanted to see if what I said to her on Friday stopped this behavior. So she closed the door. So, I opened it. So I could see out of my room.
  
This not my only problem. I have notice in the past that my son tries to cop a  feel when he hug his mother. My wife has very nice big breast. I noticed over the weekend in the kitchen. He goes to hug and kiss is mom which is great that he loves his mom so much. He is a little taller than my wife. That day he puts one hand around her back and the other hand was resting on the side of her ribs and touching her breast. Then he tilts his head down and has his face in her breast. Then he squeezes her closer. My wife does nothing. He stopped when he heard me talking. This is not the only time. I have seen this almost every time he does this he gets all giddy.  So how many of you mother allow this to happen with your teenage boys.

Now the plot thickens. Her son has a bed wetting problem. So we started to get him up at like 12-12:30 am to take him to the bathroom. Well, She mostly gets him up. But, when I do I wake him up and point him to the bathroom. He shuts the door and goes. Finishes flushes and puts the seat back down and turns the lights off and comes back to bed.

My wife gets him up turns lights on for him lifts the seat and holds his penis for him. In her defense she say’s he pees all over the place. Well when I take him he may get some on the seat.
I don’t think she is holding his penis anymore because, I flipped out when I found out. One thing I noticed when I take him to the toilet he closes the door. So I can’t see. But, when his mother takes him. The door is wide open. So again my question to you mothers of teenage boys. Do you do this with your Boy’s ?

My wife also lay’s down with her son. Before he goes to sleep. Now at night my wife usually like to be comfortable for bed.. short night shirt and underpants.
Some month back like maybe 4-5 months ago I was in my office and  my wife took her son to bed an hour later. I go to get ready for bed. Wife is not in bedroom so I go looking for her.
She is sound  asleep in sons  room. She is laying on her back and he is laying on his side with one leg thrown over around her leg and is arm is stretched out across her chest.


So ladies or guys after reading everything that I wrote. What do you think? Am I over reacting. Is this just some innocent thing. Or is this something I need to be concerned about. Well I am already concerned about it. I am totally disgusted and feel like puking every time. I think about it. If it wasn’t for the showering thing. I probably would not have thought anything of it.
This is a new house for us and my other home his room was upstairs where I never went and the bathroom was out of view.
I love my wife dearly. But, I just don’t know what to make of this behavior. I have tried to drop little hints here and there with out making a big deal or embarrassing her That he is becoming a man and you need to back off.
But, I guess it either ignored or hasn’t sunk in .

Confused Step Dad
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717440 tn?1292747342
Sorry, step-dad, but you are RIGHT!!! This sounds like incest to me. I forget the term for it, but there is a, um, "condition" where mothers and sons have a relationship that's too close. Even if you had the biggest bathroom in the world, they shouldn't be in the bathroom at the same time, unless they're brushing their teeth or something like that. ESPECIALLY after you mentioned the bed-wetting problem. That's often a sign of sexual abuse. If I were you, I'd stop with the little hints and point-blank tell her that this is WRONG!! If she doesn't stop or she tries to hide it even more, I would contact the appropriate authorities. Her son doesn't know that this is wrong because, even though 13yrs, is still a child. She is the adult that should know better.

I hope I was helpful and feel free to PM me any time  :)
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Avatar universal
my boys arn't teenagers yet but yeah that is not how a mother should act with her son. that definately sounds inappropriate and like incest. my brother used to pee everywhere when he was 13. and not just a little on the seat (he has a short attention span even when peeing and would turn circles while peeing....it was everywhere lol) and my mom never held his penis for him. she would scold him for peeing everywhere and then clean it up. and neither of us ever went into the bathroom when she was showering. if we needed something we would knock or wait till she was done. and she never laid in bed with him. if he was sick yeah she would hold him but that was usually him sitting on her lap and her holding him like....well a kid. she did the same for me when i was sick. lol she still does sometimes (we might be older but we're still her babies). you might want to just be blunt with her. if she denies it and it continues call the appropriate authorities. that is not a healthy relationship with her son.
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They did not give me a reason. I suspect someone else there is doing the same things.

I talked to my wife about what, I have been witnessing and see claims see did not know.
that he was doing what he was doing. But, I expected that she would play dumb. but, she did agree that the showering thing was out of hand and said it would not happen anymore. The holding of his penis while peeing has stopped month ago.she said. She also claims that she was pushing him off her when. he was a little to touchy with his hands and does not lay down with him to snuggle anymore. She sits on the end of the bed. but, she said he begs her to snuggle with her and she has him lay with his back to her and he did not like the new snuggle arrangement. I told her that's   is her proof that he wanted to be able to touch her.
I also told her that if this continued. i was leaving and having a talk with his dad.
She said that I should have a talk with her son about this. that he may not listen to her. but, would listen to me. What do you guys think? should it be me talking to him or her. Even if i did talk to him what would i say, i am pissed that he is touching my wife in a sexual manner. I know that this is a serious delicate matter. Do i be blunt or use kid gloves. In a way. i do think he knew kinda what he was doing. but, maybe doesn't know it wrong.
But, thanks again folks for your help. you may have helped save my marriage.
any help on the second part of this with talking to my stepson would be honored.
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562884 tn?1279635934
Well first off, my son is 14, and he would just die if I saw his penis let alone tried to hold it, not that I ever would. Does he have any mental disabilities as far as the bed wetting? It just seems odd that your wife would have even started that, it's inappropriate on her side, this is a child we are talking about, and these are learned behaviors.

As far as the shower thing goes, My son will come in and pee if I'm in the shower, no big deal, he even thought it was hilarious that one day he threw the curtain back and dumped ice water on me and took off running laughing his butt off! Once again I still think that is appropriate behavior for a teenager, being nude is not inappropriate, alot of children have seen their parents that way.

I would be very careful in the conversation that you have with him, and I think your wife is wrong for asking you to do so. This is somthing she has created not you, she needs to be the one to address the issues, and enforce the new behaviors, by not allowing the old ones to continue. It really has nothing to do with you. Good Luck.
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717440 tn?1292747342
I agree with kiki; your wife should be the one doing the talking, not you.
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603946 tn?1333945439
I agree with the wife. make it man to man but matter of fact. There doesn't need to be a two sided discussion.
Dad  sets the limits: says "abc,xyz"- ' this is allowed, abc and you are too old for xyz'
Son says "ok"-
That's it/
if it were in my family- dad step/dad would do the talking. My son would be embarrassed and it would never happen again.
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Avatar universal
Thanks again to all who gave me advise. Its been a few weeks now and everything is going well. My wife is more aware of where her son puts his hands and his face when they huge.There has been no bathroom issues at all and everyones doors are closed when clothing is off. He even confessed that he could not help himself when try to catch my wife naked. He knows it wrong.
thing are much better with my wife. She was up set that i did not just come out and tell her. What i was witnessing
She now makes sure that she is dressed approximately when laying down with him before bed if she even does it .
Its a good thing that we had this talk with him.He sorta has a GF and if e ever touched her in a disrespect full manner there would be hell to pay

Again thank you all
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717440 tn?1292747342
I'm so glad to hear that things are continuing to go well, and that everything is out in the open now, as far as the issues but the doors closed  ; )
And you brought up a good point about his GF, as I'm sure her parents and herself wouldn't appreciate that kind of touching at such an early age.

Again, I'm glad you were able to talk about it and resolve the issue instead of bottling it up and possibly causing some problems with your marriage.

All the best to you and your family  :)
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Avatar universal
i have to admit, after reading your story it does sound like something fishy going on, My mother would not even consider holding my brothers penis, its completely inappropriate, he's of age to hold his own penis, and my brother would just die, and feel disgusted. He wouldn't even consider being in the same bathroom as my mother, let alone see her naked...lol....it definitely sounds like incest. I wouldn't be angry at your stepson tho, he's just starting into his teens, and teenage boys are very sexual at the time, (don't know how many teenage boys would want to have any kind of sexual relations with their mother) but your wife is the adult she should know better, and shouldn't allow such behavior, they may or might not be doing anything, but its disgusting. If i were you i think it'd be a good idea for you to talk to your wife about it and keep a close eye on the 2 of them **hint**hint hidden camera's** ....just kidding, but I'd defiantly keep an eye on them.
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Avatar universal
This is not normal behavior between a mother and any child.  Sounds pretty fishy to me!  No son should be trying to cop a feel on his mother and for a mother to help her teenage son pee, come on!  If I knew you and you told me this was going on I would call the authorities.
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I have to say WOW!!! I am a mother of a 13 year old son and 2 younger sons 7 and 5 yrs old. I had an issue with my son  when he was 7 still showering with his father, I was not he was too old in my eyes to be showering with me. Everything I have read seems like a lifetime movie!!! way too much touchy feelie here!! HE IS 13!!! He doesnt need mom to put him to bed, hold his penis or his hand for that matter!!!
At that age he should be doing well on his own with out ANY sort of help! Now its different if he has a learning disorder but if he is a normal teen ...lets jut put it this way, he isnt now due to this!!! He need help because of the mother I would put him into counseling to make sure nothing else has happened!
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1486688 tn?1333857307
As a Mom of a 14 yr. old son...I can say I have not seen his penis in a really long time..and I'm good with that! haha  If he ever had a health concern though..I'd be the first person he'd ask to look.  Hold it for him to pee???? NEVER...that is rediculous.  I'd rather wash pee off the walls the next day than to hold his ******..haha  (or have him wash the walls..then maybe he'd be more careful!!)  The shower thing...negative.  Underwear is fine and great..but not all of us to run around naked..no thanks.  Nobody wants to see all that.
When my kids were little..we had a huge tub and we'd all take baths together..that was fun.  I think when the kids were like 4 that stopped.  But this is way different.
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Avatar universal
You sound as if you have an inappropriate relationship with your son - it is NOT OK for a son and mother to see each other naked -if the boy is 13 or older - wow what this world has come to..........
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1617164 tn?1308282863
Exactly to all of the above. AND they have bad aim all the time anyway, so at no point would it be necessary to hold it for them. Ever. That's clean up duty as explained above.  Go get the bleach spray and handle your biznez in the bathroom please. AND I don't have a penis at all, or even a penil like appendage attached to my body that would allow for my aim to be better than that of my son! So uh, Hell no.  

I would have preferred the story end with the kids in a new environment away from these women, but that's just me.  I hope it's all continued to be positive.

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1486688 tn?1333857307
Yes..I meant to let my son read this post about these two...I'm sure he would just throw up.  I just can't imagine why on Earth would a mom have that sort (or son) of relationship..it is beyond weird and sick.  Nextly I cannot for the life of me see how dad has not snatched his kid up and left way before now.  This stuff does not happen over night.
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After reading your story, I felt concern for the young man.  He is a young MAN. I think that your wife is doing him a grave disservice.  I am not a professional who deals with this kind of thing, I am simply a mother of a 15-year old son.  I would say that up to about 10, maybe 11 years old (pre puberty), young boys are still very childlike and will not be very modest.  They will run naked and are beginning to take showers instead of baths.  At this point, I think mothers begin to encourage modesty in the house - in small ways like telling them to "get some clothes on,"  or "close the door when you go to the bathroom.  The showers are not assisted, but sort of monitored to be sure they are not too long, etc.  By 13, boys shower alone and want privacy.  They take longer in the bathroom and begin to pay attention to men's cologne and good smelling body wash (Axe).                          Mother's also want their privacy and cover up around their growing boys.  This is when the boy's curiosity begins about the body.  This is also when boys will pay attention to the differences in their body compared to the mother's body.  Mother's cover up - modesty is a theme for both.   About sleeping with the boy....he will feel very good about himself and accomplished if he can fall asleep on his own.  He is a few years too old for having his mom put him to sleep.  His mom should be available if he has problems, such as being sick, etc.  The mom can break this habit by telling the boy to go to sleep and that she will check on him shortly - meaning at least an hour.  Then the boy knows that she is still there, but not sleeping with him. Be honest with him and she can tell him that its time to change this routine because he is becoming a man.  This has to be from the mother...you do not want him to decide that you are the reason for the change.  The change is happening for his benefit at his mother's insistence because it is for the boy's benefit.  Period.  This is not negotiable.  Then, the boy is rewarded either with verbal praise or something that will encourage him.  When he masters the skill of sleeping alone, he will be proud of himself.  This is a huge developmental stage.  Regarding touching his mother - he can hug her, give her a peck on the cheek, but he is not aloud to hold her long or touch her breast.  I am talking to you like I would a friend.  This touching behavior has to stop immediately.  Boundaries must be established.  In a couple of years, this young man is going to begin to take an interest in girls and you want him to understand what is appropriate.  he has to respect his girlfriend's body and right to privacy.  Absolutely inappropriate to hold his penis.  She is not respecting her son's manhood.  So clean some pee from the wall!  Or he can clean a little pee from the wall.  I have not seen my son's privates in years.  When you get all of this behavior in check, the bed wetting might stop.  I suggest that your wife talk with friends or get some professional guidance on parenting young men.  Your instincts are correct.  This is not normal.  My two cents, for what its worth, is that the behavior is more of what your wife "needs" and it is extremely unhealthy for her son's growth and development.  The boy is lucky to have you.  Changes must be made immediately.
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My son is 13 and I often walk about getting ready and he sees me naked he takes no notice of me at all.  I don't intentionally mean for him to see me naked but some times it happens.  He is VERY private about himself, I haven't seen him since the age of about seven.  My husband thinks it is terrible he says he never saw his mother naked and I have to admit it sounds really strange when he says that I really get what he means.  My father was very angry once when I accidentally walked into the bathroom and he was in there going to the toilet.  The really funny thing is when we were on holiday abroad no one was topless so I didn't go topless though I would have if there had been lots of other ladies doing it.  My son rushed up to me and said a friend he had made his mother was topless and he was absolutely shocked.  My hope is that seeing me with nothing on means he will not be curious as to what a woman looks like as I was when I was his age.  My friend and I saw what a man looked like in a news agents by grabbing a dirty magazine from the top shelf.  Only time will tell if I have done the right thing.  





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It seems this struck a personal chord with you. I am quite sure many bio dads would be uncomfortable with this as well, considering men have notoriously blamed mothers coddling, or too close relationships with their sons for effeminate behavior down the road. Most 13 year old boys are going through puberty and a mothers hand has no business on his penis. As a mother of a teen, I don't want to harm him psychologically.  I think getting your first boner from your mothers hand or bare breast would do just that,and could lead to distance, rather than closeness.
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There is a question by user chappamom whose husband, bio father, fears the same thing.  That's just one I stumbled upon. I'm sure there are many. That father states he doesn't want their contact to cause "accidental arousal"  in a teenage boy with little control over his body. Surely you can see a concern, not out of jealousy, but out of the mental well being of his son.
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Well said and you happen to be right on.  There are a number of identifiers for this type of behavior.  Incestual abuse, codependency, sexual abuse, boundaryless relations, etc.  To put it simply, mom is having sexual/physical/emotional needs met through her biological son.  Unhealthy for teenage son, who will need intervention and expert treatment to deal with his mother's inappropriateness.  There is suspicion (without mention) that mom may have more than held his penis--you speculate on your own.  Mom may have told him he is "special," she may not have developed emotionally to an age much older than her son.  The strongest bond needs to be between spouses, not between mom and son.  Step dad, you may want to walk if you haven't thus far.  If mom is in denial about her inappropriateness with her son, she needs mental health help.
Hopefully the teenage boy is getting healthy guidance and mom is learning how to let go in a healthy guided therapeutic process.
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I accidentally saw my son naked last weekend & it was embarrassing for both of us.  It was the first time in a few years.  I am a single mother of a well adjusted 13 year old boy. This is not normal behavior at all for your son or your wife.  I'm so sorry to say!  You are right to have concerns. Their behavior is just not "normal" per say.  
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That was an old post but I do think this is either incest, or borderline incest.  This is not normal and you shouldn't have to ask.  This should be reported and stopped.  The Mother should know that and the child even though still maturing....is just that, a child.
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Your comment is aggressive and does not accurately describe mainstream European attitudes about nudity and modesty in the home. I lived in France for ten years, and while attitudes about nudity on the beach, sex in movies and television, sexual language, extramarital sex, and prostitution are more relaxed than in the US, I found that privacy and modesty in the home were respected in a very similar way to norms in the US. People bathed and used the toilet in bathrooms with closed doors and dressed and undressed in privacy. I also do not think that many cultures on the planet agree that it is OK for opposite sex parents to bathe their children after school age, and certainly not after puberty--this, most psychologists would agree, constitutes mild sexual abuse of the child. Adolescence is confusing enough without adding this kind of inappropriate behavior by parents.
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