My 12 year old is being obsessed over by a girl at school
My 12 y/o daughter has a girl at her school that won't stop following her everywhere and making her life miserable. Because of this, her grades went from straight A's to C's & D's. Unfortunately, this girl takes her bus.
I know these situations are common in middle school & high school, but this doesn't seem normal like playground teasing.
This girl, I think is trying to be just like my daughter. In fact, I think that she might be obsessed with her.
One thing I know for sure, this girl is jealous of my daughter. This girl has blond hair, but she dyed it brown with blond highlights like my daughter has. And, according to my daughter's best friend's mother, who is a former friend of this girl's mother, claims that she's heard gossip from her daughter & her friends on the phone talking about her wanting to get blue contacts. (And my daughter has blue eyes!)
At one point, she was constantly calling our home phone which forced me to call comcast to block her phone number. (This was 6:00 on Halloween night.)
I think that this is going way too far. I contacted the school, they did not do anything. I got the home phone number of this girl's mother, I called and she got angry and did not do anything.
How can I end this? I do not want to send my daughter to a new school, because she's already going to this beautiful, expensive, private school.
Other than following her what does she do to make your daughter miserable? I would keep persisting with the school. Especially considering she is going to a private school, surely they don't want to lose your tuition. If that doesn't work threaten to go to the school board. That is if she is threatening your daughter or you fear fir her safety. Has your daughter confronted her on her harrassing her or point out that she is trying to be like her ? That might be embarressing enough for her to stop .
"Identification" is an ego defense mechanism that can drive a person to imitate, emulate, and/or associate with someone they fear or respect. People do this because it shields them from the anxiety caused by a weakness they perceive within themselves (whether real or imagined).
Without knowing more, and bearing in mind that I only have undergraduate, theoretic training in psychology, I offer the following preliminary theory.
I think what is happening is that this girl sees your daughter as unaffected by whatever flaw or flaws she sees within herself. She therefore views your daughter as "powerful" in a sense. If she can take on your daughter's traits, she will be able to exhibit some of this power of her weakness(es).
I think this girl has some deep self-esteem issues. I would be interested in knowing more about what she's going through at home and at school. While you and your daughter might fear her and her behavior (and I can completely understand that), I venture to say it is this girl that needs help. I'm not sure who you're talking to at the school, but a principal could be pretty clueless in this situation. A school counselor, preferrably with formal training in psychology, might be your best bet.
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