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My 13 year old son thinks I chose my fiance over him
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My 13 year old son thinks I chose my fiance over him

My 13 year old son thinks I chose my fiance over him. I have been a single mom & lived @ my parents house. I just recently purchased a brand new home w/ my fiance & his child in April. It was hard for all of us to adjust to eachothers ways & schedules.I can admit me & my fiance were arguing quite often about the littlest things. My son would go to his dads house every other weekends also. We had only lived in the house for 3 weeks & My son went & tld his dad there was arguing in the home & my sons dad served me w/ ex parte papers.  We go to court & court recommends supervised visits & also if I would like to havemy son that I would move out of my home & back to my parents house. I was tld by my son that his dad has told him that he wont be able to see me for 2 yrs if he dont tell the court that I need help & need supervised visits.My son says I chose my boyfriend cuz I wouldve moved to my parents. My son says he dont want to have supervised visits but his dad tld him its me who wants it. I have been seeing my son in supervised visits but its really hard & do feel my son is unhappy there. My fiance & i have stopeed our arguing & our relationship has gotten better, but I still want my son in my life . I dont know what alse to do & dont want him to feel that i chose my fiance
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13167_tn?1327197724
First,  you did choose your fiance over your son.  Rightly or wrongly,  the court told you if you wanted your son you'd have to move away from your fiance,  and you chose to stay with your fiance.  So what your son is feeling is correct.   Whether it was right or wrong of the court to mandate that.

Do you have a lawyer or a caseworker that's a "friend of the court"?  It sounds like you need an advocate.

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Avatar_f_tn
I agree with Rockrose...you did choose your fiancee. You had the chance to have your son in your life and you more less blew it. You decided to stay with your fiancee instead of listening to the courts and moving out.

Get a lawyer and see what your options are now..even though if they told you to move out..that's probably it. move out or be happy with supervised visits.
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1600646_tn?1297899472
I agree with everyone, you did chose your fiancee over your son, you could have moved out and got your son back, its such a sticky situation.. could you move out but still be in a relationship with your fiancee?
if your fiancee refuses this, then he can't love youu x
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1268057_tn?1399131913
"Supervised visits because of some arguing?"  "Have to move back to your parents?"  In my opinion sounds like your ex is definitely manipulating the situation and your son or there is some information missing from your story.

Do you have a lawyer?  Sounds like you don't.  Please get one ASAP.  

You didn't choose your fiance over your son you ex decided to manipulate the situation so that it appears you have done just that.  Your ex created this unfortunate situation.
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Avatar_f_tn
This doesn't sound right at all- something is defintely "off" here. Either your ex is really twisting things around OR there are some facts missing here. Going from full/partial custody to supervised visits is a big deal- the judge has been convinced that your son is not safe in your care, emotionally or otherwise. I think you should get to a counselor who is experienced in custody/parenting issues ASAP, and your fiance should attend counseling as well. I'm curious as to how your fiance has reacted to all this- I would think he would be very upset by this as well- even if he's not close with your son, seeing you lose custody of him must make him feel at least a bit responsible, since a main factor was that you were living with him and fighting a lot.
  I really feel for your son- 13 is a tough age anyway, and he needs his mom. You must be strong, put your child first, and do WHATEVER it takes to get him back. Meanwhile, be sure to let him know that you love him more than anything, that you made a mistake by letting this happen (whether or not it was really all your fault) and that you will move heaven and earth to make things right again- and mean it. I know it's hard to be a mother and a woman in a romantic relationship with someone who is not your kid's father- been there, done that. My 2 children's dad died with they were little and I have remarried twice, so I'm not some perfect prissy witch looking down on you by any means. I know it sux- you get pulled every which way and feel like you will never be happy sometimes, but keep that focus on your son and it will all turn out OK. Good luck.
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1611284_tn?1301984263
First off, I'm very sorry that this has happened to you. That you feel like you have chosen your fiance over your son. Personally, I don't feel as if you have. The courts have no right demanding/suggesting that you move out of the house you purchased with a man you are going to marry to go reside back in the home with your parents. At this point you have a financial responsibility to uphold to. So, I really don't understand how that was even part of the order. I agree, that something is amiss because it just doesn't make sense... I do believe that it goes deeper and that your ex may have a hand in things especially with the manipulation of your son. Being a teenager and going through all those horrid changes can strain many a relationship. He is also used to being the ONLY man in your life and probably not used to sharing your attention, what with being in a blended household now.


While I don't think you chose your man over son, understand that children have a way of making everything (good or bad) about them and he will feel resentment toward you if the seed has been planted in his head. I'm not sure if it was mentioned in court but I would want to be in some sort of counseling with my son so that we can get to the root of the problem. Also, if you and your ex have a tumultous relationship, it wouldn't hurt to try to extend the olive branch to him. You both have to work for the better of your son and he is obviously going through a difficult time right now. It's better you and the ex join forces so that your son can understand that no matter what happens in life, the both of you have his back.

It's never easy being a mother--our work is never done and we get blamed for everything under the sun. You have my sympathies and I do hope things between you and your boy work out for the best.
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