My Boyfriend's Teenage Son

I have been dating a man for a year and a half. He has a 15 year-old daughter and a 17 (will be 18 on 12/14) year old son. The son is completely out of control; he lies, is heavy into drugs and alcohol, has quit school (was given a chance by the HS counselor to take the courses at night, but he quit that too), he a stolen items from his sister, his daddy, and in the Summertime he stole my identity (he found a copy of a credit card statement and opened accounts in my name and tried to use a check he'd found). He was kicked out of the house early this past Summer and moved in with his mom. He continued doing the same things and stole from her and destroyed many items in her house when he became "upset" with her. I found out yesterday that the ex-wife has moved back to her hometown and the son is now "homeless" and wants to talk to me, his sister and his daddy to see about living at the house again. I'm terribly upset. He hasn't changed, he hasn't been going to school, doesn't have a job, has had his car taken away, threw his cell phone against the wall at his mom's house, so why should we open up the house to an almost adult male who has no respect for anyone including himself?      

[Cherie762]

you shouldnt that would just make you an enabler, he needs to grow upm he can get a job and an apartment or tralior.  Id help him with finding a job, give some funature for apartment etc... I would not let him back in the home.

[Kage_no_Taren]

It's not that he "has no respect for anyone"...kids like that usually hate themselves.  He would probably do better at most things, but he expects to be a failure, to be rejected, he doesn't see the point in trying any,ore, and an attitude like yours won't help much.  legal status aside he is not an adult, and will not be until he has gotten himself sorted out.  Tell him that you expect him to act like and adult if h moves back in with you, and that you will treat him like one, unless he does something so childish or adolescent that you are forced to conclude that he isn't an adult.  Offer your help with finding a job and an apartment if he doesn't want to stay with you in the long run.  Don't treat him like a child, and try not to expect that he will screw up.  Make it clear that for your own legal safety, you cannot keep someone who breaks the law under your roof.  If that is unacceptable to him, he can't move it.