Parenting Teens (12-17) Community
My fiancé can't stand the sight of my son
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My fiancé can't stand the sight of my son

My son is 23 and he is leaving with me and my fiancé. The relationship between the two of them has deteriorated. He has never made time to spend with my son so they can find and connect with each other, my son once said the only time he speaks to him is when he is in trouble, otherwise the two of them never speak with one another except saying hello and goodbye. My son has just lost his job and he is also not making much effort to find work. One day he stole my partner's car and drove it around. When I came back from work I realized that my son has been using my fiance's car without permission. I first shouted at my son for stealing his step dad's car, and then I told my fiancé about the incident with a view that he will talk to him about it and find a solution that will not cause further damage. As soon as he heard about that he told me that he is going to move out because he cannot be under the same roof with my son. I don't have aproplem in chasing him out of the house, anyway he is old enough to be staying with us but, I can't do that if he is not working and has nowhere to go. I love my fiancé very much and I also love my son, how can I choose between the two of them. I am hurting and confused please advise what to do

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I think you are in a bad spot, of course you can tell your son to leave at any time, whether he is working or not.  You are not the only human being in the world who would take him in or help him, and he might learn to grow up if he didn't have Mommy to take care of him when he screws up.  But you won't tell him that, and your fiance is well within his rights to wonder why he is less important to you than your adult son.  It would be ENTIRELY DIFFERENT if your son were three, or seven, or fourteen.  But he is a grownup and it is time for him to stop sponging off of you; you could keep him forever if that is all you want, but you want to have your own life and get engaged and all.  You're in a bad spot because you haven't said to your fiance in your heart, "Thou above all others."  I don't often suggest this to a parent, because most of the ones who write in are still taking care of minor kids and those children take precedence over the sex life and romances of the parent, but if this is the fiance you want, since your son is now old enough you really have to make that commitment to your fiance and let your son lead his own life without bailing him out.  If you can't, it means you don't love your fiance enough.
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I'm sorry to say, but your son sounds very immature and I can see your fiances frustration.  I know too many adult children taking full advantage of their parents financially and it is so sad.  If you continue to enable him, don't be surprised if he keeps coming back when one thing or another didn't work out.  I'd say its time for a very serious discussion with your son about his future.
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