When i was 11, my parents (mother and stepfather who i met when i was 7) divorced. My mom packed up me and my brother in the middle of the night and left him for good. Then when i was 13 he started sleeping in our driveway. then mom let him on the couch. then he moved some of his things in. And when i was 14 my mother confessed to me she was pregnant. So, we all moved in together and they lived as a married couple again. I was upset at first, but as time passed and my sister was born, i came to terms with it. Then when i was sixteen My mother decided she didn't want to be with him, and she took us again. She bought a secret apartment and then surprised him with a second divorce. At first he wasn't allowed in the house, then he was allowed for Christmas. Then he just started coming over and taking naps on the couch and eating dinner. Then they went to a motel (for "much needed casual sex" as my mom put it) one night and ever since then, my mother has just been putty in his hands. He sleeps over here, showers, eats dinner. And it's happening again, except now i'm 17. When i was really little it was just my mother and i, so we've always been close. I just hate this, not to mention it's really confusing for my 7 year old brother. I just can't believe that they're dragging us through this again. It's infuriating. I guess what i'm wondering is, how can i sever some of these emotional ties with my mother? I pretty much cut my stepfather off a long time ago, but how can i just let her go emotionally. Because she is literally driving me insane, i have already suffered through abuse and my anxiety is giving me chronic migraines. I've been hospitalized for depression before, and i guess i'm wondering if anyone knows how i can distance myself emotionally from her. I don't know what else to do, because she keeps dragging me through the mud. She had me young, and i feel as if, I've had to grow up alongside her in the worst way. I was never able to be a kid, because if she wasn't dragging me around the world, she'd be dragging me through these ridiculous relationships. Unfortunately she's still my mom, and even though i know she's going to screw me over, i fall for it anyway. Honestly any advice at all, would be nice.
I am sorry your mom is behaving like such an irresponsible narcissist. Do you have any stable women in your life? Moms of friends, or aunts? If I lived in your neighborhood and you were the good friend of my daughter, if you were to approach me and ask for some motherly advice, I would find it natural to sweep you into the family. If people reach out a helping hand (those you can see have no self-interested agenda besides just being friendly or because they are a natural nurturer), take the hand and accept the friendship. Join in to the activities of other families where you are welcome, in order to get some soul's ease from their more normal interactions. There are communities you can get involved in as well, some joined by common interests (for example, environmental restoration work, Habitat for Humanities, etc.) and some joined together by common faith (a church or other similar). Try to find a group to join that has bigger issues it is addressing than the problems of one person in the world. It helps to lift you up. [Please don't try to fill things in by finding some boyfriend who will a) fail to protect you and b) take advantage of you. It's kind of a natural pattern in such situations; the girl is vulnerable and the guy is horny so he'll take what he can get and for a while looks like money from home. But so many girls wind up pregnant and alone.] Where do you live, and what is going on there? There must be community concerns that are interesting where you could find a volunteer role.
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