My husband and I recently found our daughters underwear under her brothers mattress. She is 16 he is 13. They are not biologicial siblings. When my husband confronted him about it he admitted that he found them on the floor and took them into his room and used them to masterbate. When asked if he was thinking about her when he did it he denied it. I have not told our daughter yet he thinks we shouldn't I think we should. Need advice as to weather this is normal and if its the right thing to do and tell her.
I agree with your husband, I think you shouldn't tell her.
This is the kind of thing that happens when you put two non biologically related teenagers in the same household - sexual curiosity occurs. Thirteen year old boys are VERY interested in the sexuality of 16 year old girls.
I can't imagine anything good that could come from telling her - it actually seems a little mean-spirited to me. It would make him miserable, for a fairly normal behavior, and it certainly wouldn't make your daughter feel more comfortable in her home.
I entirely agree with RockRose. Panties are "girl things," and kids do use things to masturbate with; they are fantasizing about or fascinated with sex, and it is no more personalized than that. Don't scare or creep out your daughter; believe your son when he says he wasn't fantasizing about her in particular. (Although if you react wildly enough, you might cause him to wonder if there was more to the idea and he should consider it.)
Occasionally we get a mom writing in freaked out that either their son or stepson was was found with their (the mom's) silky underwear; they often jump to the worried conclusion that the boy wanted to have sex with them personally. But the draw is that they are female underwear, not fantasies about family members. Listen to your husband, he was a boy once himself.
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