Son experimenting with marijuana

My son is about to be 17 years old, the other day i found a few joints, a pipe, and a small baggy of marijuana. Is this cause for major concern? Is it a sign of other problems he may be experiencing? Should I tell his father? Do you think he does it alone or with his friends/girlfriends?

I NEED HELP, PLEASE!

anybody who has experience with these issues, please tell me as much as you can!!!

[April2]

Well of course you should talk to him and his father. Marijuana is an illegal drug. Just because it's not as dangerous as stronger drugs doesn't mean it's ok. It's often a starter drug that leads to other drugs, for one thing. Also, there are plenty of other health reasons why it's not good to smoke Marijuana or cigerettes either for that matter.
You need to sit down calmly with him and explain to him what you found and that drugs of any kind are not allowed in your home. You might want to arm yourself with some information on Marijuana first to show him why it's bad for him. Also, since it's illegal he could get arrested if he was caught buying or using or even having it on his person. You might also want to start randomly drug testing him to make sure he's staying clean. You can buy the kits for that at your local drugstore. No, he won't like any of this but we're the parents and we have to protect our kids even if it means they won't like us for awhile. One day he'll realize why you did the things you did, but probably not until he's married with kids of his own.
Best wishes to you.
April

[margypops]

Absolutly tell his Father and both of you tell him it is not allowed in your Home and he should not be doing this anywhere, maybe check out his friends I doubt if  he is the only one, definatly they are probably into to it and could have introduced him to it. He needs to change his friends if this is the case and you may tell him you will speak to their Parents", Nip this in The Bud "or in a short time it could be stronger stuff.Its not easy but you will feel better once you have addressed it firmly and correctly.Find out from him which friend is obtaining it and speak to them.

[RockRose]

He's smoking quite a bit - if he has all that stuff.  This isn't like someone gave him a joint to try.

Guys who smoke marijuana have friends who all smoke - they hang together.   Guys who smoke don't do it alone.

In general,  how is he doing?  What is his crowd like?  Do they achieve reasonably well in school,  do they have their sights set on college,  are they respectful,  respectable guys? Is he keeping his grades up?

The thing is,  you can drug test him every 21 days with a cheap in home kit and tell him you'll take his car if he's not clean,  warn him about the horrors that will happen to him if he's caught with marijuana at school (class A misdemeanor), etc.

But I've got to tell you - I don't think you'll have much luck getting him to quit.  And he's drinking too.   You just pray they get through this ****.

[phil]

My 2 cents

1-I would tell his father
2-Make sure you have a unified front- the two parents should be on the same side on this
3-Tell him that it's illegal, it's not good for him, and it burns out brain cells

Phil

[iconic]

Almost all teens try it at least once.

Find out how often he's doing it. If he's only tried it a few times or only does it on occasion, I don't think it's a call for major concern.

If he does it all the time, that's another story. That's when you need to be concerned. Frequent pot-smokers often end up with an array of problems...not so much medical problems, but more so commitment problems (to school, to activities, to family, etc.).

Also, realize that in the end, he's going to do what he wants to do regardless. Don't feel bad if you can't get through to him. Teenagers can be very stubborn, and sometimes they refuse to listen to reason and end up learning things the hard way. That's life. But no matter what, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault.

[cassiebabb123]

its not harmful and its his life. just let your son be. just set some ground rules. no smoking in the house or coming home high. and if he does .. then you set a punishment. im 17 and believe me ... if weed is the only thing your son is doing then your fine.

[April2]

Umm, you do realize it's illegal, right? And he could lose a job over this either now or in the future. They also call it a gateway drug because most people who move on to harder drugs started off with marijuana. So, sorry, I disagree with telling this mother that it's alright that her son is doing something illegal and potentially dangerous.

[cassiebabb123]

if she confronts him about it and tells him to stop he will obviously rebel and just do it behind her back no matter how many times she tells him not too. its called being a teenager. its when he gets into harder drugs she has to be worried. not weed.

[jcolby]

I don't know what your relationship is like with your husband but I would definitely suggest talking it over with your husband.  If this is first time thing than it will be more likely to over come with constant openness between the family.  A number I've found to be helpful and informative for parents with similar issues is 888.517.9631. they offer free parenting information booklets.

[lisabueno]

Confront him, but don't yell at him/ground him/etc.
What everyone is saying is wrong, they're saying it from a parents stand point. From a teenage stand point, I'm 16. and yes, my brother (19) and I both smoke marijuana. Yes, it can be considered a gateway drug, but any other drug is a gateway drug too. I hate the term gateway, the only reason it's the "gateway" drug is because it's the easiest to get. Talk to him about it, and maybe even let him know that it's all right. Certainly DON'T drug test him, that will tempt him to try harder drugs that leave a system sooner, (LSD lasts about 2 days and isn't in urine, cocaine is in the system for about 3-5 days, etc) Drug testing him will allow him to move onto harder drugs. If your son is JUST smoking weed, be glad, because alcohol is a lot worse.

My mother was always really open with us about it, and that's why we're so responsible. She told us about when she experimented with it, and she told us that as long as we didn't get out of hand, and we didn't get involved with more serious drugs, then there would be no consequences to us smoking after school (after homework!)

Sure, make a few rules. No driving under the influence. No experimenting with harder drugs. No smoking in the house, (outside, okay) but just don't "freak out" on him, because that will make him rebel. Try to be the "cool" parents, I'm sure a few of his friend's parents are cool with it.

It honestly is a good way to relax, and as long as he and his friends are respectful, nice, and motivated people, I don't see why there's a problem.

[SuziB]

What you say sounds lovely in principle but in fact, marijuana causes plenty problems for some people. I have been around marijuana smokers most of my life-my sister and her husband were heavy users. Of course, they didn't start out heavy users, that developed as they grew tolerant to the effects of the drug. My brother in laws brothers were all heavy smokers of marijuana also. I'm a midwife and work with young people who smoke a 'bit of weed' so let me tell you about my experiences. My sister smoked weed from age 17 until she was about 34. She smoked it because she didn't like the effects of alcohol and liked the effects of weed. By mid 20's she had suffered her first serious bout of depression. Continuing to smoke made her paranoid, agitated, anxious and even more depressed with suicidal ideation but she couldn't stop smoking because it was the only way she could get to sleep-otherwise she was totally insomniac. The insomnia started long before the depression. She cut back on her usage and started on antidepressants at that time. She slowly improved on the antidepressants but around this time started trying for a baby with her husband. 7 years later and no baby, he finally got round to getting tested (low motivation) and found his few living sperm were unable to move. They attributed it directly to his heavy marijuana use. His testicles were atrophied (shrunk) also attributed to heavy marijuana use. He found it hard to hold down a job by his mid 20's. He never could be bothered chasing the work and in his business he needed to be motivated. The only thing that motivated him was if he had no weed left and he had to go and find a drug dealer to get some. He was busted with a drug dealer on two occasions and faced court. That made getting jobs even harder....His brother was if anything a heavier user than him and was diagnosed with lung cancer recently(late 40's, youngest kids 18) attributed to smoking marijuana through a bong for over 20 years, plus all the tobacco in the spliffs. His wife just died with lung cancer last year. She was a heavy cigarette and marijuana smoker from teen years up until her diagnosis. His other brother was diagnosed schizophrenic-no other family history of mental illness and attributed to marijuana use by the psychiatrist. My sister has ongoing problems with her long term memory, something common to many heavy users or ex users of marijuana. So thats the family. All a bit of a train wreck really.
The marijuana use in pregnancy is an interesting one. The babies of heavy users are born ok but within 24 hours become jittery and show signs of withdrawal-not as bad as stronger drugs, but enough to put them off feeding properly and sleeping. Their mums quickly become agitated, jittery and sweaty in hospital (also after about 24 hours) and are usually desperate to get out for 'some fresh air' with their boyfriends, and come back a lot calmer. They often don't cope well with their babies(who would, they don't feed well and are crying all the time) and tend to leave hospital early, even though their babies aren't doing so well. So you see, what was a nice way of relaxing in the beginning, doesn't always stay that way because like all drug use(including medications) the longer you use, the more of a tolerance you build up so you need more and more to get the same effects. How do you know your drug use is getting out of hand? Respectfully, I'd say that drug users aren't the best judge of that. How do you know your motivation is slipping? You don't-usually other people are more than happy to tell you though, so that's alright. It's a shame if it happens and you lose a job because of it and it's a shame if your motivation drops right before your big exams in high school. A better way for teens to relax is to go out and do exercise, and that doesn't happen much when you are smoking weed, unless you count walking to the local store for 'munchies' when you are high and hungry, hungry, hungry!
So that's it, it's your choice to smoke and most people grow out of it as they go into their 20's, with little lasting side effects, but be in no doubt, it is addictive and habit forming and you do get withdrawals if you suddenly stop after regularly smoking for a long time, even if it is just a few days of stomach cramps, diarrhoea and nausea. The earlier you start, the more likely you are to suffer adverse mental health problems, of which schizophrenia is treatable but incurable. Also remember that the 'weed' you are smoking nowadays is far stronger than the 'weed' your mum remembers from her youth so she might be living with a false sense of security regarding how safe it is for you guys.

[swheeler]

It's not right to downplay the seriousness of using illegal drugs. Sure kids get into it all the time, but that doesn't make it ok or less of a problem. Whether he is using it once a month or everyday its still a big problem that needs to be delt with immediately. This is exactly why parents need to stay educated on drug use and not accept it as a social norm. A helpful site to learn more is http://teendrugabuse.us/